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What to do, how to get over someone?

 
 
Sam560
 
Reply Sat 26 May, 2018 03:56 pm
So for a while now I've been really down feeling since I met someone at college months ago.

I'm a girl and I found out she was bisexual (I am too)and I really developed feelings for her.

However, she and I don't really talk much, and she's fairy busy, but I still sit and listen to her when she talks and has a good time with friends, and I just absolutely love her. She is ridiculously good looking and a little bit of a tomboy with the cutest hairstyle, and I really like her, and love her style and I just love her personality. She's fun loving and I just love her to death.

But it doesn't look like I've got a chance, as she's already going out with other people and I really get upset if I see her with someone else, becsuse I feel like she's my sweetheart, and not anyone else's.

But I understand things doesn't work that way, and I just wanted to know what I should do, or how to get over her?

I'm unsure if I should confess to her and see if she is interested or not, or if I should just try and forget her? The latter seems harder because I really like her, and I feel there won't be anyone else like her out there. I care about her so much and don't want to let her go.

What should I do? I'm so lost.
 
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Sat 26 May, 2018 04:31 pm
@Sam560,
You need to cultivate other interests and spend time with other people. Even if those people aren't possible relationship material. That is, get out of the house and out of your routine. Have a fun and interesting life. Either that will pique her interest or not, but in the meantime, you're enjoying yourself. Concentrating only on her is only making it harder, and making it take longer, for you to move on.
apollofenix
 
  1  
Reply Sat 26 May, 2018 05:00 pm
@Sam560,
Hi! I've been in your position before and you have two choices right now. You tell her how you feel or you don't.

If you tell her how you feel, she may feel the same way or at least willing to give it a go. However she may not and may just want to remain as friends. In which case the following advice might be helpful.

If you decide not to tell her or she wants to remain friends, the only healthy way forward for you is working on letting go of your feelings and your attachment towards her. This is very tricky and no easy task at all. The first thing you need to do is actually WANT to let go. For me this took me a long time, but once I realised I would never be happy as long as I'm holding on I learnt to WANT to move on. The next step is time and distance. It's a slow process letting go of your feelings but it will happen. If you keep your distance from her it will happen naturally over time. Keep yourself distracted with your other friends, try not to be alone and always keep yourself busy. Find happiness in other things. Maybe sports or tv shows or studying?

I will warn you about telling her how you feel. It really depends on what type of person she is. For instance when I told the person in my situation how I felt she used this to her advantage. I did everything for her she asked in the hope it would win her affection. So in the end it took a lot longer to move on from her because she played me like a puppet. I'm sure the girl you like is very lovely though, but do be careful! Make sure you trust her because it can be dangerous letting people read your heart.
Sam560
 
  1  
Reply Sat 26 May, 2018 06:33 pm
@jespah,
Thanks man, your words really help Smile
Sam560
 
  1  
Reply Sat 26 May, 2018 06:41 pm
@apollofenix,
Thanks. I've been in love before and I learned to move on. And like you, it took me a long time. And it was probably the hardest thing I ever did, but I did realize the person I liked wasn't good for me and there was no use in chasing after someone who never liked me, and likely never would.

My current situation is difficult, because I get to feeling hopeless, like there's nobody out there for me. I broke up with a boyfriend a little while ago and now I'm crushing on someone again.

I just don't like the idea of having to let go again, because I remember last time how much grief was involved. But I'll try your advice and see how she feels.

I'll try to get over it in a healthy way as you suggested if things don't work out.

Thanks for your advice, it really helped ^^>
ehBeth
 
  4  
Reply Sat 26 May, 2018 07:12 pm
@Sam560,
Sam560 wrote:
I'm unsure if I should confess to her


have you gone out with her?

if not, you truly have nothing to confess other than you'd like to go out with her.

__

ask her out. you'll know soon enough if she's interested.

at the same time, ask other people out. you're in college, it's a time to date and get to know a variety of people. focusing on one person is a bit of a waste of time and energy at this point.

__

don't rush talking about your feelings, it does no one any real good. once you've been dating someone for a while - then you talk about feelings - not before you have an exclusive relationship
Sam560
 
  1  
Reply Sat 26 May, 2018 09:17 pm
@ehBeth,
Really? I never thought of it that way. But it sounds good.

I'll try it! Thank You!
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  1  
Reply Sun 27 May, 2018 08:06 am
@Sam560,
Thanks, although I'm a female type person. Very Happy
0 Replies
 
apollofenix
 
  1  
Reply Sun 27 May, 2018 08:55 am
@Sam560,
It seems like when you've previously had to move on from someone it has taken a toll on you. It's hard to go through and when you know what you are about to face its a lot easier to just avoid doing it. You are young! There are plenty of people out there for you. Ask people out on dates, go have fun, go clubbing and explore!

If moving on is the option you choose in the end though, be kind to yourslf and do it at your own pace!
Sam560
 
  1  
Reply Sun 27 May, 2018 02:55 pm
@apollofenix,
Yeah the last time I seriously had feelings for someone it was very hard. But I eventually realized they were just no good, and they seemed less attractive over time and I ended up disliking them. Then I started looking elsewhere.

This time I don't want to get depressed or anything, because it could affect my school/career.

And though I'm young, it's hard to find the time to be confident and meet people. I'm 23 now and haven't had a bf/gf in quite a while.

I'm just not a very confident person and it's hard to ask people out. But I'll try.
vikorr
 
  3  
Reply Sun 27 May, 2018 06:16 pm
@apollofenix,
Since when has telling anyone that you're in love with them worked? Have you ever seen it work with anyone who isn't already obviously interested (in which case it didn't really need to be said)?

The usual result when they aren't obviously also interested, is to drive a wedge between the two of you, and to throw suspicion on your motivations.

There are plenty of other ways to let a person know you are interested (which is a normal path for all prospective couples).
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sun 27 May, 2018 07:04 pm
@Sam560,
Sam560 wrote:
But I'll try.


start with something easy - coffee date, ice cream date, go to an art gallery, go to a sporting event - nothing too Big Friday Date to start off with

it'll be easier on both of you

good luck! I have faith that you can do this.
Sam560
 
  1  
Reply Mon 28 May, 2018 12:56 am
@ehBeth,
Thank you so much ehBeth for your faith in me! It really helps!

I'll give an update if things work out Smile
0 Replies
 
Agent1741
 
  0  
Reply Wed 30 May, 2018 03:01 pm
I really hope you are able to get over it. I have just broken up with someone presently I feel I will never date anyone again I am so tired of being messed around by others, but that's me!
stevefin35
 
  1  
Reply Wed 30 May, 2018 07:04 pm
@Sam560,
She will come back to you
0 Replies
 
Sam560
 
  1  
Reply Wed 30 May, 2018 09:02 pm
@Agent1741,
I'm sorry man. I don't know if you're a guy/girl but my experience is about the same. I had a boyfriend for a while and we were thinking of having kids, but then we decided to beak up, but stay in touch.

This is my first crush on another girl, and it's really painful when you feel a certain someone is your soulmate, but they don't even know you exist, or don't give you much thought.

I hope you find someone special that you belong with. Hugs, and good luck Smile
Agent1741
 
  1  
Reply Thu 31 May, 2018 01:44 pm
@Sam560,
Thanks for your best wishes.
0 Replies
 
 

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