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do i accept her offer of friendship?

 
 
Reply Fri 7 Jun, 2019 04:49 am
i'm what u could call an ambivert. i've never really been what you could call popular though. been through some bad bullying experiences n all. but i was still always welcome w the popular group bc im smart. where the rest of the class averages a 80-85% overall grade i average up to a 90-95% overall n ppl need my notes n help studying. im a lil weird lol but my friends say its not embarrassing to hang w me bc to quote "ur smth of a cool nerd".
tht is until my friends n i had a big falling out. i wont go into details here bc its not v pertinent but at the gist of it i lied to my friends n they ostracized me for a year. them n our entire batch of students bc who offends the queen bee?
but soon enough it blew over n the girl id lied to (who happened to me my best friend n the ringleader) forgave me. while i was an outcast, navigating the deserts of social exile, she made a new best friend.
so im smth of a depressive, n i have problems w cutting n suicidal thoughts. ive made a couple almost attempts, but both times my cousin has stopped me n talked me out of it. id told my best friend abt this n she told everyone else while i hung around in Pariahland. another reason i was there.
but anyway she forgave me n we started to hang out w each other again. tht is until her new best friend convinced her i was a bad influence on her mental health n she dumped me. straight out. Just.Like.That. her new best friend continued bullying me to the point tht i feel like a husk of what i used to be.
a while ago i also checked out the ig page of this guy who was extremely kind to me, willing to listen n care for me n seemed to ignore all the bad stuff ppl said abt me while i was a social leper. turns out it was all a joke (?) n he was just making a mockery of everything i told him w other ppl. he also had ppl tell me tht he had feelings for me n ill admit i kinda had a crush on him too. turns out hes already dating one of the popular girls n im just a pastime. a monkey going through a dance routine for them to laugh at. so anyhow on his ig page he'd put up my name asking ppl what they thought of me. everyone was **** talking me including him, n especially my once best friend. i dont have ig n i checked out his page from one of my neighbourhood friends' accounts, one of my few friends far removed from this mess. so my best friend has no idea ive seen everything shes said abt me.
today she texted me n this is what she said word for word "hey listen i made a mistake dumping u. i guess i had to get used to the fact tht there would always be a kind of barrier between us but im willing to work on tht now. can we be friends again?"
what do i say? i want to accept (if im honest im bi n i have feelings for her) but im also scared. what if shes doing what tht guy did to me? make friends just to laugh at me? should i tell her its all right n we can be friends? or should i say no? n if so, how should i say it?
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Type: Discussion • Score: 0 • Views: 385 • Replies: 7
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CoastalRat
 
  2  
Reply Fri 7 Jun, 2019 05:44 am
@viviryki,
Two things.

1. Surround yourself with friends who will encourage you, support you, be there when you need them, etc. Stay away from those who mock you, make fun of you or use you. There are lots of people out there who are looking for friends.

2. Please, please, please stop abbreviating everything when you post. It makes it very difficult to read.

oralloy
 
  1  
Reply Fri 7 Jun, 2019 06:04 am
Gosh.

Well first, don't let anyone know that you have read this page where they were saying bad things about you. And keep monitoring it if you can. Reading this page might inform you pretty quickly if it turns out that the offer of friendship is fake. And besides vetting this one offer of friendship, being able to read this page seems like a good opportunity to find out who your real friends are across the board.

As for whether the offer is real or fake, how long ago were the negative comments from this person? If she was saying horrible things about you just a few minutes before asking to become friends again, I'd find that suspicious.

It's possible to be friendly with someone without really opening up to them. If the negative comments are not too recent, I guess I would suggest becoming friends again, but to be very careful not to reveal anything deeply personal or private.

And maybe not let yourself get too emotionally committed to the friendship for awhile. That way you won't be hurt if it is all a sham.
viviryki
 
  1  
Reply Fri 7 Jun, 2019 07:15 am
@CoastalRat,
thanks for the first bit of advice. for the second i'll work on it. im used to text speak because that is just how the youth of today works Smile thanks anyway for taking the time to read what i wrote even though you found it difficult with all the abbreviation.
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viviryki
 
  1  
Reply Fri 7 Jun, 2019 07:25 am
@oralloy,
thank you for the advice. the negative comments are from a week ago. i still havent responded to her but i might do as you have suggested, say yes but not get too close. although if im honest im not sure how good i'll be at that hehe.
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vikorr
 
  2  
Reply Sat 8 Jun, 2019 03:04 am
@viviryki,
https://able2know.org/topic/515413-1#post-6851058You're a bi muslim girl into white guys?

Well, that aside:
- what do you do to improve your mental health? (Much can be improved with good mental habits / training yourself to have good mental habits <eg training yourself to look at the positive side of things, what you can do to improve etc>, choosing the right friends, engaging in a physically healthy lifestyle, being honest with yourself, always being genuine etc )
- why do you want to be friends with this girl? Does she respect you? Does hanging out with you make her happy (I ask about her, because, according to what you've written, it is dubious that she truly enjoys your company)? Is she a genuine person?
- is this girl good for you? And I don't mean in a 'she'll bring me popularity - I mean, is she good for your mental health?
viviryki
 
  1  
Reply Sat 8 Jun, 2019 05:00 am
@vikorr,
heck yeah im a bi muslim girl who's into human beings not just specifically white guys.
what do i do to improve my mental health? not much if im honest, if only bc im not sure what to do. distract myself a lot i guess even tho ik thts not a solution.
secondly, i wanna be friends w this girl bc shes been there for me thru a lot of bad times n its only really my fault we ever stopped being friends anyway. does she respect me? i dont think so not anymore. hanging out w her does make me happy. and is she genuine? she used to be. now,around me, idk.
is she good for me? she used to be. now again im not so sure. she definitely wasnt when she dumped me after forgiving me. a second time round, should i give her a chance? im thinking i might just n still keep some emotional distance like @oralloy suggested.
vikorr
 
  2  
Reply Sat 8 Jun, 2019 05:26 am
@viviryki,
Quote:
not much if im honest, if only bc im not sure what to do.
Why not:
- go to a counsellor
- talk to your doctor
- read some books regarding mental health?
- exercise (it's proven to help improve mental health, though by itself it won't fix things)

Being as honest (with yourself and others) and genuine as you can be also helps (because it helps you know who you are, as a person).

Finding your principles in life (and testing them for consistency) and living by them helps, because it helps you get to know who you are, as a person.

Identifying what character traits you admire in other people (it's the easiest way to identify what you admire), and seeing which of those you have in your life, and working to improve and strengthen such traits within yourself helps - because you now know you have traits you admire, and no one can ever take that away from you (particularly if you work on them)

You have within your reach many resources to assist you in improving your mental health.
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