I am a 53year old woman. In the past I have scared women away for acting weird. Since around high school attractive tall curvy feminine females have been very uncomfortable around me. I also think that this is hurting me in nearly all aspects of my life. Is it too late for me to change? I think what's happening here is that I still find it difficult to be normal around women i like. I have a thing about women's bodies and the way they display their curves with the satin or silk clothes they wear. Nothing unusual in that I hear you say but to me it is. Once I see the right package of body and clothing my urges are almost uncontrollable as I go all out to get my hands on the woman in question. These women my "victims" are physically stronger than me.I am masculine but i am 5ft2 tall and skinny. I am just a skinny, short, tiny, ginger woman.Standing next to these women i look like a midget. I am physically completely harmless. Am I just making excuses to justify my urges? I don't really know for sure .
I actually get a buzz out of the adrenaline surge as the excitement of contact grows. I didn’t choose to be this way but I would never say its just like someone being heterosexual or homosexual. I hate myself for being a pervert. It first showed up when I was 17. I was regularly hugging and touching this woman who was often wearing satin blouses friend of my mother 's when I was 17. I've not really thought to much into this in the past, and passed it off as a phase that i might grow out of, and otherwise ignored it. Its not like i spend my life wondering around thinking about it. Its so morally wrong, and truly revolting, yet I can't help the way if feel. just needed to get this out of my head. I've never really thought about it compared to how people are supposed to think, and just accepted it as something that didn't matter. It obviously it does...Is it too late for me to change?
Why am I like this? Why? My other problem is that all the women i gotten far with were not my physical type. My whole life i can’t attract the women i find attractive. I'm really ugly. My face is full of horrible features and I am short and very skinny. My face ... I gave a lot of bad luck. It's just ugly. It's sad to know that I'll never look good in photos and videos (that's why I don't like to appear in these things), and worse, that I'll never get a beautiful girlfriend. Yeah, I know it's probably a selfish thought, but one thing I've always wanted to have, is a beautiful girlfriend, and hasn't anything wrong with that.