where do people meet these days?

claire_40 - Your husband recently left you. You are smarting from the experience. Now is definitely NOT the time to look for new relationships. This is the time that you need to go inwards, to take stock, and decide what you want to do with your life. You need time for your mind to process and adjust to the changes in your life. You also have some practical matters to think about.

IMO, any relationship that you embark on now is going to be a disaster. You cannot look for a stranger to fill in the gaps left by your husband. You need to fill them in yourself, through reflection, and evaluation. You need to come to terms with your new role in life.

Once that happens, THEN you will be ready to move on.

Phoenix gives the best advice.

Oh my god, I could have posted that thread.
Im younger, not been through a divorce but I know how you feel.

I have lovely girlfriends and guy friends, they are all attatched and dont seem to go out(not like we used to)which is fair enough coz they have no reason to 'go on the prowl'.When we have gatherings there are 3 couples and me,always an odd number.
Id also hate to go to a bar,it screams of desperation and you never know whats on the guys agenda.Im not knocking it but its not my way.
This isnt gona help but there are plenty of 20somethings in the same boat.

I dont have the opportunity to meet new people, let alone guys.Im shy which doesnt help.
Id love to be flirted with just to, as you say, 'let me know Im ok'.I must just repel guys.I have to admit the guys I know now Ive known for years, they flirt but I know its innocent and I dont fancy them anyway.I met a couple of lads last year but other people had 'got their talons in' so I had to back off and again I ended up getting to know them.They may have been handsome but when you realise what they are like the attraction dissapears.

Id love to have a guy to talk to.Oh how i long for a pair of strong arms to cuddle me.

I have joined a gym recently and thought Id talk to people there but we all seem to keep ourselves to ourselves.Maybe evening classes would be a good idea,or arrange once a month to go out with pals to a bar, it wont seem so scary then.

If you find a solution can you let me know.

Not sure if you have any adult education programs in your area. We have some in Boston that includes things like different types of cooking, wine tasting, ballroom dancing, photography, horse back riding, different foreign languages, etc. These classes can range from one class or run as long as a few months. I think that may be fun for you just to get out and do something different. Meet some new people that may have similar interests as you and learn something new in the process.

support
Phoenix,

I know you're right, I'm just in so much pain right now and feel like I need help to get over it. I obviously am looking to find my husband out there so he can fill that void, but that won't happen. It did help to write last night. I'm feeling better this morning than I have for a while. Maybe this will fill that void for now.

I am seeing a therapist. I'm looking for one for my kids right now. I have an appt. with the lawyer tomorrow and will pay my retainer then.

When I'm ready it would still be nice to know where to meet people. I met my husband when I was 17 so I never did have to do the "singles thing".

I dont know what your life was like in the transition from 'happily married' to 'divorce in the air' but have you found it strange going from hugs and kisses etc on tap, to getting absolutely nothing?
I found it very strange not having anybody to kiss on the cheek if I wanted.

claire_40- You are doing all the right things now to get your life and the lives of your kids together. I think that the therapy will enable for you to sort things out a bit more clearly. After all, you are in shock.

Be gentle with yourself. Step softly. Start to think about priorities. Try not to run off in all directions. IMO, it will only make life now a lot more confusing and complicated for you. Right now you need your life as simple as you can make it.

Once you have things settled, and are ready to date, you will find that it a different world out there than when you were a kid. At seventeen, you never really experienced mature dating relationships. Don't rush. You need to consider your kids and yourself first now.

Best of luck with your new life Claire. Being a man I can offer practical advice better than emotional advice

What about concerts, theatre etc? Anything with an interval in the middle where you can scope out the other singles while you casually drink a cup of coffee or glass of wine. When you're sure someone is single (and not just waiting for his wife to come out of the ladies') you can pounce - and you'll have something to talk about too (the performance). I don't think it's too weird to say "Hi, I've noticed you here a few times and..."

This only works if you actually see the same person more than once of course, but you can help that happen by going on the same day of the week or only to premieres, etc.

Re: where do people meet these days?


See if you can find a divorce support group in your area. Not that its the place to find a new partner but it gives you others to share your experiences with and advice on how to deal with it. You might find the support you need to validate yourself that you think can only come from someone new in your life. Having been through breakups of relationships, never a divorce, and watching others as well I think it is common to want someone new to overcome your feelings of rejection. Phoenix gave some great advice. This is all about you right now.

Best of luck.

Good point parados. Also, you should vent your feelings about your ex-husband and the divorce to a friend or support group member, not to a potential future partner (or they will run a mile!).

Material girl,
Yes, it is very odd. I feel a sense of loneliness deep down in my core. I thought everything was fine. We had a wonderful "afternoon" on Saint Patricks Day. I would love to be wrapped up and told everything's going to be okay. Or to get a little hug or kiss once in a while. Do you know what I mean?

Totally understand.
Its as tho I feel like I dont exist because ive got nobody to to hug to remind me Im not just a walking pair of eyes(that must have sounded weird).
I cant explain it well but if I get a hug, its as tho I know im real.

I think for the time being its a good chance to get to know the real you and be ok with your own company.Try not to wallow in negativity(I do that alot and it doesnt help)but find a hobby to fill up time.

Do you have kids?

Material girl,
I have 3 kids and I am very active with them and all of their hobbies. I am hoping when things settle into some sort of routine, that I can start doing the things I've always wanted to try. I have a small list started: karaoke, maybe going to an open mic bar and singing, scuba diving, swimming with dolphins, ....? The possibilities are endless. I guess the good thing that may come from this is that when my husband finally starts a visitation schedule, I'll actually have some free time for me. Maybe I'll even go on a trip with some girlfriends! I was always so worried about pleasing him, I never worried about pleasing myself. Huge mistake. So I guess I have some advice for other married folks out there: always make sure you take time for yourself. I thought I was, but now I realize I never really did.
Claire

I'll repeat, Phoenix has given you excellent advice. A good man is hard to find and even a good man won't solve all your problems.

Check out your local chapter of Parents Without Partners. All adult members are parents--and memberships are vetted to weed out the unsavoury types who prey on Suddenly Single Women with Empty Arms and Shattered Egos.

Activities often include children. People are very friendly. You might meet someone, but you're certain to have a series of pleasant events--excellent therapy for building confidence and charm.

Good luck.

Where do ppeopl meet? For me, I hope it will be in the UK, London, where I will find my certain special someone. A phrase comes to mind:



From For Love Alone, by Christina Stead.

I plan on going to a London Museum soon, maybe my knight in shining armour will be there(hope hope)

Claire40-Its YOU time now.Glad to see youve made a list.

In that case, I am luckier than you, in a way. My "knight" (nah, more bookworm) is already there. :wink: But, good luck and have fun.

Thanks

Im going because theer is a Frida Kahlo exhibition on.Im hoping there will be guys there who like women with moustaches.

moustaches and bearded women huh? You should see this thread and the one after it. May help you:

http://www.able2know.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=1374351#1374351