Definitions and translations

> 1. Jesse Jackson, Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's called "Ministers Do More Than Lay People."
>
> 2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.
>
> 3. The difference between the Pope and your boss....the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.
>
> 4. My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.
>
> 5. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the
> bathroom.
>
> 6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the
drink spilled and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood.
>
> 7. It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course,
> there's shipping and handling, too.
>
> 8. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the
> impression that he just cleaned the whole house.
>
> 9. My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines and a large trash can.
>
> 10. A blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me
off. I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid."
>
> 11. I'm so depressed. My doctor refused to write me a prescription for
> Viagra. He said it would be like putting a new flagpole on a condemned
> building.
>
> 12. My neighbor was bit by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was
and found him writing frantically on a piece of paper. I told him rabies
could be cured and he didn't have to worry about a Will. He said, "Will? What will? I'm making a list of the people I want to bite."
>
> 13. Definition of a teenager? God's punishment for enjoying sex.
>
> 14. As we slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point
> the wrong way.