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Am i a pervert? I just can't stop groping this woman?

 
 
Reply Sun 23 Dec, 2018 06:50 pm
I need advice. I have a very strange situation to handle.I don't know what to do? I am 53year old skinny short 5ft3 tall wrinkled face thin lips green eyes grayhaired soft butch single lesbian woman. People call me ugly alot of the times, and also make jokes about my looks. Ever since I was 14 people always call me names. I think I'm ugly and you can tell me I'm beautiful but I won't believe it. And that's my problem. I'm so firm in my views and I don't know what to do. Since childhood I have suffered taunts about being ugly,short and masculine. I suffered the worst bullying in high school, It was torture.

About three months ago i joined this all-female group with a specific focus. Two times times a week after work I attend this group meetings that focuses on developing self-awareness, self-confidence and self-efficacy for women to improve their professional and personal lives. The meetings are held at the community center. .

One woman group attendee is a 42year old 5ft10 tall heterosexual curvy hourgllass shaped attractive brunette. She has very large massive breasts and she does have a big butt. She has very olive skin. Most of her outfit are satin pant and skirt suits satin coats and satin and silk blouses. She is always on high heels and full make up on. She is curvy, tall and busty, so many clothes tend to look sexier on her than on a thin person. She wears almost always her satin and silk blouses fully buttoned to the top combined with a satin skirt or satin pants. She doesn't wear anything vulgar but because of her body type anything she wears looks tight on her. She is 5ft10 tall and and being well endowed well built and curvy always on high heels makes her HUGE! Standing next to me she looks like a giant. She is married for 16 years and she has a 14 year old daughter. She is very serious, arrogant, and stuck up. Most of other women group attendees seem to think she is a stuck up overdressed snob. When she speaks with other women , she tends to be overly nice and I guess that comes off as fake which definitely doesn't help the situation. Also this woman is kinda dumb. Sometimes she says some really stupid/ignorant things. Her geography is extremely bad. If somebody asked her if Australia was in southern or northern hemisphere she wouldn't know. She knows nothing about politics or the ongoing affairs of the world and thinks history is boring. To be honest the reasons I'm drawn to her are her looks and her clothes. Also she is upper middle class,stuck up snob. She is completely stuck up, spoiled and arrogant. She's a deeply unhappy woman and the only way she can feel better about herself is by feeling 'superior' to others. .

Please try not to judge me too much as this forum is supposed to be accepting and non-judgemental. After my third meeting i couldn't resist as this woman was standing in front of me ( my face is exactly the level of her breasts) i said to her "Wow! Your breasts are sooo large! Can i touch them" AS i was already grabbing and squeezing them! She was too shocked to say anything about it right then and there. Since then i randomly walk up to this woman and start touching her breasts or butt.
I act like its all a big joke, laugh, etc. Often she makes it clear she don't like it, but i act like that's part of the joke, too.I often stroke,jiggle and squeeze her massive soft breasts and slap and rub her ass , in a joking/playful way.

I hate myself for taking pleasure in touching,rubbing and groping this always overdressed stupid stuck up woman, but i find it hard to stop myself. I can't resist touching,rubbing and groping her. I'm a fool who can't control myself. I'm just so upset with myself. I have the greatest trouble thinking rationally when i am around this woman. Every time i see her walking around with her big massive breasts & butt cheeks swaying all over the place i lose control. I gravitate toward this woman like fruit fly on a banana. Still I feel like a monster for something that I can't stop doing. ( I can't keep my hands off of her). I don’t know what to do. It is all my fault. I want to stop this. But i just can't. She is so radiant and tall and big and soft.And this woman is physically stronger than me . She is 5ft10 tall well built well endowed and curvy.I am masculine but i am 5ft3 tall and skinny.She is always on high heels i am always in flat shoes.Standing next to me she looks like a giant.I am physically completely harmless. She dresses in mainly form fitting satin and silk fashionable clothing. She is always on high heels and full make up on. Often when my hands are rubbing her through her satin and silk clothes i get groinal responses..I'm worried that I'm taking advantage of this woman. I didn't think much of it at first. She is objectively very attractive, much hotter than any woman I've ever slept with. And I feel so guilty. I am aroused by rubbing her. I hate that i have grown accustomed to it. What is wrong with me? I am too sexually attracted to her. I just can't help myself because this is the way that I am, this is how my body react to her and her shiny clothes.She is extremely fashionable, elegant, glamorous, and classy. Please don’t be grossed out. I feel so guilty but i just can't stop touching this woman. I know this sounds strange and maybe even a bit sick to some.


Usually i walk up to this woman seemingly perplexed, and touch her breasts or butt the same way someone might pat a pregnant lady's belly.Usually she is too shocked to say anything about it right then and there. And I guess that is my power over her - the stealthy and quick assault. This woman my "victim" is physically stronger than me. I am just a skinny, short, tiny, 53 old woman.Standing next to her i look like a midget. With this touchable always dressed in silk and satin woman is about lust, not love. It is pure physical attraction, not emotional. I am touching her, rubbing her and groping her for my sexual pleasure. I feel like I am abusing this woman by using her in this way. ."

I've posted it on here in the hope someone can understand me instead of just judging me. Please don’t be grossed out. I feel so guilty. I know this sounds strange and maybe even a bit sick to some. I am ugly. I can't stand looking at myself in the mirror. .I am not tough and strong. I am short and skinny. I am not intimidating.I am physically completely harmless. I feel so much guilt over this. What do you think I should do about it? This is really hard for me. I feel this overwhelming urge to touch and grope this overdressed stuck up stupid woman and it is for sexual gratification. This has been going on for over three years now. The most distressing is the fear that I am or will become a sexual predator. I spend lots of time every day ruminating over why I cannot be a pervert sexual predator, and why I could be. At times I'm convinced I'm a monster. I guess the point of writing this is to see if anyone can relate and set me at ease -- even for a little while! What's happening to me?

I don't understand it. I feel the overwhelming sensation of guilt all the time. I am sick of this. Im confused and my mind doesnt stop. I really worry that Im going to lose myself completely! I don't want to waste anyones time but I had to get some of this out of my head. What is wrong with me?
 
jespah
 
  3  
Reply Sun 23 Dec, 2018 07:21 pm
@Gretchen 1965,
Get out of the group before she sues your ass.
Gretchen 1965
 
  0  
Reply Sun 23 Dec, 2018 07:34 pm
@jespah,
Thanks so much for your reply.I do get away with groping this woman all the time, simply because she lets me. She just laughs uncomfortably and try to be as dismissive of the situation. Usually she is too shocked to say anything about it right then and there. Also i am groping and rubbing her in a joking/playful way. She just laughs or she makes stupid faces while i am groping her. This touchable overdressed stupid stuck up woman is 100% straight. She would never want to kiss a woman. She is very sexually attracted to men. She is literally 100% straight. I hate being turned on by rubbing and touching her through her satin and silk clothes and I can't seem to stop myself! I promise myself "I swear this is the last time!!" only to go on the next group meeting and do it again. It is pure physical attraction, not emotional.My actions are illegal and wrong - AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT!!

But the thrill I get from groping,touching and rubbing this woman is so powerful. It makes me feel invincible -- it makes me feel like I might never have to feel ashamed or insecure again. Maybe I am a monster -- and maybe I like that. Often when my hands are on her i get groinal responses. I know you can't help feelings of arousal, but what bothers me is i worry about letting myself enjoy them. So i feel like since i get my feelings of arousal from the groinal responses then i'm abusing this woman . Is this normal or am i horrible?? I think i'm a monster. Now I'm feeling like a total creep.
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Sun 23 Dec, 2018 07:43 pm
Didn’t you post here or another site before?

Isn’t the reason why she tolerates your groping is that you provide babysitting/care for her daughter?

Isn’t she the leader of this women’s group?

Sorry - your story sounds so familiar!
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  5  
Reply Sun 23 Dec, 2018 07:53 pm
@Gretchen 1965,
Gretchen 1965 wrote:

Thanks so much for your reply.I do get away with groping this woman all the time, simply because she lets me.
Immaterial.
Gretchen 1965 wrote:
She just laughs uncomfortably and try to be as dismissive of the situation.
Immaterial.
Gretchen 1965 wrote:
Usually she is too shocked to say anything about it right then and there.
Still immaterial, but at least you realize it.
Gretchen 1965 wrote:
Also i am groping and rubbing her in a joking/playful way.
Doesn't matter.
Gretchen 1965 wrote:
She just laughs or she makes stupid faces while i am groping her.
Probably because she's shocked.
Gretchen 1965 wrote:
This touchable overdressed stupid stuck up woman is 100% straight. She would never want to kiss a woman. She is very sexually attracted to men. She is literally 100% straight.
So what? This does not justify your behavior.
Gretchen 1965 wrote:
I hate being turned on by rubbing and touching her through her satin and silk clothes and I can't seem to stop myself! I promise myself "I swear this is the last time!!" only to go on the next group meeting and do it again. It is pure physical attraction, not emotional.My actions are illegal and wrong - AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT!!
Then leave the group.

Gretchen 1965 wrote:
But the thrill I get from groping,touching and rubbing this woman is so powerful. It makes me feel invincible -- it makes me feel like I might never have to feel ashamed or insecure again. Maybe I am a monster -- and maybe I like that. Often when my hands are on her i get groinal responses. I know you can't help feelings of arousal, but what bothers me is i worry about letting myself enjoy them.
Then leave the group, like I said, before you get sued or arrested. You do not want to be on the sexual offender list.
Gretchen 1965 wrote:
So i feel like since i get my feelings of arousal from the groinal responses then i'm abusing this woman . Is this normal or am i horrible?? I think i'm a monster. Now I'm feeling like a total creep.

Yes, you are abusing her. You are fulfilling some power trip fantasy. And you are justifying your behavior with her wearing tight clothes, being pretty, being passive, and being stuck-up. This is unacceptable behavior from any gender and any sexuality.

This is unbelievably foolish. There is 0% chance this will end well unless you walk away now.
edgarblythe
 
  1  
Reply Sun 23 Dec, 2018 08:44 pm
How would it be if somebody like myself started grabbing you all the time like that?
Gretchen 1965
 
  0  
Reply Mon 24 Dec, 2018 02:03 am
@jespah,
Thank you. I feel guilty. You are totally right. It's driving me crazy.It's consuming me. I can't resist touching,rubbing and groping this touchable woman. I am kind of confused how to play this one.I want to stop touching her and rubbing her but feel like I can’t.I am drawn to her. I am short skinny and ugly.My whole life i can’t attract the women i find attractive. I’m worried that I’m taking advantage of this woman. I didn’t think much of it at first. Also she is always dressed in satin an silk clothes which doesn't help the situation.But she never wears anything trashy. She dresses in mainly form fitting satin and silk fashionable clothing. She has a more stylish sense of fashion but she keeps herself well covered. She is not particularly fond of wearing revealing clothes. She prefers to wear covered, yet form fitting fashionable clothes. But she is straight and won't sleep with me no matter how much i fondle her. She says that she is 100% straight and that even the thought of eating out a vagina makes her gag. She is so tall and big and soft.I just want to have sex with her I know it’s wrong. And why is she allowing me to touch her and grope her? If i go any further i might end up in jail for assault. What do you think? Do i have a chance with her?



I can be confidant in some situations and very very shy and nervous in other situations. When I feel like I have some authority or control over my responsibilities I can be very confidant. I do feel more hopeful. I think finally admitting how huge my problem grew is the biggest step. I am a horrible person. I don't feel comfortable telling any of this to a therapist or to friends and family. I am a reasonably normal woman in most other ways but I have this big secret and it's weighing me down, which is why I am posting on this forum now- I basically need someone to talk to about it! I know that I probably sound terribly weak right now but honestly it hurts to be so alone.
jespah
 
  4  
Reply Mon 24 Dec, 2018 06:54 am
@Gretchen 1965,
1) I've now told you several times how to play it. You remove yourself from the situation. Full stop.

You quit taking foolish chances, and you stop making excuses for your behavior.

2) A court isn't going to give a damn about your past or your feelings of not being attractive. Head on over to therapy for that. Don't expect a judge and jury to understand or sympathize.

3) Again, if I have to shout it from the rooftops, I will. What she wears Does. Not. Matter. Period, end of story. It's not up for discussion.

4) Why does she let you? I have no idea. She sounds as dimwitted as you claim she is. Maybe she's not assertive. Who the hell knows?

It still doesn't matter. I'm curious about any witnesses to your behavior. I am sure the rest of the group will have few qualms about calling you out on it and probably kicking your ass out.

And if there have been no witnesses so far, and you're only doing this in hidden places like the cloakroom or whatever, then you are hiding this behavior, and you know damned well it's wrong.

5) No, you don't have a chance with her. Stop being ridiculous.

6) See above. It's not about your comfort to talk to a therapist, a person with training that the people on this and other forums don't have-- it's about keeping you off the sex offender list.

You can lie to yourself all you like, but don't lie to us.
Gretchen 1965
 
  0  
Reply Mon 24 Dec, 2018 01:39 pm
@jespah,
I am not in love with this upper middle class stuck up always overdressed stupid woman nor do i want a long-term affair, all I think about when i see her is having sex with her. She is so tall and big and soft. I masturbate just thinking about her. I experience vivid erotic dreams that involve her. I know I shouldn’t even be looking at her, yet alone groping her. I want sexual relation with her. I just want to make love with her. I see this woman as merely sex object. With this always dressed in silk and satin woman is about lust, not love. I was instantly extremely attracted to this woman. She can't even say no or push me away. But she is unresponsive to my touch. Usually when my hands are all over her she just kinda... let me do the groping, touching,rubbing , but she basically just sit/stand pretty stiffly.

I feel like a monster for something that I can't stop doing. And I feel so guilty. I am aroused by rubbing this woman. I hate that i have grown accustomed to it. What is wrong with me?It is all my fault.

I keep asking why me. Why I have to be such a pervert? I feel so dirty and guilty. I just hate myself. Now I'm convinced I'm a perv and a sexual freak. Why am I like this? Why? My other problem is that all the women i gotten far with were not my physical type.My whole life i can’t attract the women i find attractive. By the way, this has been an issue for me since I was 16.I think i'm really ugly. I think i am just exceptionally unattractive or have some sort of defect in my demeanor and there's nothing i can do about it. Now I'm convinced I'm a perv and a sexual freak. Why am I like this? Why? I am definitely post menopasual. I lost all drive when I was 49 and menopause was beginning four years ago. Had all the usual symtpoms: hot flashes, memory issues, moods, dry as a bone, no libido, periods becoming sporatic. My sex drive over the last two years has been on a steady rise. But now, all I can do is think about getting laid. I have this urge which grabs me without any notice or outside stimulation. I am thinking about sex with this touchable woman all the time. Though alone, I still have lots of very satisfying sex -- just not with partners. I have to keep telling myself I'm not hurting anyone and aside from the fact that it's a bit of a time waster -- it's not hurting me either. There are worse things I could be doing with my time.

Maybe I am a monster -- and maybe I like that. The reality is deep inside I know that i am hideous looking , every time I walk past a mirror I feel a pang in my heart as I'm reminded what everyone else is looking at . Being an ugly short skinny masculine soft butch lesbian just leads you to a viscous circle which if your lucky enough will break one day but otherwise you will be in a dark pit for a lot of your life . I'm about 5'3", and when I'm out and about and look around myself on a typical day, most people seem well and truly taller than me (including women). I feel a kind of resentment, over having been born this height, identifying as a lesbian and being attracted to women, none of which I regard as my choice. I also feel envious of tall butch lesbians. When I was a teenager, the other girls were into boys. But me... I was always left out, and terrified. I already felt like a monster at age 11 or 12 or so when I first started going through puberty. Because I knew I wasn't like the other girls, and attracted to what they are.
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Thu 27 Dec, 2018 11:08 am
You didn’t answer my questions.
0 Replies
 
roger
 
  3  
Reply Thu 27 Dec, 2018 05:14 pm
@edgarblythe,
edgarblythe wrote:

How would it be if somebody like myself started grabbing you all the time like that?


If you or I did all that, we would be charged with sexual assault. At least.
Gretchen 1965
 
  0  
Reply Fri 28 Dec, 2018 01:56 pm
@roger,
I am tiny short skinny 53year old masculine woman.I am not tough and strong. I am not intimidating.I am physically completely harmless.This touchable woman is physically stronger than me. She is always on high heels i am always in flat shoes. As i said standing next to me she looks like a giant.But for me the, taller a woman the better. I feel immensely attracted even standing next to tall,curvy, feminine women. I do get away with groping this stupid stuck up always overdressed woman all the time, simply because she lets me. I can just walk up to her and feel her breasts or grab her butt when ever i feel like it!! I routinely slap or rub her butt. I love to squeeze or jiggle her massive breasts(when no one is around). They are so soft and squishy. I love her height and her curvy stature.She dresses in mainly form fitting satin and silk fashionable clothing. She is always on high heels and full make up on.

This has been going on for over three months now. I just can't help touching her and groping her . And I don't want to because she's very straight. This is bothering me because I just can't stop thinking about her sexually. I am going through hell at the moment. Now I'm worried that this makes me a creep. I feel guilty all the time and hate myself for getting aroused by touching and rubbing this woman . I don't know if this makes me a predator. I don't want to be a predator. I would never force myself on anyone. .

I agree with you. You are totally right. The things women do if men did would land them in jail instantly. Women will grab, touch and make sexual gestures without even knowing a woman/man. BY FAR women are more aggresive because WE KNOW WE CAN GET AWAY WITH IT.
0 Replies
 
Gretchen 1965
 
  1  
Reply Tue 15 Jan, 2019 04:48 am
@jespah,
You are right. I have symptoms of being a narcissist. I know it's not normal but I feel like without all these awful things I do, I'm just a scared pathetic person. I inflict my desires on this touchable woman without regard for the harm it may do her. It's all about me. Why am I like this? Why? My other problem is that all the women i gotten far with were not my physical type. My whole life i can’t attract the women i find attractive. I'm really ugly. My face is full of horrible features and I am short and very skinny. My face ... I gave a lot of bad luck. It's just ugly. It's sad to know that I'll never look good in photos and videos (that's why I don't like to appear in these things), and worse, that I'll never get a beautiful girlfriend. Yeah, I know it's probably a selfish thought, but one thing I've always wanted to have, is a beautiful girlfriend, and hasn't anything wrong with that.
0 Replies
 
 

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