Wed 24 Oct, 2018 03:36 pm
I am a 32-year-old woman, married for the past four years, not quite unhappy enough to leave but decidedly unsatisfied especially in terms of sexual attraction to my husband - I have never felt any physical chemistry with him and cannot imagine that I will. However at this stage I am staying in the marriage due to huge feelings of guilt, family pressure, lack of other options and financial reasons....
Recently met a fantastic guy online and got chatting - he is also married but travels a lot for work, about fifteen years my senior, incredibly attractive and "partner material" for sure. We flirted a lot and he was very keen to meet up, we caught up for a drink, had amazing chemistry, kissed (it was mind-blowing!!) and agreed to meet again. A few hours later got a text from him saying that meeting me had been a "reality check" and he "knew he couldn't go through with it"...literally only hours after he had been so into me.
Can someone really just change their mind like this? I have not heard from him since (this was three days ago...) and deleted his number but feel so shocked by what has happened as I felt really keen and believed him to be as well. The chemistry felt beyond the physical - great conversation, really compatible. His wife is very attractive but clearly he is wanting something else so why the sudden cooling off?
Oh, I don't know. Maybe he just realized that he didn't want to be a cheating SOB. Or that cheating was not worth the risk of losing his family. Or maybe he realized that his vows were more important than a cheap fling.
I'm sure there are lots of reasons he decided to back away. Why don't you get your husband's opinion on why this guy decided not to pursue you? I'm sure he would have some insight into this guy's thinking. And it would give your husband the opportunity to decide whether he still wants to be in a marriage with someone who is actively trying to destroy it.
Look, if you are not happy, then there is absolutely no reason not to end the marriage. Get out of it. Give yourself (and your husband) the opportunity to find happiness. Otherwise, work on making things better at home.
There is a difference between a fantasy and reality. While the fantasy of an affair apparently appealed to him, the reality with all the potential consequences did not. At least he did not drag you along.
Sounds like the reality of messing around on his wife wasn't what he thought it could be.
It also sounds like you need to get things sorted out in your life. Your husband deserves to be with someone who loves him and is attracted to him. You staying with him because you have no other options is truly unfair to him.