Answers found on 6th grade history exams,...quite funny
The following are actual answers provided by 6th
graders during a history
test.
(Watch the spelling! Some of the best humor is in
the misspelling.)
1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and
they all wrote in hydraulics.
They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of
the Sarah is such that all
the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea
where they made unleavened
bread, which is bread made without any
ingredients. Moses went up on Mount
Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died
before he ever reached Canada.
3. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven
hundred porcupines.
4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people,
and without them we wouldn't
have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth
is a female moth.
5. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went
around giving people advice.
They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose
of wedlock. After his death,
his career suffered a dramatic decline.
6. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races,
jumped, hurled biscuits, and
threw the java.
7. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the
battlefields of Gaul. The Ides
of March murdered him because they thought he was
going to be made king.
Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus"
8. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was
canonized by Bernard Shaw.
9. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a
queen she was a success.
When she exposed herself before her troops they
all shouted "hurrah."
10. It was an age of great inventions and
discoveries. Gutenberg invented
removable type and the Bible. Another important
invention was the
circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a
historical figure because he
invented cigarettes and started smoking. Sir
Francis Drake circumcised the
world with a 100-foot clipper.
11. Shakespeare was born in the year 1564,
supposedly on his birthday. He
never made much money and is famous only because
of his plays. He wrote
tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in
Islamic pentameter. Romeo
and Juliet are an example of a heroic couple.
Romeo's last wish was to be
laid by Juliet.
12. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was
Miguel Cervantes. He wrote
Donkey Hote. The next great author was John
Milton.Milton wrote Paradise
Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise
Regained.
13. Delegates from the original 13 states formed
the Contented Congress.
Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin
were two singers of the
Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered
electricity by rubbing two
cats backward and declared, "A horse divided
against itself cannot stand."
Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
14. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest
Precedent. Lincoln's mother
died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin
which he built with his own
hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by
signing the Emasculation
Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865,
Lincoln went to the theater
and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in
a moving picture show. They
believe the assinator was JohnWilkes Booth, a
supposingly insane actor. This
ruined Booth's career.
15. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical
compositions and had a large
number of children. In between he practiced on an
old spinster which he kept
up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the
present. Bach was the most
famous composer in the world and so was Handel.
Handel was half German, half
Italian, and half English. He was very large.
16. Beethoven wrote music even though he was
deaf. He was so deaf he wrote
loud music. He took long walks in the forest even
when everyone was calling
for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died
from this.
17. The nineteenth century was a time of a great
many thoughts and
inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand
and started reproducing by
machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a
network of rivers to spring
up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper,
which did the work of a
hundred men. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for
rabbits. Charles Darwin was
a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species.
Madman Curie discovered the
radio. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx
Brothers
