Strange Financial Arrangement - Could I Be Next?

Reply Sun 5 Aug, 2018 02:05 pm
My partner's mother's boyfriend of 11 years financially supports her and financially assists with 3 of her children, aged 38, 24 and 22. I am not so opposed to him financially supporting my partner's mom but I see an issue with financially helping 3 adult children. He has given used cars to them, paid things like car insurance bills or just given cash in general. The children have financial problems stemming from poor life and financial choice such as spending money on booze and cigarettes and sometimes drugs. The boyfriend even gives money to the daughter pretty much knowing it will go to her alcoholic boyfriend.

Is there something wrong with this? I know this is none of my business but the reason is worries me is that my partner's mom's relationship with the boyfriend is rocky. I am probably the most successful and responsible person "in the family" and if their relationship ends, I feel my partner and I will be the "next ones up" expected to pitch in and help these kids out. It's a role I definitely don't want. Her family deep down are good people; I almost feel bad for writing this but I don't want to be caught up in this, especially when I'm working to pay off debt of my own.

Do I have a right to be concerned?
Reply Sun 5 Aug, 2018 02:31 pm
Wxman3441 wrote:
I know this is none of my business

You can feel any way you want. Just stay out of it.

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Reply Sun 5 Aug, 2018 03:21 pm
Yeah, think what you like, don't say anything and, if you're asked to contribute - sorry, no can do.

Don't explain it in detail. You can't (this is what you tell them if they push - that you can't). The answer is no. That's it. Now who wants pie?
Reply Sun 5 Aug, 2018 03:25 pm
Just make sure you and your partner are of one mind - that you will not provide a gravy train for able bodied adults, at any time.

You are right to be concerned. Dysfunctional family, for sure.
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Reply Sun 5 Aug, 2018 04:37 pm
In addition to what jes said, if the partner choose to contribute, that's non of the posters business either, as long as it doesn't hinder the running of the household.

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Reply Sun 5 Aug, 2018 06:50 pm
Yes, you have a right to be concerned. You should discuss your concerns (which seem reasonable to me) with your partner.

I would make it very clear. I would not take any responsibility (financial or otherwise) for the brothers and sisters of my partner under any circumstances.

There is nothing wrong with saying this. Dating someone does not give you any responsibility to take care of their adult siblings.
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Reply Sun 5 Aug, 2018 09:41 pm
You could always, over a great deal of time, send them links to sites that explain finances under the guise of 'these helped me when I was ####. I thought if you haven't been to the site, you might find it useful'. You can include each individual in a group list, so no one feels like they are targeted.

That way, if they ever come to sponge off you, not only can you say no, you can also show how you tried to help them along the way. Or if you do give them money, it can be on the proviso that they learn something about money (and show they've learned such)
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Real Music
Reply Sun 5 Aug, 2018 10:03 pm
If you and your partner are financially linked together and your partner at some point chooses to start financially supporting his or her family members, that will directly affect you financially. If you and your partner are married, the two of you are probably financially linked together. As long as you are not financially linked together, it shouldn't concern you. If you and your partner are only dating, you probably shouldn't have any concern. If you and your partner have joint accounts, joint debts, joint assets, or co-signings, that could potentially become an issue. That is if your partner start financially supporting his or her family members.
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