Married and I kissed another man...should I tell him?

Yes, you should--forget about it and move on. Don't buy trouble. Once, a long time ago, finding myself in your situation (but not married, fortunately), i told the woman in my life what had happened. Explaining that it was a mistake, that it was unintended--none of that helped. The hurt was there, it was big, and it would not go away. And trust disappeared. I don't think what happened was necessarily anything about which you need to feel guilty; but you'll never regain the trust of your mate, if once you lose it. No amount of explanation on your part will remove the nagging suspicions which will thereafter haunt him forever.

I completely agree with Setanta. All it would do is hurt him and your marriage.

Don't beat yourself up over it either. It was just a few second kiss and you pulled away. Not a big deal, so cut yourself some slack.

I would agree with the other 2. If you had done something over a period of time then ok you need to clear the air with your spouse. But a 2 second lapse of judgement, that was initiated by someone else... for the amount of hurt it would cause it's just not worth it

i'll take the opposing side here... tell him.
u didn't initiate it, so u shouldn't feel guilty about telling him what happened.

how do u think he'd take it if u told him?

Don't tell him. What's don is done and over with, why
would you want to tell your husband? Just to ease your
conscience, isn't it?

I can tell you now, you won't feel better afterwards, you
just won't and your husband either.

Some things are better left unsaid.

Telling him would be a mistake.

Just don't put yourself in the position to do it again.

kablee- Welcome to A2K!

It was a momentary slip, and not initiated by you.



You did exactly the right thing. There would be no point to tell your husband. What would it accomplish? What if he insisted that you leave the league?

As long the Lothario does not bother you any more, I would just forget about it. It's no big deal. Don't create one!

IF I WAS YOU LEAVE IT ALONE.... WHAT HE DON'T SEE HE WON'T FEEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If I were your husband, i don't think I would want to know. Actually i would want to know if you were cheating on me. But something little like one kiss, would just make a man like me go crazy. It would just bring out a little mistrust and insecurity that most people have.

There's alot of other things you probably keep to yourself. Secret crushes on his friends and things like that. Us men certainly wouldn not tell our wives or girlfriends if we found one of her friends attractive. If you were all about the "truth" then disclosing this stuff would be normal too.

You might tell your husband that The Pouncer is flirting--and while the Pouncer could be attractive to an unattached woman, you love him.
I wouldn't get into the specifics of the number of seconds you responded to the kiss--bottom line is you are not attracted.

I've found that announcing the existence of a flirtation makes the flirtation less enchanting and the marriage more solid.

Under the circumstances I'd consider finding another ride.

I think the "not tell hims" have it. I don't understand why you would even consider it. The real question should be what to say to the "other man."

"Piss off, Jack" comes to mind . . . but then, i'm a Charm School dropout . . .

kablee



Sorry kablee, I don't think so.

"I have become friendly with a male teammate".

"We've flirted a little".

"We were the last to leave".

You are trying to make yourself feel better about something that you are allowing to happen.

I have been there.

And you are letting yourself go there, as well.

The roller coaster you are about to get on kablee, will make anything Six Flags has to offer,look like a walk in the park.

Get ready to pay the admission.

It is going to be very expensive.

- I wouldn't tell your husband, not because the episode was scandalous and threatening in any way, but that your previous nonserious flirting and the guy's advance could stir up a storm of feelings that would be inappropriate to the actual event and set distrust and its uglies in motion.

- I wouldn't feel guilty either. Life is not an airless box and neither is marriage. You took care of setting a good limit with your parting speech. Leave it at that and straighten your shoulders.

Could be reading too much into this but the fact that she even considered telling him then asking advice about it is meaningful. Not knowing the details, I have no idea WHAT it means but there is something going on here that she has not revealed.

Well, maybe it is revealed, in that kablee probably feels guilty about her flirting. Which is why I mention the need for air.

Maybe, kablee, you feel you were asking for the advance, and that you were disloyal, and so on.
Flirting with intent is certainly something to look at in oneself, if that is what was going on. Kablee said it wasn't. If it was, I see no need to mention that either - but it is well worth understanding yourself.

It's true that flirting and being taken seriously can awaken new awareness of discomfort in a relationship. It's a tricky business, in that even the most melodious relationships have natural discomfort zones.

Personally, I'd have conversations with myself before I would talk with my spouse insensitively.

I also think she should stay away from the guy since there's obviously an attraction there.

I dont think i really need to put a response in, as i pretty much agree with everyone else. I say, dont tell him. Your "punishment" for kissing back is beating yourself up about it, and its probably the only thing you are thinking about. Why do you need to punish him to? As long as you are sure that there was nothing in the kiss, and you are still completely happy in your marriage, there is no need to hurt him. Sometimes having feelings for someone else means that you are not satisfied in what you have already, but other times its just a curiousity thing. Im sure your friend took you by surprise which is the reason you didnt pull away immediately. As long as he accepts that you really want to stay faithful to your husband, then you can stay friends. Can you trust yourself?

Sound thinking, Kittygirl . . . your final question to our interlocutor is very adroit . . .