I must enjoy being miserable

First of all, he is at zero fault whatsoever. Now you said that you went on a date a week prior to the sex. What makes you immune to being at fault? According to your logic, then you may have just been using him. You must be agreeing with him that you are not exclusive, why else would you go on a date? Stop lying to yourself. Stop trying to blame it on him being a bad guy. You need to figure out what you want. Don't try and point him out to be a bad guy, even though he WAS honest with you.

Remember, you could have saved yourself a lot of trouble in the beginning with one simple word....NO.

re
the reason i am upset he went on a date is because he ended things with me saying he couldnt be involved with anyone because of his issues. then he goes on date? i went on a date the day after he told me we should be silent. Nothing happened on my date, it was simply dinner, but he said he kissed this person.

To top it all off we have sex, talked about dating, but he said he might go on a date with this person again and that we are not exclusive. I'm sorry, but i CANT do that. Especially when there's sex involved. I guess i was stipud though, i thought that by us having sex it would make him want to be exclusive, guess not.

Re: re


Yikes.

You have a lot to learn if that is something you really believe.

re
YEah i guess was being naive or just ignoring the facts. I guess i thought because the sex meant somethign to me that it would mean somethign to him. Especially because he knows how i feel about him. At this point i'm feeling like he has no morals. He was contect with just carrying on seeing me when he felt like it and seeing other people.

well, look at it this way....it was a mistake, you know better now and can avoid things like this in the future. Mistakes are not mistakes if you learn from them...they are simply learning experiences that didn't go exactly to plan.

.
i have realized now that it was stupid to stick aroudn with someone who would not be serious. I guess to me it felt serious and each time i saw him i thought, oh maybe he will want to be more serious now. I met his parents, hung out with them, he was very affectionate with me, we did all sorts of things together. BUt nope, he never could be 'serious.' I became angry i guess. I'm just not like that, i dont continuously hang out with a member of the opposite sex, introduce them to my parents, have sex with them and not want to be serious with them. I dont care what anyone here says, but that is somethign that i will just never understand about people. All i know is that next time around if someone says for a second that they dont want anythign serious, i'm gone. Chances are if they say it once, they're always going to feel that way.

And it's one thing if two people are seeing each other casually, but the minute a 3rd party comes into it's over...esp when there's sex involved. I guess i should be glad he went on this date. It REALLY told me that he is just not that interested in me. When i talked to him the next day he made it sound like nothign was going on with him and this person he went out with but that's crap. I'm sure he was just saying that so i wouldnt all together run out of the picture.

Diana, have you ever looked at the index page?
http://www.able2know.com/forums/
Are there any topics that interest you? You've been a registered member for several months. Give it a try; you might find something you like.

Diana78,

I've read many of the threads that Ossobuco listed in
http://www.able2know.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=1069453#1069453
and I wish you the BEST, not by my own judgement, but by yours.

Whatever you wish for yourself, whatever kind of life you choose and
work towards every day. That's my wish. My life is my own and your life
is yours, so I can only wish for you the best as YOU want it.

But what do you want here? What ARE your goals?
What are you looking for? Really . . . specifically!

More happiness? Security? Closeness? Adventure? A husband?
Drama? A sense of belonging? A passionate Romeo? Good company?
A yearning, stretching "fallen-in-love" feeling? Peace and warmth?
A calm and strong sense of yourself? Deep contentment?

Everybody's different!




1) Would you like to feel MORE drama in your life, about the
same, or LESS?

Swooshy emotional ups and downs or pushing/pulling can actually be
very nice. They can distract and occupy the mind, and fill the day
with a lot of passionate energy that keeps us moving!
Even if it feels like pain, and is sick and uncomfortable with pain,
and sounds to everyone around you like pain, that stretching and
yearning can be really ... ENGAGING ... and full of life!

Some people go for it, and some don't. I can't tell from your
writing if you're trying to increase your worries or decrease them.
Or if maybe you're satisfied with life's drama as it is, and just
enjoy sharing your life with other nice people on A2K.




2) Would you like to meet FEWER or MORE men who you can have emotional
tugging back and forth, that kind of longing, or struggle, or angst, or
even that feeling of being upset and right when they are so wrong to you?

I'm no shrink or anything, but do you want things to be really different?
A little different, or a lot, or completely different in every way?
How do you WANT it to be? How should it have been for you?




I'm just curious. There is no "proper" or right answer here.
I'm not judgeing you in the slightest, because I think ALL people
are pretty amazing no matter how they are.

But to wish you well, I need to know as clearly as possible
what qualities you are trying to build in your life.

I'm not asking about the men. I'm asking about you.
I dunno, is that too weird of a question?

That's a rather marvellous encouraging and challenging post, CodeBorg.

re
I do know that i dont enjoy this drama and pain. I guess i do like a bit of a chase and wondering what will happen, but this has been far too much of a challenge, not fun at all. I am just cutting contact with this peson. He has been toxic in my life. If it's to the point where i'm physically ill then something has to change.

Diana--

Good! You asked a perceptive question and gave yourself an honest and sensible answer. Congratulations!