16
   

Liberals sending out fake powders and fake bombs pretending to be conservatives.

 
 
hightor
 
  4  
Reply Thu 1 Nov, 2018 01:10 pm
@maporsche,
Yes, it happened on the "Monitoring Trump" thread. Finn was being sarcastic and probably thought everyone would know he was joking. But I remember back on Abuzz when he announced that his days were numbered — I think it was a thread about choosing the music at your own funeral — and when I saw his post here I thought it might be something serious.
Lash
 
  -4  
Reply Thu 1 Nov, 2018 02:54 pm
@Olivier5,
You’re a fake human.
Finn dAbuzz
 
  9  
Reply Thu 1 Nov, 2018 08:53 pm
@hightor,
You have a good memory.

This is what I will say about the Abuzz post: When I made it, I truly believed that my days were numbered, not because of a physical condition, but because of a mental one. I have struggled with and been treated for depression and anxiety for about 35 years. For most of this time I have had the disorders under control, but twice now (Once around the time of the Abuzz post and again about six years ago, I learned the very hard way that anti-depressants have a nasty habit of becoming ineffective over time and that once the slide back begins it can move very rapidly. At the time of that post my meds had ceased being effective, and I was under crushing stress. I weathered the first crisis without incident, but came too damned close to not doing the same with the second one. I was very, very lucky.

I think I posted the comment on Abuzz as a sort of wakeup call to ME, a means to impress upon myself that I was seriously considering a very foolish and final act, and to be honest, I was probably also feeling sorry for myself.

For obvious reasons, my mental illness is not something I have ever raised in this forum. While I know I should not be ashamed of my condition, just typing "my mental illness" puts a knot in my stomach, in a way typing "my cancer," or "my heart disease" never would. In the final analysis, I much prefer to suffer from a disorder that with continued vigilence can be kept in check over coming down with a terminal disease, but for someone of my generation and with my personality admitting to these conditions is admitting to a terrible weakness, not of the body, but of the mind.

Around the time of the Abuzz demise I had the opportunity to communicate privately with one my fellow Abuzzers who you probably would remember, if I could recall her name. (I recall that she told me that was also corresponding with another Abuzzer and if memory serves, it was you and so you will probably know who she is) I feel terrible that I can't recall her name, but I felt even more terrible when I learned that she was dying from a terminal illness, that she recalled the post to which you referred, and was angry with me over it. When she learned that I was not terminally ill too, she assumed, I think, that I had to have been trawling for sympathy. I honestly can't remember if I shared with her what I have shared here, but I suspect I did not because of pride. I can't imagine how I might have tried to explain it without revealing the truth, but it must have been pathetic. She was a very sweet woman whose regard I did not casually dismiss, but I believe I allowed her to think the actual worst rather than admitting to something that was no where near as bad, or bad at all.

Not exactly sure why I am sharing this now. There have been several times when replying on a thread started by someone with a mental illness or suicidal thoughts, that I have wanted to tell them that I had a very good idea of where they were coming from because I've been there and still remain in the vicinity. If I hit the "Reply" button (And I'm still not sure I will), I will be able to do so in the future.

I've written before that most of the serious posts I make are written for an audience of one: Me. That is primarily the case here.

I was being sarcastic with blatham (which is something other than joking - just ask Ron Rosenstein) and, because of the Abuzz experience, as soon as I saw someone misunderstood, I immediately explained to them that I was fine, that I was being sarcastic and that I very much appeciated their concern and good wishes. The thread is out there somewhere for anyone who wishes to verify what I've claimed or would like to stick some evidence up my nose.

I was not trawling for attention on Abuzz, but while you seem to accept the reason for my remark to blatham, you might not have a reason to accept the this without this revelation and I don't want to repeat the mistake I believe I made with our friend on Abuzz. I suppose you still might not accept my explanation or there may be one or more people who believe I am not being truthful here, but I truly don't care.








maporsche
 
  3  
Reply Thu 1 Nov, 2018 09:30 pm
@Finn dAbuzz,
Despite whatever is going on in your mind Finn, it took a lot of mental strength to type these words here. I suffered a single spell of depression for about 6 months once and I can’t imagine living a life with that constant battle. My sister whom I’m closest to does live a life like that and it’s very painful to see as I’m sure it is to experience.

I can’t think of anyone who will think less of you for any of that, and if they do then they truly are deplorable.
0 Replies
 
Olivier5
 
  3  
Reply Thu 1 Nov, 2018 09:57 pm
@Finn dAbuzz,
Wow, hats off. That may be the classiest, most honest post I ever read here... You're the man!

I hope you get better Finn; and trust that putting it out there like you did will help.
Walter Hinteler
 
  2  
Reply Thu 1 Nov, 2018 10:54 pm
@Finn dAbuzz,
Not many can do what you did, Finn.
Thanks!
0 Replies
 
Olivier5
 
  2  
Reply Thu 1 Nov, 2018 10:55 pm
@Lash,
Lash wrote:
You’re a fake human.

Indeed, I'm a Martian pretending to be one of you puny earthlings. How did you spot me? That darn stiff pinkie, again?
farmerman
 
  5  
Reply Fri 2 Nov, 2018 12:33 am
@Finn dAbuzz,
Well, what can I say, sorry for bringing up the entire discussion a few pages back. Depression and its associated passengers can be insidious with the way they rules our lives. I had several friends who dealt with it, with varying degrees of recovery. We may all disagree based upon the different poles we view the world, but we all care. I recall talking with several of our Abuzz annd A2K whov left us and even those with whom I had a daily disagreement, i considered em as sort of a family.
We may not have seen eye to eye but we would always provide each other support in times of personal trouble or great triumphs.





0 Replies
 
hightor
 
  2  
Reply Fri 2 Nov, 2018 03:35 am
@Finn dAbuzz,
Finn, thank you for this. Of course I believe you.

<brief comradely hug>

The woman was Joan Lee. And she was an exceptionally fine person. I consider myself something of a Joan Lee disciple when it comes to forum comportment — but I have to work at it; it was effortless for her. She was all heart.
Walter Hinteler
 
  3  
Reply Fri 2 Nov, 2018 05:30 am
@hightor,
Joan was a very kind, very intelligent and very knowable person.
0 Replies
 
Lash
 
  -4  
Reply Fri 2 Nov, 2018 03:06 pm
@Olivier5,
Olivier5 wrote:

Lash wrote:
You’re a fake human.

Indeed, I'm a Martian pretending to be one of you puny earthlings. How did you spot me?

Your cloying sheeple rhetoric.

You used to think for yourself.
revelette1
 
  1  
Reply Fri 2 Nov, 2018 03:43 pm
@Olivier5,
agreed
0 Replies
 
revelette1
 
  3  
Reply Fri 2 Nov, 2018 03:45 pm
FBI confirms suspicious package sent to Tom Steyer
0 Replies
 
Finn dAbuzz
 
  1  
Reply Fri 2 Nov, 2018 08:50 pm
I truly appreciate all of the trulyunexpected and truly unsolicited kind words offered as a result of my post.

While my condition has presented difficulties in my life, I am hardly alone in having had to deal with challenges, and a great many people have had to overcome similar and more severe obstacles. The post was only relevant in the context of insinuations that were being made and a question to which they gave rise. I had a personal reason (which I hope I explained) to make it in this thread rather than responding to Hightower in a PM, but I will be more than happy to now move beyond it.

Thanks again though

0 Replies
 
Olivier5
 
  4  
Reply Fri 2 Nov, 2018 11:59 pm
@Lash,
I do try to think for myself, don't align myself to anybody else, here or in real life, not even to you darling. I just sincerely think that Trump is a serious danger to the US democracy and the world, and that the Dems are the only ones who can take him down.
0 Replies
 
 

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