Wed 14 Nov, 2018 06:43 pm
I have been working with a woman for over a year and a half now, frequently on projects together a year now. We are both married (not to each other) and have kids.
We started randomly grabbing drinks together after a long week for about 7 months now. It seems and feels to me that there is a potential energy/connection/chemistry between us when at the bar recently, lingering looks, sometimes pushing her body close against mine.
A few weeks ago she and I met up for her milestone birthday and we were there for a couple hours. Initally I thought others would be joining, but no one else did. I was surprised she stayed as long as she did considering her family was at home. A bunch of flirtatious looks from her were made. I may have been making them also, I don't know.
We went to a group happy hour very recently and spent much of the evening talking to one another in close proximity and had some lingering looks from her again. At one point she whispers in my ear "you have beautiful eyes" and turns away. At the end of the night she was in her car parked next to mine, as I start to back out she's looking over at me a blows a kiss to me and I just smiled at her. We haven't discussed the details of that evening other than the 'I had fun last night' jargon. Not sure if I need or want to dive into that level of information or how to go about it.
If I saw coworkers in that situation I'd think something was going on between them, and I'm assuming that others from the office noticed.
I'm looking for thoughts on her actions and meanings for the actions. Issues at home? Chemistry? Enegry? I need to diffuse the situation. Any suggestions? New job or transfer is not an option for me.
So my first thought was if you donâ€™t even know if you were giving flirtatious looks to someone, youâ€™re not the best judge of whether anyone is doing that to you.
Why donâ€™t you ask your wife what she thinks?
Talk to your wife about what is going on.
She needs to know now - from you - before someone else mentions it to her.
until you talk to your wife -no more random drinks/looks/birthdays/chats/anything with this other woman
You seem concerned that she is coming on to you and you say you want to diffuse the situation. Well, here's a suggestion. STOP meeting her for drinks after work. If you wish to stop for a drink with her, invite your wife to join you. My wife is very tolerant of my sometimes flirtatious ways, but she would draw the line with my meeting up with a female coworker for one on one time at a bar. Sorry, I just do not think it is proper. You are married. Your wife would probably appreciate it if you were spending time at home with her rather than with a married female coworker.
Edit: And I agree with the earlier comment about talking to your wife about the situation. You REALLY do not want her finding out in a way that will lead her to believe you have crossed a line that you have not crossed.
Hey, go for it. She wants you.
Thank you for your reply. So I spoke to my wife shortly after posting. It did not bother her that I was out for a few drinks with this woman, but she does think the other woman is into me. My wife thinks the other woman may have personal issues going on at home and is looking for some fulfillment elsewhere.
Thank you for your reply. There have been no meet ups since this posted incident and no plans to go out.
Interesting you say that. One of our early meet ups she had a few drinks and then blurted out that she loved me, quickly followed by 'as a friend'. I think it was a verbal slippage with a cover up.