I have no time for that crap. I was at a wedding of a co-worker and sitting beside the brides "best" friend. Now I know both of them and am not impressed with how they each gossip about each other to anyone who will listen. Anyway the best friend starts whining about why she is sitting at the table she's at (presumably with us losers) and not closer to the wedding table and saying some unkind things about the brides husband, who she has never gotten along with. At first everyone ignored her but then the louder she got the more I worried that the bride would hear and knowing the bride, I knew she would make a mountain out of a molehill. So I did the only thing I could do, I accidentally-on-purpose knocked my glass of red wine all over the best friend and, apologizing profusely, dragged her out of the reception and into the ladies room to clean up. Once in the ladies room I told her to shut her trap and put on a good face for the rest of the evening or I'd make sure I did worse to her lovely dress than spilling a tiny bit of wine on it.
I guess I am not adverse to confrontation.
If it was me in your situation, I would call Pat and tell her I want to know what was said and who else was sitting at the table and heard. Then I'd call this other friend who was bitching about you and I'd say "So, I heard you were badmouthing me at my daughters wedding, what was that all about?" If she admits it and apologizes (the drink made me bad?) then consider forgiving her after you both sit down and talk about it. If she denies it, tell her you will be calling everyone who sat at the table and getting the story from each and if the stories match, she need never mention your name again since you and she will never be seeing each other after this. Imagine bitch-slapping her. Make you feel good? Mentally slap her around. She's nothing, and no true friend would ever talk about you like this. Real friends, if they have anything bad to say, will say it to your face and get the issue resolved between the two of you. Don't YOU worry about conflict, SHE's the one that started this and she was definitely looking for attention at that wedding table. Is she prepared for the consequences, I wonder?
What good advice you've all given.
I've since spoken to someone else, Susan, at the table. She was reluctant to say anything and said that I should never have been told. She thought that Pat had done me a great disservice.
It seems one couple was so disgusted at what this woman said about me that they left the wedding early.
Heeven, I love all that you say. However this "friend" who badmouthed me once before was mean and wished me dead. I'm soft and stupid and always want to believe the best in people and when she apologised I forgave her. However I now realize what a hypocrite she is. She rang yesterday to thank me for a wonderful wedding party.
What I intend to do (coward that I am) is not to upset myself by hearing all the lies. I don't want to know what she's said about me ... and what may hurt even more (if I'm honest) is that there may be a grain of truth somewhere.
So in future whenever she rings I'll be just going out or have someone here and say I'll ring back. She'll realize eventually that the friendship's dead. Whether or not she knows why, well that's not my problem.
Again, thank you all for your concern.
Give me her phone number and I'll verbally abuse her for 20 mins.
BTW Tarah, your avatar is most deceiving. I expected you to want to lash this so-called friend but I guess you really are a softie teddy-bear eh?
Heeven, you don't know how tempted I am.
Joking apart, perhaps you can see how sickened I feel and I really am grateful.
Tarah--
Classically one vindictive fairy is not invited to the Christening and havoc ensues.
In your case you have two whiz-bitches--both invited!--at the wedding, breaking your bread, eating your salt and raining on your parade.
Would that the bad-mouthing pair would vanish with a clap of thunder.
Thank goodness that they didn't get near your daughter's parade--and have a good memory when it comes to staging your grandchild's christening.
Wait until Pat brings the matter up again--she will--and tell her that you are determined to have only happy memories of your daughter's wedding day; that while Pat's earlier gossip-mongering was hurtful, you have decided to forgive and forget.
Do not handle any spindles for the next seventeen years--just in case.
It really does sting when people say hurtful things about us (especially when it's undeserved). Brave face on and put this incident out of your thoughts, life, friendship circle. You are better off without her. If you don't feel comfortable confronting or discussing any further then just avoid and/or ignore any attempts to communicate with you.
In the meantime, I will be making a cloth doll in her likeness and sticking pins in it periodically!
Tarah, Don't waste your time and energy with people who treats you like Pat. It ain't worth it; there are too many other nice people you can associate with.
Tarah, I think we need to give this "Pat" a new nickname. "So-called friend" just doesn't cut it. I suggest we refer to her as "Damn Spot."
I am late here and can only reiterate that I consider the woman who told you this just as iffy as the loudmouth ill-friend, for the combo of telling you of something hurtful and putting up no defense. I also understand that you know you aren't perfect and some fraction of the dump may be true or true-ish. Still, these are both attention getting forays by these women and each hurtful on a major day.
You barely know me if you know me at all, but I've noticed your posts and I think you are savvy and kind, although whip carrying. Keep your chin up and your distance from both. There are more fish in the sea for friends.
Think well of yourself, don't be spiteful, but see them for what they are. Given a year or two, there may be comedic aspects to this. Not yet, though.
<hugs>
tarah, I wouldn't even bother with giving pat a new nickname; don't waste your time and energy on people who can upset your life balance. As I've said earlier, there are too many people "out there" that are much nicer that will bring real friendship to your life. That saying, "laughter is the best medicine" is true. Avoid people who does the opposite.
How about this for a confession. When I referred to my "so-called friend", I meant the one who badmouthed me. It never occurred to me that Pat was in the wrong for telling me. I was grateful to her.
I truly think Pat told me for the right reasons. She warned me that if I had confided in the loudmouth, then I shouldn't do it any more. I'd swear this Pat had my best interest at heart even though she hadn't challenged the one telling stories about me.
I'm known to be a flirt (as many of you may have guessed!) and I can only surmise the comments were in this area. But the good news is that today I feel a lot better and I'm sure that's a lot to do with all of you.
Thank you so much.
That's the ticket; what matters most is that you are feeling better - bottom line.
Tarah wrote:I'd swear this Pat had my best interest at heart even though she hadn't challenged the one telling stories about me.
Anyone who does anything to lessen your joy in the memories of your daughter's wedding is not a friend, to my way of thinking. This puts Pat very much in the category of "so-called friend".
Pat tattled and is a spoil-sport. If I contacted her at all, it would be to let her know that she need not bother calling me in the future. Real friends simply do not tell tales that will impact our feelings about things that we should remember with happiness - which you said, in your first post in the this thread, had happened. That was either unthinking of her, or malicious. In either case, not the behaviour of a caring friend.
I completely agree with ehbeth - I would not consider
Pat to be a friend.
I agree with ehBeth and CJ, but the final choice is your's to make - without question.
Okay, that's four of us... at least. I haven't gone back and counted.
No, I don't think she is evil incarnate, and had her reasons within the short time span this all happened to behave the way she did, mostly instinctual. Still. Watch your toes over time. The instinct did not bring her to tell So-called to shut up and was in no way corrective. And then she wouldn't tell you the delicous scoop.
That's a player.
We all play sometimes, or in my case get on a righteous soapbox, or, hey, both, but part of maturing is learning to stand up when friends are fcked with.
Ain't that the truth, osso! It's just been in the past few years that I've had the confidence to stand up for my friends when somebody maligns them. And MAN, does "righteous indignation given voice" ever feel good!
Most of the time I don't even bother to tell my friends what happened. Why bring them down? But sometimes they do hear about it from others. If there's a compelling reason to tell them, however, I tell them the whole story. To tell somebody just half...well, that's gossip. That's what it is. And a gossiping friend cannot ever be trusted.
So, Eva and I are on the same page.
