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In A relationship but talking to someone need advice please??!

 
 
Mer24
 
Reply Mon 8 Oct, 2018 09:40 pm
So 9 years ago i met this guy who i had serious chemistry with and got along great with, we seen eachother on and off for about 3years, we didnt always see eachother but we always had that spark and got along great.. After awhile we both lost contact and met other people, iv have been with my partner now for 6 years and have been very strong and happy till lately, i suffered alot with depression over the course of our relationship and finally feel like myself again and things are progressing for me, i still have my down days here and there but my work and everything has gotten so much better and my partner is out of work and moping and blaming things on me all the time now dont get me wrong i understand and hes not in anyway a bad guy hes been my rock over the years and iv supported him also, just lately its not been the same.. So 3 weeks ago i bumped into my ex fling, there was an instant connection and i brushed it aside until a few days later he text me and we began talking near everyday, we have such a strong connection and chemistry and weve both said we thought bout eachotber over the years.. i love my boyfriend very much and would never do anything i shouldnt and would never hurt him like that as i do respect him and know that this is wrong, but i just cant help wondering what if? Is there anything there with this other guy as we still have that spark all them years later, bare in mind hes also with his partner 6years.. im just confused and would like advice, i know you might say leave my partner but im not sure thats what i want either im very confused as to why im feeling this way and looking for advice please thats Smile
 
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Tue 9 Oct, 2018 05:05 am
@Mer24,
I'm glad you recognize you might be told you should leave your current relationship. Because it sounds to me like it's just not working for you. There's nothing wrong with ending a relationship that's run out of gas. The ends of relationships do not need to be big screaming fights. They can sometimes just be quiet acknowledgements that it's over.

You don't owe him a relationship, even as he stood by you (which was lovely of him, of course, but any 'debt' you had about that has already been paid with interest).

As for this other guy - nostalgia is a powerful, powerful thing. Right now, he's the catalyst to you thinking about your current relationship and questioning things. That doesn't mean he's necessarily your best choice, either.

You can also go with neither of them. So few younger women these days go without a man or a roommate or both, ever! There is something truly wonderful and empowering about being the only person responsible for your life.
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Sofos
 
  1  
Reply Tue 9 Oct, 2018 05:10 am
@Mer24,
Well, what you currently doing is emotional cheating. Having said that, if you think that your current situation with your partner isn't ideal...maybe you should come open about it. Do you think that he will break up with you if you tell him the situation with the other guy?
jespah
 
  4  
Reply Tue 9 Oct, 2018 05:11 am
@Sofos,
Emotional cheating? C'mon; she's just talking to him. Or are you a person who believes that once someone is in a relationship they are never, ever allowed to talk to the opposite sex?
Sofos
 
  1  
Reply Tue 9 Oct, 2018 07:45 am
@jespah,
“there was an instant connection and i brushed it aside until a few days later he text me and we began talking near everyday, we have such a strong connection and chemistry and weve both said we thought bout eachotber over the years.. i love my boyfriend very much and would never do anything i shouldnt and would never hurt him like that as i do respect him and know that this is wrong, but i just cant help wondering what if?”

Really?? Define emotional cheating . She clearly (both actually ) has deep feelings for him to even wonder how would it be like if she was with him .

And no, I’m don’t have any issues of couples having friends and talking ...but this is clearly more .
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Tue 9 Oct, 2018 07:47 am
@Sofos,
I still think she's in the wondering stage. The truth is probably somewhere in between.
Mer24
 
  1  
Reply Tue 9 Oct, 2018 09:51 pm
@jespah,
We are litterally just speaking yes we have said how weve felt and know eachother feel the same but i also have told him that i love my boyfriend and am not just willing to leave as i dont even know if what im feeling is just feeling from my past as maybe we might always like eachother, or is it something more and as of right now i feel like were both too confused and there fore should just part ways.. thats where im stuck my head is just all over the place.. i wouldnt call what im doing cheating as i havnt done anything very wrong ive not acted iv spoken and it has never gone beyond ths line..
0 Replies
 
Mer24
 
  1  
Reply Tue 9 Oct, 2018 09:53 pm
@Sofos,
I wouldnt say deep as we havnt spent any time together in years, we have no plans of doing so either.. we are both just confused why after so long there was still that spark feeling that you get..
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Tue 9 Oct, 2018 11:56 pm
@Mer24,
because limerence, that "spark" naturally fades to one degree or another after having known a mate for a significant amount of time. In that time deeper connections have been built that bind pairs together.

0 Replies
 
FOUND SOUL
 
  1  
Reply Wed 10 Oct, 2018 12:35 am
@Mer24,
I guess I would ask my inner child self, whether those 6 years has mean't that your boyfriend is your soul mate, you know? That connection left right and centre.

I mean, chemistry is chemistry. We as women will always have that with a man that just ticks those boxes.

Depression is real, it clouds our minds a lot but then, to get out of depression we need laughter, love and a whole lot of understanding and doing things we love.

Maybe access your current life, outside of relationships and chemistry, such as hobbies, things you love you have never looked into, thinks that you know would make you smile daily like some plants in a garden that you look at daily and nurture and water or an art class something outside of all of this so you can find what you love in life that belongs to you and take it from there.
0 Replies
 
 

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