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Wed 13 Apr, 2005 05:18 pm
so me and my gf have been going out for 1.5 almost 2 years. During this time, we have been very close, and we have pretty much done everything except sex, i.e, satisfication w/out penetration of any sort.
so right now, my gf is spending time at my house, and my parents, are insisting us just to stay in the same room. So we do. Our relationship is so close that we are planning to get married later this year.
Last night, my gf casually asks me when we are really gonna have sex. The truth is that I always assumed it after we get married......but as she talked, we kind of assumed we are going to get married anyways, so maybe sometime later this week, buy pills and condoms and do it for the first time.
Today, we talk about it again, and I was starting to have my doubts.....we kind of got in a fight, because I guess she was ready for it, and I wasn't ready to do it(we are ok now).
For me, Im curious as the next guy, but I just don't feel "ready" for it. I really can't give a concrete reason. Mostly because I always assumed "after marriage," and another main thing is pregnanacy.
my gf is the type of girl who has one of the wierdest cycles in the world. Her periods are so irregular and can have no period for months. I know that if I have sex with her, and if she tells me her stomahc hurts or whatever, I know I will freak out.....
Am I just being overly cautious? I dont know what to think of this? I can't stop feeling "this way" about sex.
btw, she is 23, I am 22.
I mean, we sleep in the same bed at night, so I know it's going to feel a bit wierd now, that she mentioned it....I just dont know how to deal w/ it
Re: issue of sex...your opinion...
semidevil wrote:For me, Im curious as the next guy, but I just don't feel "ready" for it. I really can't give a concrete reason. Mostly because I always assumed "after marriage," and another main thing is pregnanacy.
I actually think that you just gave three very good, concrete reasons right there. As with most threads on here, I'd just say talk to her honestly about your feelings. And all of your feelings. Especially if you plan on getting married soon. Also, I noticed that you kept calling her your "gf"... are you two formally engaged yet?
If either one of you arnt ready, then dont do it.
Glad to see you are thinking about contraception.
In this day and age condoms are a necessity.
This pill you menetioned, Im assuming its THE contraceptive pill?It needs to be taken at the beginning of your gf's period, so it all has to be worked out.
my boyfriend and i sleep in the same bed every night for the past 8 months. We have not done any penetration. We both talked about it and we want to wait until marriage. Nothing is a hundred percent. I did not want to come home and tell my parents I am pregnant, and not married. i also wanted to wait until i graduate from college to tie the knot. you never know what sort of accident will occur. I want a degree so I can support my children if necessary. If she is not willing to respect your wishes on this important issue... then what will living with her the rest of your life be like??? If she is not understanding then she does not respect you. I personally would not stay in a relationship no matter how attracted to the person i was if they did not respect my wishes and if they pushed me into doing something i was not comfortable with. People that truly love you, will not do that to you. as much as it may hurt you need to honestly think and evaluate it.
so semidevil... havent heard from you in a few days... what was the outcome?
Fortunately, Ive never been confronted with this sort of decision.
I, on the other hand, have been confronted with this sort of decision, so I said to her, I said "what was your name again?"
Well Dys, that's kinda humorous, but this is probably as weighty a thing as these young people have been faced with.
snood, please accept an apology , but these are 2 young adults not 2 feral kids. Their moral code is probably already set, their life training should have already included the full spectrum of clinical subjects.
When I was at age 22 I usually found that the female of the species was just as horny as I was. Thus, Im having trouble even processing the question, hence my own feeble attempt at humor. Dys'll have to make up his own boolshyt.
farmerman wrote:snood, please accept an apology , but these are 2 young adults not 2 feral kids. Their moral code is probably already set, their life training should have already included the full spectrum of clinical subjects.
When I was at age 22 I usually found that the female of the species was just as horny as I was. Thus, Im having trouble even processing the question, hence my own feeble attempt at humor. Dys'll have to make up his own boolshyt.
No apology owed me, ole bud. I'm not the one experiencing angst about "should I or shouldn't I". And when I was 22, my "life training" amounted to bupkus, but everyone's entitled to an opinion.
I'm sure your situation is extremely frustrating for both of you, however if you communicate well with each other it will all be ironed out to everyone's satisfaction.
A good marriage is based on good communication, so this is the place to start. Your girlfriend cannot know what you're thinking without you telling her your fears or your concerns, likewise for her. She may be feeling a sense of rejection also, so try to understand her and try to erase her fears by telling her how you feel and how much you want your marriage to be perfect and also honest.
Good luck!
Oh, I'll weigh in with amazement that any couple would actually marry for life without having had sex together. I know about the religious reasons for the arrangement, am still amazed.
gabbyme wrote:so semidevil... havent heard from you in a few days... what was the outcome?
well, it's been 3 days since we had that talk, and I told her about my concerns, and she is trying to respect my wishes. I can tell that she doesnt quite understand because every night, she keeps joking about "so when can we do it..." so I know that she wants to.
but she is not getting mad over it anymore, so it is fine now, I think.
farmerman wrote:Fortunately, Ive never been confronted with this sort of decision.
Fortunately, I've never been confronted with this sort of "indecision". :wink:
I certainly never would buy the cat in the bag.
Semidevil-There is plenty you can do without actually doing 'it'.Would you be ok doing that?
Re: issue of sex...your opinion...
semidevil wrote:
so right now, my gf is spending time at my house, and my parents, are insisting us just to stay in the same room. So we do. Our relationship is so close that we are planning to get married later this year.
You're parents must be really cool... seriously, most parents are against it until the rings are on the fingers.
semidevil wrote:..., and we have pretty much done everything except sex, i.e, satisfication w/out penetration of any sort.
What the hell is the part with the penetration called?
gust-in this day and age its called inter.com.
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