Married 10yrs, cheated, depressed, and confused

Hi, I’ve been married 10yrs with no kids (undergone various IVF trials with 2 miscarriages; male-factor infertility, low sperm count) my husband has micro-cheated a few times with no “physical” interaction that I know of. I forgave him and moved on. The last straw was a few months ago when he lied about receiving pics (sexting) with a 3 coworkers.

Right before I found out, I had a platonic interaction with someone in which our two groups of friends hung out and talked for hours (Bach party in Vegas). He knew I was married and did not press, but did say he had a crush before we all parted ways.... he was very respectful. Numbers were exchanged so we all could meet later that day, we continued speaking (as friends).

I mentioned my husband’s lies to him one day and it went down hill from there. We definitely had a physical attraction and tons of things in common and 90% of the time we’re having regular, fun conversations. He lives on the opposite coast so we never physically saw each other, but there were pics/videos sent. My husband found out and wanted a divorce. Then days later wanted to remain together.

I started Indiv counseling & realized my hurt and resentment came from years of bullying by my in laws, him not standing up for me, and me going through IVF because of him, him taking me for granted, his cheating and lies etc. also that I had not set clear boundaries and allowed him to take advantage of me.

I spent a weekend by myself which I decided I wanted a divorce. I had undergone emotional abuse for the entire duration of my marriage! I talked to my AP everyday and spoke about actually seeing each other after my divorce. He remained very supportive for my happiness and self control, never pressuring me to do anything.

I spoke with my husband and told him about my decision to divorce. He made valid points as to why we shouldn’t (we’re Christians, he will change etc) so I decided to give him an opportunity to demonstrate change. I told my AP and he said it was the right thing to do and that he understood. He then blocked me on Social media (which HURT!). I understand he’s setting boundaries for himself, but I miss him and my days are silent without the laughter and joy I had from him for those few short months.

What the hell do I do?!! Stay with my husband, who I’ve built a home and life with and says he loves me. Or be single and explore the option of my AP?