Past and Future

I was in college, when I got into a relationship for the first time. At first the guy seemed very nice but then he was always abusive. He would call me bitch/mf etc. He said that I was very jealous and controlling. So I felt guilty. We did spend some good time and I remember those memories. WE said that we will marry only each other, otherwise remain single the entire life. He was from a very poor family, and I was upper middle class still I didn't count it. I was university ranker and he would just pass but now he has a good stable job. He had fears that my family wont accept his and would always ask how much my dad earned. I left for higher studies abroad and he did his in the same country. I was fed up and met a very good guy here, who was understanding, wise, extremely intelligent and respecting. I started falling for him. And I made the decision to leave the abusive guy and be with the new guy. However, the old guy texted me more abuses on various social media messages that how come I left him and that I was a cheater. I didn't cheat him, i said that i would not like to be with him anymore for being abusive. And then moved to the new guy. After blocking, he used other numbers to reach out to me. I am already married to the new guy and he is getting married, however, I still think of him and think did I do wrong to him? His abuses run through my mind. Personally, I had miscarriage and lost my job due to visa issues, I feel that he might have cursed me (even though I try to be logical). He said that I will never be happy. Those words haunt me. I always was a university ranker, school ranker and mentioned him that I dream of having the best job and brightest kids, but everything opposite has happened. I have no one to share these feelings, I am pretty introvert person. I feel very low in life. I feel like leaving everything and to go in a shell. One of my relatives didn't have kids even after 10 years of marriage, so I am very fearful. I cry alone at times. I feel life is meaningless.