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Wed 23 Feb, 2005 11:30 am
This seems incrediablly trivial right now but I can't help feeling upset about it. So here goes....
I have been friends with R since high school. We were inseperable until college and then we drifted apart a little. We still kept in touch but because he lived an hour away, we didn't see each other much. R is gay and found himself a nice boyfriend. Everyone is happy. In college, I met A. Her and I became best friends and were inseperable. We graduated an naturally did not see each other as often. As life would have it, A found a job and moved to the same city R was living in with his partner. I felt very sad for A, since she was in a new town and had no one she knew so I asked R to take her under his wing. He did and everything was great. Everyone is happy. Then I notice things....they start hanging out more, calling each other more and including each other in on things they don't include me in on anymore. I push it off and tell myself that it shouldn't matter. That it is good my friends are now friends. Then, R and D (R's partner) buy a house. This is wonderful! Then, they tell A she should move in with them to cut her costs. They have the room. Suddenly, it's Will and Grace. She's the accessory for the gay men. It has really started to bother me because now, they confide in each other more than they do in me. It's like I got pushed out. Like I've lost both. The other day, I was on the phone with A and she had to go because D was on the phone. Now I am losing to R's partner too. Am I being selfish? Maybe I am but I feel like I brought them together so they could take me out of the equation. R's birthday was this past weekend and I sent him an ecard so he knew I didn't forget. I didn't call (I ama jerk) because my life has been insane the last 2 weeks but he emailed me today saying "thanks for the card....I was down by you on my birthday"....wait, you were down here and didn't call me? Didn't even let me know he was in the area? So, guess spending his birthday with me was not an option. This isn't the first time he's been down my way and didn't let me know. **sigh** Makes me very very sad.
On top of this, my husband basically told me today that I am being too clingy, too demanding. That I am asking too much of him and all he wants is a minute to rest (today is his day off). I don't think that I was out of line when I called him. In fact, I didn't even really ask him to do anything, just whether or not he was going out and if so, could he pick something up. And when I said, "hey do you wanna call me back when you're more awake" he flipped, like I was making him pick up this stuff and call me and whatever. **sigh** I just wanted to know if he would feel better talking to me about stuff once he wasn't so foggy headed. Apparently, I meant he had to call me later.
I feel like I am losing my mind. Truly, I feel like no one wants to be near me. I can't figure out what I am doing wrong. I might not be the best friend/wife in the world but I love the people who are close to me. I am not sure what to say/do/feel. Maybe I take things too personally, maybe I don't see things until it's too late. I don't know. I am not sure anymore. I've lost my two best friends apparently, and now my husband is unhappy. F*ckin' fantastic. **sigh** Thanks for listening.
{{{{ Kristie }}}}
I don't think feelings are ever trivial, even though I know what you're saying. I struggled with posting on a different board today, thinking I should just suck it up and keep my concerns to myself. It's fine to post your feelings. That's what this board is for.
What do you think about sending your friends the top half of your post via e-mail and letting them know how you feel? Sometimes we feel taken for granted and sometimes we are. Those doing the taking often times have no idea that's what they're doing. I've been guilty of that myself.
As to your husband, if it's just a case of bad timing then it will pass. If it's more chronic then you and he should talk it through.
I hope the rest of your day turns brighter!
My pride doesn't want me to tell them any of this. Although I know that is what I should do.
Thanks for the hug. Needed it.
Hmm, have you asked your friends about this?
I know your pride is too big to confront this issue with them, understandably so!
BUT- they may be leaving you out deliberatly because THEY think you are too busy. They may feel like YOU are the one not wanting to hang out?? Possibility?
shewolfnm wrote:Hmm, have you asked your friends about this?
I know your pride is too big to confront this issue with them, understandably so!
BUT- they may be leaving you out deliberatly because THEY think you are too busy. They may feel like YOU are the one not wanting to hang out?? Possibility?
This is a possibility to some extent. I can see them doing things together more than they do things with me, simply because of proxmity. However, they tell each other things, share jokes and stories....they came down to see me a few weeks ago and we met at the mall to shop. Well, they were giggling and doing all that inside joke/story ****. Bothered me. I don't think they did it on purpose. I am just having a hard time being pushed out. It's cold out here....
:-(
I know the feeling. And it sucks.
But reality, they WILL have inside jokes , they live together.
They will do more together , they live together
BUT they may not realize it bothers you.
Speak up about it. I dont have any suggestions HOW.. but I know that if you dont speak up about it, things wont change and you will still be cold... way.. out ... there. :-(
I know. Maybe I am being overly sensitive about it because hubby was so mean to me. I am trying so hard to be less psycho during this time and he is being so hard on me.
Okay Bella, take it one step at a time. You're feeling sensitive about your friends and you've thrown your husband into the mix because of it. Don't. You have two seperate situations happening here and one probably has anything to do with the other.
The situation with your friends is an unfortunate turn of events that just happened. No ones fault. You admit that you had drifted from both A and R, weren't really as tight with either of them as you had been before but you hooked them up and now they're close. You feel left out and that's understandable but what do you want them to do about it? How can they make it right? Not be friends? Would you like A to move out? It's just one of those things that happens and you'll look like a fool if you bring it to either one of them. Be bigger than that. Even if you don't want to.
As far as your hubby goes, it sounds like he just got up on the wrong side of the bed. Have you been crying on his shoulder about your friends? Sounds like he may be tired of hearing about that too.
Sometimes we just have to suck it up and focus on other things. The situation with your friends is completely out of your control and there's nothing you can do about it except to move on.
Good luck to you.
Aw, Kristie. That sucks. Feeling that way, I mean. Down & out eh!
Still, you didnt really "lose your two best friends", of course ... they're still there. Just not as close as they usta be anymore. Sucks when that happens. Happens when you live further away and things, almost automatically. Habituality - the cornerstone of friendship!
More so, you didnt of course lose them "to each other", not from what you write about it anyway - hey, you were already drifting a little apart like you said. If anything, the two of them also knowing and liking you makes it more likely you'll keep in touch with both of 'em in the long run! If they'd each gone somewhere new where you didnt know anyone and where every new friend they'd make knew or felt nothing for you, it would be even more likely that you'd drop out of sight eventually, no being part of any of their network.
Yeah, just stuff. The stuff of life. Dont mean it dont suck tho. And you got a right to complain when you feel down. But then so do they. Like with your husband. He was just fed up for a mo! Like, argh, enough already, leave me alone for a bit. Sometimes you feel like that. You do too, I spose. But if you all get to just be how you feel and say it, then its OK in the end isnt it? Like, if he's fed up for a mo, he can tell you to leave him alone for a bit, and if you're fed up with him leaving you alone for a bit, you say so too and thats OK as well! Not like tit-for-tat or anything, just that everyone knows they got a right to sometimes be grumpy or needy or something. So long it isnt a pattern, or a way of life or anything ...
Take care girl!
thanks guys. I am slightly less agitated now but still all tied up.
I haven't mentioned the friend thing at all to him. I don't know what hubby's problem is.
I know they are still there but it still sucks.
>>sigh<<
Bella Dea wrote:I don't know what hubby's problem is.
Perhaps he just had one of those days where you just wanna be left alone? Like, not be asked anything, period, some peace and quiet, all that? Guy time, someone called it the other day on some thread, I think ... Course, if he'd been smart he'd just told you so straight away.
yeah, instead he yelled at me.
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