Struggling with sexuality and also really wanting to make lady friends who live in England!

Hi to all the friendly ladies on the site!

My name's Kelly - I'm 24, from England, and I was born female.

I would love it so much if I could make some female friends on here, because I don't currently have any friends or family who understand at all or would ever approve of anything to do with what I'll be chatting about in this topic/thread. Well, not just because of that, but because I love to be good friends with women.

I don't really understand what actually makes a woman "gay" or "bi" in label or identity or sexuality or orientation, but, lately I've been looking at and thinking about women in a VERY different way than I'm accustomed to and experienced with. Can I still call myself straight? Not sure. Does it matter? No idea.

You'll laugh, but, I have recently developed MASSIVE love interests, on emotional and sexual planes, for two women...from TV actually...being Gillian Anderson and Annabeth Gish. Lol I know that sounds obsessive or stalkerish, but no lol. Plus, since I've over a short period of time become more and more infatuated and in love with those two (sad, I know, because they're TV stars) I've started to find other women attractive as well and develop feelings for other women too...not "other women" as in all women I meet or women in general or every woman or Earth or the majority of women, but in fact, I mean when I really like a female's personality and her appearance - and I mean "like" as in a lot more so than a friends/friendship type of & level of affection and interest.

Throughout my childhood and teenage years, I was certain that I was 100% straight and was only into men. However, there WERE times during those periods - and during my 20s before now - when I experienced physical feelings and psychological emotions that seemed strange and alien to me, toward a few females. I passed off those experiences and thoughts as me just being extremely fond of those females and wanting to be extremely close friends with them - because I could never have realised or accepted or understood or admitted to myself or anyone else that I could "like like" women, not just like. I know that I do still find men attractive physically and sexually, but I've always found it so hard to connect with a man emotionally and passionately, or form a spiritual or meaningful bond with a man, whereas with women it comes easily and naturally to me (well, once I know somebody well enough anyway, because I do have a severe anxiety disorder!)

No way would I accept it as the truth or admit it as a possibility before, but, when I was at work in my previous job, I became extremely tense and nervous whenever I was around a particular lady there. I also had romantic and sexual fantasies about another particular lady there. But, oddly enough, I tried my uttermost to convince myself that I was feeling these things, thinking these thoughts, and imagining these things only as a "what if" or a "hyperthetical scenario" regarding if I were male instead. Perhaps though, those self-convincing attempts were just denial and shame...seeing as I don't actually want to be male, ever, but I'd still go out on a date with Gillian or Annabeth (and take them to my room) in a heartbeat...and not just them; I'm an anime geek fan too, so, I've got a couple of crushes there too.

Thanks for reading my waffle, ladies! It'd be lovely to E-meet you soon!