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Not friends with my boyfriend on social media

 
 
sabzee
 
Reply Tue 21 Aug, 2018 08:57 am
Sometime ago my boyfriend and I had split for several months, and found ourselves wanting to try again and got back together. During our breakup he deleted me from social media (fb, instagram) but I kept him as a friend on my end. Our relationship has improved and we’re working on the issues we’ve had in the past. He hasn’t added me back as a friend though, and he’s very active on social media so it’s not like he just doesn’t notice. Im hesitant to bring it up because I’m worried it could turn into an arguement. Im not usually hesitant to speak my mind, however I know with him that sometimes being to straight forward hurts his ego and challenges his manhood. Would anyone else care about this trivial thing, or what would you do?
 
ehBeth
 
  3  
Reply Tue 21 Aug, 2018 09:00 am
@sabzee,
sabzee wrote:
Im hesitant to bring it up because I’m worried it could turn into an argument.

I'm not usually hesitant to speak my mind, however I know with him that sometimes being to straight forward hurts his ego and challenges his manhood.

Would anyone else care about this trivial thing, or what would you do?


depends on what you think is the trivial thing.

From my perspective, the big issue is a guy who has ego/manhood problems and will argue about adding you as a social media friend. I hope he is going for counselling and that you are considering why you are going with such a fragile guy.
sabzee
 
  1  
Reply Tue 21 Aug, 2018 09:19 am
@ehBeth,
Sounds like I’m selling him short..he’s a great guy in so many ways but our arguements tend to become larger than life when I think back to how I may have addressed our matters. I have faults too and less than ideal traits, as does he.. I’d like to be able to comfortably speak my mind, but I want to check on myself first so that I can do it respectfully
CoastalRat
 
  5  
Reply Tue 21 Aug, 2018 09:32 am
@sabzee,
If two people cannot discuss something as inconsequential as adding you as a friend on his social media accounts without arguing, then how in the name of sense are you going to handle the important stuff when it comes up?

And for you (or him) to be afraid to bring up a subject for fear of starting an argument? Geesh, I doubt there is much chance of this working in the long term unless something changes.
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Tue 21 Aug, 2018 06:34 pm
Since he's "very active" on social media, I would mention that you and he should become friends again. Just a suggestion.

But don't balk if he doesn't act on it. He MAY want that to be some kind of personal activity, something of his own.

0 Replies
 
FOUND SOUL
 
  1  
Reply Wed 22 Aug, 2018 01:37 am
@sabzee,
From my point of view, things were quite "hairy" before and both are trying a new start, new ways and a hopeful good outcome.

I mean there was something there to start with or you wouldn't try again.

I think that he may have a fear of things going back to where they were "when, he deleted you" and he's biding his time that's all.

This isn't in my opinion about having another arguement by you bringing this up, this is about him ensuring things are going in the right direction and when it is clear that you both don't argue anymore, you are on track he'll add you.

I think he has an ego, but you do too otherwise, you wouldn't be worried about him not being a "friend".

At the end of the day, you both command respect for each other when you've reached that you deserve to be best friends to, therefore added.
bunnyhabit
 
  -1  
Reply Wed 22 Aug, 2018 01:55 am
@sabzee,
tell him to add you as a friend immediately and delete all his side chicks as friends
0 Replies
 
sabzee
 
  1  
Reply Wed 22 Aug, 2018 08:44 am
@FOUND SOUL,
I get the ego part, he’s an alpha A type /INTJ and then there’s me.
Do you recommend any good books/reads on the subject of ego
0 Replies
 
 

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