Reply
Wed 18 May, 2005 01:03 pm
K im really confused, so I don't expect any of you to understand either. But hear goes, So the fiance and I are moving in together. (GREAT) this past weekend, she was home with her little niece, and played with her, and just had a blast. My fiance said she doesn't want a baby right now, but if it where to happen it would be fine with her, and that things happen for a reason. She also told me that she hadn't taken the first two pills in her pack, of course after we had two really great nights of making love.
One of my best friends (girl) has her thoughts on this. I was just wondering if any of you have any thoughts?
I wouldn't mind having a baby, actually I would love to start a family. My friend thought it could be that My fiance isn't sure if she want to yet or not, and that it's her way of asking me what I think, but she knows what I think.
Grr I can't keep up with the female thought processes going on, or the hormone change.
This is a surprise?
All of your posts so far have been leading up to this -- when she lived at home, her mom was standing over her making sure she took her pills, then she moves in with you and she stops taking her pills.
If you don't want a baby now, make sure you use protection.
And both of you need to talk about this and come to a decision that you stick with.
I think that she wants to have someone in your family who will call you "daddy".
Phoenix32890 wrote:I think that she wants to have someone in your family who will call you "daddy".
Yea well I have a cat!
But really I wouldn't mind, I would actually love it! I think it's her that is confused of what she wants, now even the other night she was thinking of changing majors in college. I really can't keep up. I told her if she is thinking about it to stop taking the dang pills for a week, and see what happens.
One friend told me that if we do get pregnant, that it could ruin our relationship.
Why would you tell her that?
If she's thinking about it, keep up the dang pills until she's decided.
sozobe wrote:Why would you tell her that?
If she's thinking about it, keep up the dang pills until she's decided.
you are true, I guess if it's supose to happen it's going to happen with our without pills right?
I mean the pill is only 99.99% good right?
Really, really no.
With pills, taken correctly, there is a very low chance of getting pregnant.
Without pills or anything else, there is a very high chance of getting pregnant.
"If it's supposed to happen" is, forgive me, a very dumb and dangerous way of approaching this situation.
DECIDE if you want it to happen first.
Neither of you sound mature enough for parenthood. And if you're not 100% sure you're ready and capable of being the right kind of father 9 months from now, always use protection, ESPECIALLY if you're with a woman whose intentions you're not completely certain of.
I always say for a real game of chance...Try Marriage !
Yeah, this worries me too, Soz.
This girl doesn't seem stable enough for parenthood...by a long shot! Babies are not puppies...you can't give them away or sell them if you change your mind later. It's a lifelong commitment. I don't see dave's fiancee as being the sort that's capable of keeping lifetime commitments just yet.
She may be a very lovely girl, but she just hasn't settled down enough yet.
Until then, dave, PLEASE be wise enough to take precautions! Having children isn't the sort of life-changing decision that should be made on a whim....i.e., "if it happens, it happens." You both need to be mentally, socially, legally and financially prepared.
"ESPECIALLY if you're with a woman whose intentions you're not completely certain of. "
We are engaged, and planning on getting married
dave_24 wrote:"ESPECIALLY if you're with a woman whose intentions you're not completely certain of. "
We are engaged, and planning on getting married
we are engaged, and are getting married next summer.
Maturity isn't an issue, it's just something that is been on our minds lately.
Dave, from your and Nicole's posts here, maturity is very much an issue.
Pregnancy is far more serious than either of you seem to be taking it.
The dave&nicole account had all kinds of immature games before it was split into Dave and Nicole.
Nicole's posts have been about things like wanting to know if it was OK to make you (which I say loosely, for all I know there is one person behind all three accounts) wait for another 4 years to marry you and, yes, immature questions about sex. Now you are saying that she hasn't decided whether she wants to have a kid or not but has stopped the pill anyway.
I think it was dave&nicole that had a bunch of stuff about her mom not wanting her to have a kid yet and getting in the way of getting pregnant.
And your posts, well...
Immaturity is not anything too terrible of course, it's just a stage of development, but the evidence here points towards at least one of you being quite immature indeed.
If anyone is curious, this is where it seems to have started (warning, heavy editing on dave&nicole's part, so may be confusing):
http://www.able2know.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=50476
What if she gets pregnant and the baby turns out to have major health problems? It happens all the time. Are you financially prepared to handle that? Insurance? Support systems? Major long-term expenses? Loss of career?
What if she has severe postpartum depression? It happens all the time. Are you emotionally prepared to handle that? Could you be a single parent for as long as it took to get your wife back on her feet?
Have you both finished your education? It's extremely difficult when even one of the parents has to manage school and parenting simultaneously. Not to mention damned expensive!
Are you both capable of supporting a family of three on your own salary? Because if one of you gets sick, injured or laid off, the other will have to.
I could go on and on.
Having a baby often seems like a rosy, wonder-filled idea until the poop and the pee and the vomit and the fevers and the nonstop middle-of-the-night crying set in. And the charge bills start arriving from all those diapers, doctor visits, clothing and equipment.
Hell, I was 40 when I finally had a child, both financially and emotionally secure, and I STILL didn't realize how much it would take! Suffice to say, raising a child has been the hardest thing I've ever done. Much more complicated than I ever suspected.
Would I do it again, knowing what I know now? Yes. But only because I was fully prepared. I've known many people who blundered into parenthood much like you're doing now, dave. And most have lived to regret it.
Eva wrote:What if she gets pregnant and the baby turns out to have major health problems? It happens all the time. Are you financially prepared to handle that? Insurance? Support systems? Major long-term expenses? Loss of career?
What if she has severe postpartum depression? It happens all the time. Are you emotionally prepared to handle that? Could you be a single parent for as long as it took to get your wife back on her feet?
Have you both finished your education? It's extremely difficult when even one of the parents has to manage school and parenting simultaneously. Not to mention damned expensive!
Are you both capable of supporting a family of three on your own salary? Because if one of you gets sick, injured or laid off, the other will have to.
I could go on and on.
Having a baby often seems like a rosy, wonder-filled idea until the poop and the pee and the vomit and the fevers and the nonstop middle-of-the-night crying set in. And the charge bills start arriving from all those diapers, doctor visits, clothing and equipment.
Hell, I was 40 when I finally had a child, both financially and emotionally secure, and I STILL didn't realize how much it would take! Suffice to say, raising a child has been the hardest thing I've ever done. Much more complicated than I ever suspected.
Would I do it again, knowing what I know now? Yes. But only because I was fully prepared. I've known many people who blundered into parenthood much like you're doing now, dave. And most have lived to regret it.
I am the I.T. Manager for a telephone company, my benifits would cover the baby, and my fiance. I have life insurence, and disability insurence all set up to cover if anything where to happen to me. She is still going to school, however even befor the baby talk, has been thinking of transfering, and changing majors into nursing. I guess I am a firm believer in " God has a plan for us all" So if he see's it's time for a baby, it's time
Oh, I absolutely agree that God has a plan for us all, dave! The difference is, I think he plans for us to make good decisions. He isn't going to step in and stop us from making the wrong ones, though.
What you're doing is called "parenthood through default." Deciding not to use birth control is a decision to become a parent. And deciding not to use birth control was YOUR decision, not God's. So whatever happens, don't blame Him. You have already taken matters into your own hands.
I'm glad to hear that you have a good job and benefits. It worries me to hear that your fiance doesn't. She is putting herself in a very precarious position. Some women have babies in order to avoid making career choices. Are you prepared to support three of you for years to come? I ask this because even if she does go ahead with changing majors, nursing school is VERY demanding for those WITHOUT small children at home. Trying to raise a young child while going to nursing school would put an unbelievable strain on your marriage.
Speaking of which...would you get married before the baby comes? If not, your benefits would not cover her or your child.
Very nice response, Eva.
Meanwhile, I found the post I was thinking of that indicated that perhaps Nicole wants to wait and is feeling pressured:
http://www.able2know.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=50488
Quote:Is it wrong of me to expect my fiance of 2 years, couple of 3 yrs to wait another 4 years to marry me? Living with him this summer might help me make up my own mind, but im scared of holding himback. He really want's to settle down.
That's the other part of what worries me about "we'll see what happens" -- if she is feeling pressured to have a baby and settle down and doesn't know what she wants yet, "we'll see what happens" is a lot less scary then "Yes, we've decided and this is what we're going to do."
(Again, I still know nothing in particular about whether there is one person behind all three accounts or what -- right now I'm operating on the assumption that two people, named Dave and Nicole, started with a single shared account and then created a new account each.)
Stumble It!
Tweet This
Bookmark on Delicious
Share on Facebook
Share on MySpace