Relationship Advice

Thanks, soz. I should probably go back and read their other posts. I just jumped in here and took it for face value.

If what you say is true, dave may get his wish to have a child. But odds are, his fiancee/wife will someday regret not having taken the time to determine what she really wants. And when that happens, it's inevitable that they will split up. And the child/children will be the real loser(s). I've seen it happen too many times.

Perhaps dave is pressuring her. Or perhaps he just isn't completely sure that this is the right thing to do, so that's why he's "leaving it up to God" to decide. Sometimes people are awed by the magnitude of life choices and cannot face them straight on. Sometimes they prefer to do it passively...i.e., "whatever happens, happens." I cannot say it strongly enough, though: Deciding to stop using birth control IS a decision to become a parent. The moment you decided to throw away the pills, patches, condoms, etc....THAT is the moment you decided.

My point is this. Engagement is merely a trial period, to see if your relationship is really ready to handle marriage. You haven't actually committed your lives to each other yet. So how can you possibly be thinking of making an even bigger commitment?! If I were your fiancee', I would be scared to death that I'd wind up as a single parent without a decent job. Like I said before, she is in a very precarious position.

we haven't gotten off the pill yet, she just didn't take it for two days after she ended her period.

I know that I've been a mess with things in the past, posts. But i've made it up in my mind that no matter what I love Her!

She didn't take it for two days, then started again? What does that mean? That she didn't remember to take them, or that she changed her mind again and decided she doesn't want to get pregnant after all?

Either way, it is obvious that she isn't ready for the responsibility.

If you really do love her, you will give her the time she needs to settle down. Wait until she shows by her actions (not words) that she is mature enough to handle her own life as well as the responsibilities of parenthood. She isn't there yet.

Enjoying playing with a child for an afternoon is not even close to what is involved in being a parent. Not even close!

May I make a suggestion? Get a puppy. See how the two of you can handle caring for a pet. Will she feed it regularly? Will she train it thoroughly? Take it to the vet for shots, neutering/spaying, etc.? Exercise it regularly? Clean up after it regularly? Give it adequate attention? Treat it well at all times? Will one of you wind up as the main caregiver while the other neglects it most of the day? Will one of you be "the disciplinarian" while the other sneaks it treats? Will one always get up to take it outside in the middle of the night while the other resents being awakened? Will one of you get tired of the pet after a few weeks or months and want to get rid of it? A lot of people ease into parenthood by trying on the role of pet owner first. You can learn a lot about what kind of parent a person will be.

Uh, not those kinds of intentions, brother. You're not listening.