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Fri 25 Mar, 2005 04:35 pm
well things did not work out with recovering alcoholic that i'd been dating...we basically ended things about a week ago, he said he cant be emotionally involved with anyone, he's taking advice from his therapist and he said he cant even have sex because he's trying to do things different. He told me he wished he could be my boyfriend and would be if he could be. I told him that i needed to not talk to him for a while.
so i called him yesterday, he called me back today, we'd been texting this morning and i told him that i thought he was mad at me. He said he wasnt mad at all, but that he was just playing it cool.
So we talked and i mentioned i was going out to dinner with a friend tomororw night. He said, oh yeah, where is he taking you? Lately he does this a lot, last week he asked if i had a boyfriend, or did my boyfriend take me here/there etc. I said, i'm going with a girl, why do you always ask that stuff? he just said because i know it annoys you. I asked him, well if you had a date would you tell me? he was like, well there is nothing going on right now, but if i did yeah i guess i'd tell you. THen he says, but you dont want to hear that kind of stuff do you? i said, well would you want to hear about it from me? he paused, then just said, yeah tell me what you gotta tell me.
I guess i feel hurt...the thought of him dating others does hurt me...i was kind of hoping he'd say he just wanted to date me.
I am trying not to get upset, he said it was good to talk to me and that he hadnt seen me in a while...but we have no plans to see each other.
Am I having deja vu all over again?
Diana:
He doesn't want to date you; he doesn't want to get emotionally involved with you; he got sick and tired of your drama queen tactics; he got sick and tired of having to repeatedly explain why he didn't want to spend all his free time glued to your hip.
Alas, it doesn't appear that you have any choice other than to "get over him." Sorry it didn't work out the way you wanted it to. Time to move on!
Best wishes.
Really Debra, you should just say what you think and leave out the poetry.
<refusing to repeat self yet again>
I forgot the most important part of my poetic spiel:
Diana, he didn't meet your needs. You deserve someone who wants the same things that you want. Keep looking. Mr. Right is out there. In the meantime, work on your career. How's your writing class going?
This is a joke, right?
This was a good one.
Quote: I told him that i needed to not talk to him for a while.
so i called him yesterday,
Ha ha ha. diana, you are such a jokester.
Diana,
This guy has significant problems of his own. He can't handle a heavy relationship and you can't handle a casual one. I don't possibly see how this is ever going to cause you anything but continued grief. YOU DON'T NEED THIS MAN IN YOUR LIFE!!!! He is not capable of giving you want you want. He wants a friend, a shoulder to lean on, someone to talk to because HE'S LONELY. It's all about him. You, on the other hand, want someone who can commit to you, can share deep feelings with you and for you. You want passion and joy and happiness. He is not able to give you those things.
You're not over him yet. That's fine. These things take time. You haven't said anything new in this post. His story is the same as it's always been. You can't just be his friend - it's not in your nature to think of him that way. It's not what you're looking for, but it's all he has to offer. Continued contact with him will only prolong your pain. You really do need to cut the cord with him Diana.
Good luck and best wishes.
Why are you guys still trying?
because she can't help it.
I meant you guys... not Diana.
me too.
Diana is very insecure and anxious. She needs professional help in dealing with those things. She's getting therapy but she needs reinforcement on the same things over and over. She can't help it. It doesn't hurt me any to repeat myself. I might get old and turn grey in the process but she needs the support.
Every once in awhile I see somebody do something nice and unselfish for someody else. This reminds me that people, for the most part, are good at heart, which restores my faith in humanity.
You, J_B, have just done that and are a better person then I... keep up the good work.
Hats off to J_B for patience and caring!
re
i dont see what's so grueling about my posts.
So he called me twice yesterday...why??? we talked, had a normal conversation. I mentioned i went out sat night, he asked if i went on a date, i said no...
Re: re
Thank you JP and BK.
Syn? Cinn? the avatar is throwing me.
diana78 wrote:
So he called me twice yesterday...why??? we talked, had a normal conversation. I mentioned i went out sat night, he asked if i went on a date, i said no...
why??? Because he's lonely. He's told you how much he likes you and he wants you to be there for him. He just can't be there for you in the way you need him to be. It sounds very one-sided to me. He wants your support and friendship. Are you able to think of him as just a friend?
I'm glad you went out Saturday night.
Diana:
I think this man wants to keep you on the hook, so to speak, in hopes that you will be available when he wants to see you.
But, you know that he cannot meet your needs for love, affection, and companionship. He only wants you once in awhile -- not all the time. It has been pointed out that he cannot be happy in a committed relationship and you cannot be happy in a casual relationship. The two of you don't want the same things.
You are only torturing yourself by continuing to talk to this man. You know he can't give you what you want in order to be happy. I think you need to look for your happiness somewhere else -- possibly start looking within yourself for a start.
Best wishes, Diana.
re
i'm just hurting...it hurts when you like someone and they dont like you back no matter what the reasons might be. I just keep thinking about him, i wish i could see him. I guess in the back of my mind i keep hoping maybe he really does want to be with me too....
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