Sun 4 Nov, 2018 11:15 pm
To tell my story I’m gonna start from the beginning ( and sorry if there are some mistakes along the way but you’ll know why ).
Everything started when I was kid, I was in my home continent, and I was pretty normal; until one day my brother got a fever and couldn’t come with me in our athletic training, i hated that sport, but even if my dad knew that he made go anyway; once I got there I started feeling nauseous and ended up throwing up in the bathroom, and after that damned day it happened again and again every day one after another one, I even threw up in my demonstration, so at that point I started using gums, and they were working to calm the sense of vomiting but even with that sometimes happened anyway. At the end I stopped doing that sport, but this “sensation “ followed me outside; in school, with friends; it always went worst and worst every year, I stopped going to school trips and basically doing a lot of fun stuff, because I was afraid that the sensation would have came back, then it happened again in church, during my catechism, I had to read something in front of everybody, I started getting a gum after another, but I threw up anyway. I thought that growing up it would have go away, but it didn’t, it went worst and worst.
Years ago my dad who used to came and leave during my childhood in the USA , ended up staying here, divorcing with my mom. And few years ago he asked me and my brother to come work with him and help him with the business. Even though I was terrified I said “yes “ since my home country is very poor of jobs. I started high school carrying always gums with me, like I used to back in my town; I made friends after a year of learning English, and I graduated.
I didn’t go to: prom, graduation, grad bash, because I was scared of what could happened with one my anxiety attacks. I was getting eaten by fear and so I’m now, doing a job that I hate and losing those few friends I made in high school.
A year ago I decided to change my life, that I will NOT let this fear conditions my life, so I retook the SAT, improving of 420 points, and I have great plans for my future, following my passion. But I’m always so scared, every day I carry with me a pack of gums.... I can’t stay without, or I panic. I never said to anyone my secret. I’m 19 years old and I never kissed a girl or had sex, never went to a club, or the beach with a girl, even tho I’m kinda attractive , I’m just very nervous everytime there is a situation going on, and sometimes even if there isn’t.
I refused to go to psychologist cause my dad and in general my family is old fashioned about this stuff.
So I started a kind of training last week. One day a week I’ll go out to a club, doing something that could stimulate my anxiety; I’ve read somewhere that you can’t get rid of anxiety, but you can learn to get used to it.
And so I’m here writing this poem just to try achieve help of any kind, scared of ruining my future by myself.
Go to a psychologist anyway. Who cares what your father says or thinks? You're over 18. This means you're an adult in America. You get to take charge of your own medical destiny.
And, BTW, we have physician/patient and therapist/patient privilege here. A therapist isn't allowed to tell anyone what goes on in a therapy session, unless you are deemed to be a danger to yourself or others. And anxiety attacks, as upsetting as they are, don't come under such an umbrella.
Is therapy too much to start? Then talk to an old teacher you trust, or a member of the clergy. Talk out your feelings, and get tools for dealing with your anxiety. It can
be overcome. Hell, you've already proven that with your incredible SAT turnaround.
It's going to be okay.