7
   

Dating a divorcee

 
 
neptuneblue
 
  2  
Reply Mon 31 Dec, 2018 10:47 am
@livinglava,
Maybe you read a different post than I did. No where in OP's message is there any reference to sex. So I'm not sure where your tirade came from or is going.
0 Replies
 
livinglava
 
  -2  
Reply Mon 31 Dec, 2018 11:01 am
@izzythepush,
izzythepush wrote:

The only person displaying addictive behaviour of this thread is you. Your prurience is getting out of hand, it's probably the main reason you're so pissed off with everyone.

Who says I'm 'pissed off?' All I did was say that step-parenthood is a far more important issue to consider than sex. Then all these sex-addicts got 'pissed off' at me because they need to hear sex constantly validated and worshiped for some reason.

Sex is just pleasure. Get over it. There are more important things in life.
izzythepush
 
  3  
Reply Mon 31 Dec, 2018 11:41 am
@livinglava,
livinglava wrote:
Who says I'm 'pissed off?'


I just did.

livinglava wrote:

Sex is just pleasure. Get over it. There are more important things in life.


You're the one obsessed with sex, you brought it up and kept banging on about it. Then you accuse others of your own obsession. It's not healthy.
livinglava
 
  -1  
Reply Mon 31 Dec, 2018 12:10 pm
@izzythepush,
izzythepush wrote:

You're the one obsessed with sex, you brought it up and kept banging on about it. Then you accuse others of your own obsession. It's not healthy.

I had to go back through the thread to see what happened. In post . . .000, I mentioned 'desires,' which I didn't mean to specify sexual desires in any way. I was just talking about people putting their relationship desires over the good of children in the situation.

Then post #. . .005 responded to what I said by bringing up sex specifically, I assume in response to what I said about 'desires' more generally.

You accusing me of being obsessed with sex for saying it shouldn't be a priority is like a drug addict complaining the police are obsessed with drugs for trying to stop addicts from using.
chai2
 
  3  
Reply Mon 31 Dec, 2018 12:21 pm
@livinglava,
So you’re the sex police?

maxdancona
 
  1  
Reply Mon 31 Dec, 2018 12:42 pm
There is a huge difference between dating a single parent and being a step-parent. I have done both.

Dating someone with children doesn't make you any kind of parent. Your relationship is with the adult. That doesn't give you any responsibility for the children.

To my girlfriend's children, I am mommy's boyfriend. I am nothing more. I am nice to them, I like to play with them, but I have zero parental role. Everyone understands this and everyone is happy with this. My daughter understands that my girlfriend isn't her mother and never will be. My daughter treats my girlfriend as a friendly adult that is with her dad. That works well.

I am a step-father too. When I got married my now ex-wife had two sons. Their idiot father was out of the picture. I very intentionally took the role of father. I raised them. I counselled them. I gave them what they needed. I disciplined them. My wedding vows included vows to love and care for my stepsons. I love them (and now that they are adults I still love them).

Being a step parent means taking all of the responsibility to love children as your own. This is a big decision and a life-long commitment. Even after I divorced their mother, I consider to love and care for my stepsons.

You don't take that responsibility just because your boyfriend or girlfriend has kids.


livinglava
 
  -3  
Reply Mon 31 Dec, 2018 01:13 pm
@chai2,
chai2 wrote:

So you’re the sex police?

So your the anti-police bully?
0 Replies
 
livinglava
 
  -2  
Reply Mon 31 Dec, 2018 01:19 pm
@maxdancona,
maxdancona wrote:

There is a huge difference between dating a single parent and being a step-parent. I have done both.

Dating someone with children doesn't make you any kind of parent. Your relationship is with the adult. That doesn't give you any responsibility for the children.

What an amazing shirking of responsibility for someone vulnerable in a situation. Your disregard for basic human responsibility is giving me insight finally into why MF is a curse word.

Quote:
To my girlfriend's children, I am mommy's boyfriend. I am nothing more. I am nice to them, I like to play with them, but I have zero parental role. Everyone understands this and everyone is happy with this. My daughter understands that my girlfriend isn't her mother and never will be. My daughter treats my girlfriend as a friendly adult that is with her dad. That works well.

You don't have to play a certain role to take responsibility for children, but you do have to prioritize their interests and well-being over your own desires.

When it comes down to making sacrifices for them, you have to be willing to do that. Otherwise you are putting yourself above them in their parent's life.

Quote:
I am a step-father too. When I got married my now ex-wife had two sons. Their idiot father was out of the picture. I very intentionally took the role of father. I raised them. I counselled them. I gave them what they needed. I disciplined them. My wedding vows included vows to love and care for my stepsons. I love them (and now that they are adults I still love them).

You make it into such a big-sounding thing. Prioritizing children over adults is just doing the right thing.

Quote:
Being a step parent means taking all of the responsibility to love children as your own. This is a big decision and a life-long commitment. Even after I divorced their mother, I consider to love and care for my stepsons.

You don't take that responsibility just because your boyfriend or girlfriend has kids.

You're talking about something beyond the basic prioritization of interests that I am talking about.
0 Replies
 
izzythepush
 
  2  
Reply Mon 31 Dec, 2018 01:37 pm
@livinglava,
That's the most anal thing I've ever read, seriously.

You're obsessed. Stop obsessing about what goes on in other people's bedrooms, try something else like gardening. You can still disapprove of bees and other pollinating insects and give everyone else a break.
livinglava
 
  -2  
Reply Mon 31 Dec, 2018 01:41 pm
@izzythepush,
izzythepush wrote:

That's the most anal thing I've ever read, seriously.

You're obsessed. Stop obsessing about what goes on in other people's bedrooms, try something else like gardening. You can still disapprove of bees and other pollinating insects and give everyone else a break.

It used to be a defense of sexual privacy to tell people to stay out of other people's bedrooms. Now you've made it into a way to harass people for posting views that fail to worship sex. Congratulations on the perversion.
izzythepush
 
  4  
Reply Mon 31 Dec, 2018 06:16 pm
@livinglava,
I think 99% of the posts on here, if not more fail to worship sex. Believe me, failing to worship sex isn't an issue, not for most people anyway.

You're the one doing the harassing by turning the conversation around to sex all the time, and by trying to ram your twisted beliefs down others' throats.

You sound deranged.
livinglava
 
  -2  
Reply Mon 31 Dec, 2018 09:37 pm
@izzythepush,
izzythepush wrote:

I think 99% of the posts on here, if not more fail to worship sex. Believe me, failing to worship sex isn't an issue, not for most people anyway.

You're the one doing the harassing by turning the conversation around to sex all the time, and by trying to ram your twisted beliefs down others' throats.

You sound deranged.

You're mean.
0 Replies
 
CalamityJane
 
  2  
Reply Mon 31 Dec, 2018 11:08 pm
@neptuneblue,
neptuneblue wrote:

All the communication in the world isn't going to get him out of his work hours. Hospitality usually means both Friday and Saturday nights and holidays. It's a rough schedule. And it's ok if that's your chosen profession.

But dating someone like that also means a lot of alone time, something that I think OP shouldn't have to endure at this time in her life. She should dating someone who has more time for her, recognizes that a relationship cannot grow in a vacuum or when it's only convenient for him.

I don't think OP should be waiting around for him to be able to find time for her. She deserves more than that.


I agree with you and the mere thought that she's seeking advice means that she has subconsciously doubts too.

They do live in the same city now, but he has not offered to move in together. This would make things much easier for OP and her partner, yet it hasn't happened. After being together for a lengthy period she has not met his daughter and she's not included in his inner circle so to speak.

She's the girlfriend he sees when he's got a free minute. At 26, she deserves more attention and more involvement and commitment from him. Neither has happened.
livinglava
 
  -1  
Reply Tue 1 Jan, 2019 11:04 am
@CalamityJane,
CalamityJane wrote:

I agree with you and the mere thought that she's seeking advice means that she has subconsciously doubts too.

They do live in the same city now, but he has not offered to move in together. This would make things much easier for OP and her partner, yet it hasn't happened. After being together for a lengthy period she has not met his daughter and she's not included in his inner circle so to speak.

She's the girlfriend he sees when he's got a free minute. At 26, she deserves more attention and more involvement and commitment from him. Neither has happened.

Exactly, and probably he has no reason to think about her wanting more than that because he is in a phase of his life where he has plenty on his plate with family and other responsibilities, so he is probably thinking how great she has it to just have a lot of free time.

Meanwhile, she's feeling like she wants more than a solitary life with a relationship where she just connects with the guy sometimes when it's convenient.

Life is ironic, if I understand the situation correctly, because if they were in each others' situations, they would probably both appreciate the relationship more. He would like having an older friend that doesn't demand too much of him; and she would like having a kid and a full set of time demands.
0 Replies
 
maporsche
 
  1  
Reply Wed 2 Jan, 2019 04:00 pm
I would not have wanted to date a single parent at age 26. I wasn’t mature enough.

If you are ready for that then heed the advice already given.

I’d just want to be sure I was ready.
0 Replies
 
 

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