It's Like Frikkin Groundhog Day!

Interesting comment, snood.
Would you grieve the end of your marriage?

I didn't get a sense of any passion in your initial post. More one of annoyance.

I once asked a friend why he was getting married. He told me it was so he'd never have to go on another date. Not so much that he was madly in love with his fiancee - but he didn't want to date anymore. They've had a rather sad lacklustre life together, with a fair bit of straying on his part. I think passion would have been worth waiting for in his case - and without absolute passion and desire I'd not recommend reconciling in your case.

You post like someone with passion for life - don't lose that to regain 'dailyness' (I like that word too). I think you can find passion and dailyness in the same relationship - and wish that for you.

I am thinking along the lines of ehBeth, in wishing both passion and dailyness for you, and wondering if you can have them both with your ex.

Yes, I would grieve the end of the marriage. And I would grieve wounding an old friend - I haven't had so many friends that I can do that thoughtlessly. What you all say about not sacrificing passion is profound - it strikes me as very true in my case. It seems the answers to my questions are much more simple than easy.

I very much appreciate all who have tried to answer this thread honestly and from the heart.

Yup ... gotta say thats pretty damned profound, and that its very, very often the case. Sometimes the hardest person to be honest with is oneself.

BTW - I don't think it at all wierd to grieve a failed marriage ... I think it perfectly normal. Grief can do one of two things; lead to healing, or grow itself into an interminable downward spiral. I think often what one misses most - most longs for - followin' a failed relationship is some sorta dream of what one wishes that relationship had been, overshadowing the realities of what in fact it was. One wants not so much what had been, but what one wishes had been. A major underlyin' caue of relationship failure is mutually unmet expectations. Barrin' truly remarkable personal growth and redirection by both parties to a failed relationship, it is unrealistic to expect that a resumption of that relationship will meet the expectations placed on it by either party. Sure, folks can change, sometimes dramatically.

But mostly they won't. Whether they want to or not, whether they are able to or not, they mostly don't. Not to be pessimistic or curmudgeonly here - its just human nature to develop and maintain habbit patterns, and the habbit patterns governin' ones manner of interactin' with and reactin' to others are among the most deeply seated, ingrained, difficult-to-recognize-let-alone-change habbits we have. They're pretty much what make us what we are.

Be up front with yourself; do you want the relationship back, or do you want what you wish the relationship had been? Is there any reason to believe both of you have changed enough to render the causes of the previously failed relationship no longer a factor in the lives of either of you?

Simple really. Not pleasant, not easy, but simple.

...and much easier advice to give than to take.

There's absolutely no doubt about that, snood.

Relationship "stuff" is easier said than done. You just have to remind yourself that you're worth that hard work. Or we'll remind you.

Wondering how you're doing.
You and the groundhogs.