Who Knew Domestic Violence Could be So Funny?

Rod,

He has a way of letting me know that he is around. Sometimes subtle - sometimes not.

One weekend when I was in and out constantly - I believe he was stalking me. Stalking me is not an easy thing to do, mind you. :wink: I'm always watching my back. Very seldom am I off guard. But on that Monday when I came home from work there was a sheet of folded up paper in my mailbox. On this paper was a complete itinerary of every time I left my house. And every time I came back. All weekend long. Nothing else. Not where I went, what I did, or who I saw. Just my coming and going. And unless whomever took it upon themselves to let me know what time I left the house and what time I came back - had a laptop, and printer, they had to have taken the information home and typed it neatly out. Then brought it back and slipped it into my mail box

This past winter someone left a card - a rose - and a little teddy bear by my door. The card was not signed. It was just an I love you type of card. No signature whatsoever. Left during the night.

Shortly after Thanksgiving, I had another strange thing happen. I have a finished basement. There are sliding glass doors that lead out to a patio. If you were to walk into my basement from the patio, to your right is my bar and beyond that, my pool table. I had been down in the basement over that weekend , gathering up all my Christmas decorations. I had a bunch of boxes with different things in, that I was going to bring upstairs. Some of the boxes I had pushed up against the end of the bar and I had a couple sitting on top of the bar. Well, I got busy and didn't get my decorating done. So the boxes were not brought upstairs. On that Sunday night, the dogs and I were in the living room. The tv was on. The dogs were curled up on the floor, close to where I was sitting. All of a sudden I heard a loud noise. Then another. Then another. All in succession. I got up and dogs stood up and both started growling. I just sort of froze where I was standing. I was pretty sure it came from the basement. My gun wasn't close to me, so I hurried up and went and got it and took the dogs with me and we went to the top of the basement stairs . Normally I can point at something and tell my dogs to "go get em" and they will take off at the very least to see what it is they are supposed to "get." They were as spooked as I was. I couldn't get them to even go down into the basement. So I stood there quietly for awhile. Finally inching my way down. Ended up that my boxes had all tumbled over. The ones on the bar AND the ones piled on top of each other at the end of the bar. By now I had turned on several lights in the basement so I could at least see what was around me. I walked over to the sliders and they were not even locked. Which was very unlike me. My house has a security system. When I activate it and there is an unlocked door it lets me know. Well, it didn't. So the next day from work I called my Dad and was telling him about it. He started asking me questions, because he knows my security system pretty good and it didn't make sense to him either. He checked it out and found out that the basement was not secure. In other words…he set my alarm and then opened the sliders and nothing happened. To make a long story short, it looked like it had been tampered with. The basement was somehow wired to the security system in such a way that it could be deactivated and the rest of the house and doors will still respond to the system like they are supposed to. That's all changed now. The reason it's such a mind boggler though is the wires looked like they were tampered with from INSIDE the house. Go figure.

He has told more than one person that he was sorry for the loss of our child. He still denies it was his fault. But in the same breathe he says he will not rest until he gives back to me what he took from me. Makes no sense for him to say that. No one can ever give her back to me. Freaky thing for him to say.

A month or so, ago …. He told someone in a bar - that I was working late a lot. The bartender knows me …..and knows Mark. I used to sing there. So it was told to me so I would know that he watches me at times. No big deal…….not like I didn't already know that.

I don't worry about these things….but I am still very aware. Something I will probably always have to be. But, I live my life for "me"...not out of fear of him. I'm too stubborn to allow him that satisfaction. As a matter of fact ......if he were standing in front of me right now, my advice to him, would be this: " Walk softly, if you must watch me - but don't make any sudden moves, or get too close- for you just never know the power that comes in "small" packages, or what awaits you on the other side of that door." :wink:

Such is life.

Brooke--

You have my sympathy. The Past Tense would be such a pleasant place for that creep.

Hold your dominion.

Yeccchhh.

Pity we can't slip a wee electrode in and erase you from his memory, Brooke.

A little zap'd do it....

Sigh - then it'd be some other poor woman's turn...

That's a very shocking story Brooke, but you're brave enough not to let yourself be scared or worried about him. Do you think he would chase you if he knows you go out with somebody?, like that date you had with the tennis guy?

Noddy .....thank-you.

dlowan .... Now that would be something worth paying for! You wouldn't happen to know an engineer that could design such a thing, would ya.

Rod ....... The tennis player and I did date for awhile. My x did show his displeasure at that and ended up violating the protection order - but it cost him. :wink: He's the only guy that I have dated since my x. I have been accused of NOT dating for fear of what my x might do. That is HONESTLY not true. I just happen to be very picky about who I go out with these days. It takes alot for a guy to capture my attention. The only guy that has that right now.... doesn't live in Ohio. So it's highly unlikely that my x will see me with another man anytime too soon. :wink: The biggest thing that kept me from the main stream of dating has been my focus on "myself" and the healing process. I have never wanted to get into a relationship when I still needed to work on "me."

As with anyone that has been a victim of domestic violence - if and when they do go out on a date... they need to be upfront with their date concerning their past. If he /she still wants to pursure a relationship, then by all means, they should do just that. Life does go on.

I'd rather slip cyanide in him and erase everything..... Oops...did I say that out loud?

I know I'm a little late to this thread,but I was wondering.
I admit that the jokes they SC legislature were in VERY BAD TASTE,but I have to wonder.
How much of it was just gallows humor?
Think about that for a second.After the space shuttles blew up,every late night comic,and almost every person in the US,was telling some sort of joke about it.

My personal favorite after the first shuttle blew up was that they had found the black box and the last words on it was the voice of that school teacher asking..."I wonder what this little button does".

So,while I deplore the fact that the SC legislature did nothing to help battered women,I think you might be reading to much into their stupid,sick jokes.

This is interesting.

I used to council children and families who were victims of physical abuse. In times that I was able to speak with individual women about their relationships, they would often comment on how they should have left a long time ago.

Now, as a teacher, I have taken it upon myself to see that there is a component in our health curruculum that deals with abusive relationships. We emphasize that abuse is a one strike and you're out. Girls have to be taught...rather...untaught to stand by your man.
There are means to escape and there are predictable signs indicating when it's better to cut bait and leave. I think there needs to be more information to a younger demographic empowering them to make these informed decisions over emotional ones in times of calm and in times of crisis.

You'd be surprised how many teenage girls have already settled for a jealous, protective, verbally abusive, sexually/physically self-centered, emotionally unavailable boy.

Women need to have the odds stacked in their favor for a change. I don't know how, but guns aren't the answer. Something can be done before a gun requires licensing.

Well said Brooke. I honestly think that after ending a relationship one has to take some time appart and get focused on one's self. It's good to take care of one's self without anyone for a while. Anyways, it's great that you got over that abusive relationship you had bfore. You seem to be a wonderful person and sooner or later you'll find someone you can really trust.