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Relationship (long story sorry)

 
 
Reply Sun 19 Aug, 2018 04:54 pm
Its on the internet, and yes I know "omg you fool, long distant relationships never work!" Etc. But I’m 19. And **** it I like him. Met him online, started chatting on a VoIP (discord) he has my favourite type of humour. Very dry and sarcastic. Edgy. Likes video games like me, very clever, etc, a connection I’ve never felt with any person before. Best person I’ve met so far. Lets call him anon .One problem, I’m also a guy. *deep sigh*. Initially I thought I was 100% straight, but no! Godamn brain and its constantly changing tendencies! Don’t really know what I am (I’m told maybe biromantic?). Anyway a fee months passed after we first met online and we opened up more to each other and i noticed he started making very gay remarks to me (e.g. I wanna see a dick, some guy he saw in public looked hot) and I first just shrugged them off as jokes. But then they became more personal (saying he loved me several times, making sexual sounds when talking to me) so both me and another friend asked him if he were gay, he said "ew no lol… but I can be gay if you want me to". Tf does that even mean. More months passed, and I told him that I thought I was bisexual. And a week or two later, one day something happened. I cant remember it fully but it was something like: I said "do you love me?" And he said "yeah". It was odd, but I was over joyed. I’d never felt this before. I’d heard stories of love etc and even seen it myself, but I never thought I possible for me to have a chance. Anyway for a while it was kind of a blur of euphoria. Id never been so happy in my life. Aaanyway two weeks after that, some kid I invited to my server (which we all talk in) started to stir up trouble between my friends and acted like a huge dick to them. Massive prick. Guess who befriends him. Anon. They start doing everything together while this huge pan of drama starts to boil over, and my past neutral acts of diplomacy starts to wain. And then one night, when everyone is offline except me and Anon, we were talking and I cant remember what we were talking about, something about past relationships he had and love, and he just said “Oh, you know I don’t actually love you right? Its just a joke”…. I cried for several days. Maybe a week. It was like someone had just kicked me in the stomach, but the pain from it never went away for about 2 weeks. But worst of all, it all felt like I was part of some sick joke, in his fantasy world. Like I had been used. He sent me this (copied from a message he sent me “All I said was, I don't like you in the way you like me. If you are going to be sad all the time then I don't want to be around you. This what happened between us, will happen more often and you can't just be sad everytime this happens. So what I want to say with that is, get your **** together and move on. I'll let you make a desicion, we're going to move on and leave it OR I will leave. I can't be asked to constantly feel bad for something you missunderstud. I have been rejected so many time and I wasn't sad all the time, because I can move on. So please just forget about it and let us just be NORMAL again. This might let me be an asshole but I don't care, I just wanted to tell you this. “

This confused me, and kind of annoyed me. Basically, a message telling me to get over it, and that I misunderstood him?? Maybe he is right and I misunderstood idk. But I didn’t know. The stuff he said was sooo… convincing. So real. Anyway. He wanted some time away from me which was fair enough, and during these few days I pull myself together and ask the others in the server what they thought about the whole thing. A young 13 year old said he thought the love thing was a joke, another friend (about 16 at the time) said he thought it was real. People I talked to who didn’t know Anon were all very shocked, saying things like “sounds like a dick, forget about him, etc” I love him, he’s not a dick. At least not to me.
But this new kid who was at the time, still breaking apart our whole friendship circle (well described by one of his ex friends as; a cancer or infection). And drama was rife in the server between us all, and I tried to stay as neutral as possible. But eventually I was called for action (me being the server owner). I demanded a fair trail kind of thing and votes etc. so they agreed, and we did. The vote was a kick from the server. But if I kicked Anons new best bud he would likely follow suit and leave also. This seemed highly likely after what had just happened between us. So I didn’t do it. and so this infectious twat kept doing what he did best. Infected everyone. First it was Anon, and he started taking side with him on EVERYTHING. Logical or not logical, totally disregarding us all, then the 13 year old. Poor kid. But me and another didn’t buy into his ****. And huuge arguments would happen on a daily basis. It was awful. Eventually is somehow calmed down, and the didn’t come on anymore. And when the fag wasn’t there to have sides backing him, I laid down what he had done. And we all agreed in the end he was a massive dick. So. Yeah. I guess that brought us together. But anyway im kind of rambling here. THIS GUY I STILL LOVE HIM SEND HELP, I STILL TALK TO HIM EVERY NIGHT AND ITS KILLING ME AHAGAHA.
Also well done if you gotten this far. Extra points for you good sir.
I will be posting this elsewhere for extra chance of eyes to see it.
Thanks if you can be bothered to read/answer.
 
Leadfoot
 
  2  
Reply Sun 19 Aug, 2018 05:38 pm
@LowKey Biro,
Have you ever heard of NPD? Check it out if not.
LowKey Biro
 
  1  
Reply Sun 19 Aug, 2018 06:31 pm
@Leadfoot,
yeah I have thought about that. But I didn't think to mention it. Thanks.
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  3  
Reply Sun 19 Aug, 2018 06:33 pm
@LowKey Biro,
Your friends who said Anon is a dick?

Listen to them. They are right.

Look, the guy may very well be bi-curious and perhaps he was feeling out your reaction and then balked when it was something he was afraid of hearing. Hard to say. Or maybe he's a bully who tripped you into revealing your feelings. Either way, a dick move.

So step back. And block the little **** who's a cancer in your group. And if Anon leaves, then he leaves. And you will see where you stand. Which, from my perspective, is not anywhere good.

You got caught up in ... everything. Internet stuff can get you very intimate with someone very, very quickly. There are advantages to that and there are some disadvantages. And one of those disadvantages is one person zooming ahead with their feelings while the other one does not.

If Anon sticks around after you ban the little ****, then hey, kudos, maybe you do have something -- but it's a friendship and not a romance. And it's not much of a friendship when someone plays with your feelings like that. Like I said, that's a dick move.

Next time -- for this is not going to be the last person you ever confess your feelings to, not by a long shot -- consider both sides of the equation. Don't be so unselfish about everything that you let someone walk all over you. Love should be a two-way street, and it should essentially, on balance, be equal. This is not.
LowKey Biro
 
  1  
Reply Sun 19 Aug, 2018 06:37 pm
@jespah,
I see your point. And that all makes loads of sense. But I love him. I know its stupid and illogical, but I don't want to risk loosing him. If he is a dick, why do I still like him? Am I just a bit retarded? probably xD
Also BTW that guy is gone. After we all started to neglect him and ignore him he left.
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Sun 19 Aug, 2018 06:48 pm
@LowKey Biro,
These feelings you have -- they give off oxytocin in your brain.. When Brian Ferry sang "love is a drug", he was not wrong.

Give it time. At some point, your feelings will turn.

In the meantime, enjoy Brian Ferry and Roxy Music.
LowKey Biro
 
  2  
Reply Sun 19 Aug, 2018 07:00 pm
@jespah,
Probably
wait. no thats wrong. or at least morally or whatever. What about all human feelings ever? Marriages, friendships, etc. These are all just chemical reactions in our bodies. Most things that make us us are.
Will it just wear off? Maybe. But that doesn't make love wrong.
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Sun 19 Aug, 2018 07:43 pm
@LowKey Biro,
Well - and perhaps I hit reply too quickly - what I mean is that at some point, when your affections aren't being returned, most people realize that and the chemical reaction wears off. It gets replaced with righteous anger. And a good thing, too. Be angry at people who wrong you. Forgive eventually if you feel that's right. But it's perfectly fine to be angry at people who don't treat you well.

And for people who return your affections and are kind and caring? They're keepers. I've been married for over 26 years. And yes, my husband returns my affection. And more. We don't just love each other. We like each other. We care about each other. And we look out for each other.
Leadfoot
 
  2  
Reply Mon 20 Aug, 2018 07:57 am
@LowKey Biro,
Quote:
wait... .... What about all human feelings ever? Marriages, friendships, etc. These are all just chemical reactions in our bodies. Most things that make us us are.
Will it just wear off? Maybe. But that doesn't make love wrong.

Exactly the questions you should be asking.

Personally I don’t think the answer is 'time' or waiting for the pain to pass.
I only found relief when I faced the fact that I was in love with a person of my imagination, not the actual person. What triggers that realization will probably be different for everyone but IMO, that is what you must seek.

If you just 'let it pass' you will only kick the can down the road only to fall for the same thing again, sometimes with the same messed up person (like I did) or with someone else (also like I did) Once you realize what’s going on you will never be the same, and happier for it.
Setanta
 
  4  
Reply Tue 21 Aug, 2018 02:46 am
@Leadfoot,
Quote:
I only found relier when I faced the fact that I was in love with a person of my imagination, not the actual person.


This bears repeating. This is the essence of maturity in relationships--the ability to "extract" one's self from the relationship long enough to see the other person what what he or she truly is. Of course, as is implied in this response, that's not an anodyne for pain and sorrow. Nothing helps with that.
LowKey Biro
 
  1  
Reply Wed 22 Aug, 2018 10:15 am
@Setanta,
interesting
0 Replies
 
Setanta
 
  2  
Reply Wed 22 Aug, 2018 03:35 pm
I hate, I hate you Jessalonika!

Now I have a Roxy Music ear worm.
0 Replies
 
laughoutlood
 
  1  
Reply Thu 23 Aug, 2018 02:30 am
Quote:
I only found relief when I faced the fact that I was in love with a person of my imagination, not the actual person.


I can't help but wonder whether or not this applies to other beliefs.
Leadfoot
 
  1  
Reply Thu 23 Aug, 2018 07:46 am
@laughoutlood,
Of course it does.
The same reverence for reality needs to be applied to every aspect of life.
0 Replies
 
LowKey Biro
 
  1  
Reply Sat 25 Aug, 2018 10:44 am
@LowKey Biro,
Thanks for ur guys input. But whats the conclusion? Do I keep going with him. Or get rid, or something else? Btw even if you say get rid I wont be able to xD, but whatever you guys say will make everything a LOT easier knowing what the right thing is. And more opinions on this matter will help me form better ideas etc. (i am **** with relationships/friends etc).
0 Replies
 
LowKey Biro
 
  1  
Reply Sat 1 Sep, 2018 09:53 am
@jespah,
I forgave him almost instantly. I love him.
Also im pretty sure love is higher on the scale than like xD.
Also I dislike the idea of marriage.
neptuneblue
 
  1  
Reply Sat 1 Sep, 2018 11:13 am
@LowKey Biro,
Have you met any of these people in real life?

What does xD mean?

Leadfoot
 
  1  
Reply Sun 2 Sep, 2018 11:12 am
@LowKey Biro,
Quote:
I forgave him almost instantly. I love him.

FWIW: Here are two things I’ve found that are true about love.

1. Love is not blind, nor deaf, nor dumb.
2. 'Unconditional Love' is not love.

(#2 is a long and arduous one to get, but we’ll worth the effort.)
LowKey Biro
 
  1  
Reply Tue 4 Sep, 2018 07:04 am
@neptuneblue,
I have not met any of these people in real life, and it does not matter if i do. Also xD or XD is an emotive text, such as Smile. the x is closed eyes, and d is a BIG SMILE. xddDDdD.
LowKey Biro
 
  1  
Reply Tue 4 Sep, 2018 07:10 am
@Leadfoot,
The only reason there would not be love for me is if that person was a totally different person the next day. Apart from that all love is without a condition. Even if they announce they have no love for me.
Also, as much as I appreciate your input, I would prefer some help on this matter. Also I hate to be a grammar Nazi but its well. Without the apostrophe. We will - we'll. Well is just a word on its own. Thanks.
 

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