Thanks cj.
Seed, I know if something happened to me, you'd all know because I have real life friends who are also a2kers. I worry about some others here whom I know who are in harms way or who are older or ill.
Despite feeling that I will just clutter things with another post here, I guess I need someone to listen. Last night and all of today have been really hard for me. I've just been sitting here thinking, basically unable to sleep, not sure what to do. Cav was such a great guy, with so many people who loved him, and I never thought that I could have a reaction like this for someone whom I met over the internet, but I guess he was just that special type of person who gave everyone a reason to become instantly fond of him. For fear of repeating what others have said already, I'll stop, but thanks for letting me have this place to share, and I hope that we can help each other get through this while honoring the memory of a wonderful man.
Sweetie, that's exactly what this thread is for!
We've lost other members - on abuzz before there was an a2k. The first time was rattling just because of what you wrote above. How is it we can love people we've never met? Cav's death is rattling, too, in it's own way, but I've been shown over and over that I can love online personalities so at least that doesn't surprise me anymore.....
i bought the toronto star today, and at first i couldn't find the obituary, for a brief moment i thought, well that's it, we got all wrong, but alas another glance and there it was
reading his posts, i wish i'd spent more time with him outside of the music forum
For Paul:
From my eyes I see
A man who rests in the foot of eternity
Give us harmony and balance
A destiny, a safe harbor
Honor is placed upon his name
Etching of his excellence he will reign
He walks with little fright for he knows
He is prefect in God sight
Where the road goes, and where the day flows
He fly's into the land where worries don't fright
He knows that God has him in his pure light
His beautiful smile to hide the pain that we might gain
His last strides into the clutches of the light
Taken from those who loved him dear
A man that touched so many in his short time here
In the Hearts and Souls of many he will never be forgotten
KM
Seed wrote:it worries me sometimes that something will happen to me and I will not be able to all of my online friends know. those who care would be left standing in the wind not know what happened and only thinking i just dropped them for something bigger and better... im glad cav has not had that feeling.
Seed, I know that feeling. Like many others here, I don't share my A2K life with anyone really. My fiance and both children know that I subscribe to a "message board" and that's about it. I just came back after being gone from here for about 2 or so months and no one even noticed. (except for our wonderful Letty)
I think some people, like Paul and so many of you others here, just have a wonderful way of touching peoples lives that others cannot help but sit up and take notice of their magic as humans. Paul truly did weave such a beautiful tapestry of that very magic and love with people here.
if i may,
and I do not deserve the opportunity
Cavfancier wrote:
[quote]HOARFROST
Fresh falling snow,
each flake unique.
Those lucky
to cling to branches
join the elite order
of hoarfrost,
laughing at their brethren
below, trampled, shoveled,
driven over,
broken down,
salted
(what are we, caviar?)
until each individual
is crushed
into an unreconizable
brown slush.
An unexpected warm day
proves the equalizer.[/quote]
To Cav
What is this?
One flake still flying still
soaring spiraling spinning
beyond the reach
of tree branch
or salted sidewalk
one
this
fancier flake
which lands upon my cheek
melts into a teardrop
unsalted
clear
and glistening
bright.
If you taste it
with your kiss
tis caviar and bliss
you take away,
the scent of the sea
and eternity
till all fades away.
till all fades away.
Joe(you'll never fade, Cav, you'll never fade away) Nation
I am very saddened to hear that Cav has passed away...
A little food
a little wine
With A little poem intertwined
A little laugh
a little wit
That's a little Cavfancier...that's it
One of my very first welcomers to this site. I miss you a lot.
*here's a glass of red wine and a small taste of caviar in your remembrance*
Bill...Thank you for thinking of me
Joe - lovely. You too onyx.....
Quote:To Cav
What is this?
One flake still flying still
soaring spiraling spinning
beyond the reach
of tree branch
or salted sidewalk
one
this
fancier flake
which lands upon my cheek
melts into a teardrop
unsalted
clear
and glistening
bright.
If you taste it
with your kiss
tis caviar and bliss
you take away,
the scent of the sea
and eternity
till all fades away.
till all fades away.
Joe(you'll never fade, Cav, you'll never fade away) Nation
Oh, Joe....that is a most fitting tribute and you said exactly how I have been feeling....
I hope you have another box of kleenex for me. My first is almost gone.
Thanks.
I need to sleep
and
dream.
joe( )nation
These are only a few of the many Poems by Cav; he created them in edgarblythes Spontaneous Poems thread:
cavfancier wrote:ODE TO A2K
I flit about from forum to forum,
lengthy debates fill me with boredom,
but my thirst for knowledge is easily fed
by a friendly and fascinating A2K thread.
cavfancier wrote:A toss-off written for publication on the theme 'write as if you were five years old, describing your emotions and experiences of the world around you'. I'll let you know if it gets chosen, lol.
Five
I gaze at my reflection in the mirror,
touch my cheeks, so soft, so rosy,
my smile a charm,
my skin like silk,
the embrace of a mother
still strangely cozy.
"Mommy, look! It's me! I'm very handsome, I think!"
The words trip
clumsily from my lips.
Language so awkward,
devoid of finesse
and the visceral, internal logic
of my thoughts.
Thought and experience,
my private double helix
learning curve.
The crocuses yawn open in the snow,
brightly lit in royal swaths of purple,
proudly poking their heads out
from beneath their cold wet blankets.
I touch the petals,
tender and dewey like my frosty face.
I ponder the meaning of Kindergarten,
garden of children,
and decide to adopt the flowers.
"Mommy, look! Aren't they pretty?"
I gather a few brave souls for the vase.
I have an invitation
for cake and ice cream.
The tender, airy sponge explodes
on my tongue,
tempered by buttercream so smooth,
made sublime by crystalline, vanilla-scented orbs
of pure beauty.
I am reminded of the perfect crocuses,
proud in their melting wasteland.
I call upon my powers of speech
but can only muster up a satisfied
"Mmmm....good."
cavfancier wrote:
Barefoot,
in soft panther steps,
she approaches the precipice,
extending like a howl
over an ancient ocean bed.
"Nowhere to drown anymore,
just an endless dry sea
of rocky crags,
and the ghosts of those
who came before me."
The sun, behind her,
casts its gaze upon
the skeletons below,
turning bleached bones
into radiant shades
of gold-tinted white.
She turns around
to face the light,
and lets her demons fall
softly below,
like a feather blown from
an angel's wing.
cavfancier wrote:Guitar in hand, I jam.
In free-form musical verse
my memories live and become whole.
I remember
jamming with junkies and drinkers,
deep thinkers all,
raggedly aloof,
kings of strings and sundry things.
I jam to an ocean breeze
and a calypso beat.
I take a seat
beside a leathery bluesman,
and shout out his pain
in pentatonic glory.
As the music plays,
the dance begins,
and I remember.
I dance between the flurrying fists
of schoolyard bullies,
with a smile on my face
and diplomacy on my mind.
I dance to the rythym
of a man crying for loss of love,
and coax an awkward waltz
from his tortured soul.
I dance to make allies
out of enemies.
I dance around a world in limbo.
I dance so that I never forget
the nature of the heart,
the drum-taps of life,
all the while
holding my guitar,
strumming out the stories.
Sound and fury,
beauty and pain.
I stand upon a mountaintop and play,
and all of it comes back to me
in echoes.
cavfancier wrote:In tense live we,
past or pre,
without sense,
Whee!
Abide thee
the ride.
cavfancier wrote:
My wife, of the cropped hair, barely there,
But radiant in red-dyed, fluffy locks,
To frame your flaming eyes in perfect symmetry.
My wife, keeper of the eternal burning fire
That keeps desire strong and stretches patience
To its limits. I bleed, you plead that you are not
Strong enough indeed, but then there is the ace
Beneath your sleeve, that makes me believe,
Not just in us, but I. The spirit wakes,
The heavens quake with a great
Thunder. Shaken, I ponder love,
And understand it does not come
From above, but from within,
And being sincere from ear to ear,
I grin, and think of you, strange dove.
I just found out, and I am so sad! My sympathy to Cav's family and friends ... he is surely in good hands and free from pain.
Of all realities, the death of our loved ones and eventually ourselves is the most certain. It is healthy and wise to put all our fear and dread right out on the table where we can look at it in the light of our beliefs, our experience, and our best thinking.
Thank you littlek for this thread.
We don't know how to thank you
I was at the parents of Cav and Mezzzie tonight, and Mezzzie told me about the Wake thread. We sat there and read about 10 pages, crying and smiling, together. I found out that Cav had posted things that I knew nothing about, including some of the free-form poems, and that he had posted his grandfather's memoirs after my failed attempt to get them published...Yes the a2k/abuzz world was Cav's own world for himself. And I respected that, just as he respected me having my Lord of the Rings world.
It's fine, Lady J, to have your own separate online place, just as your fiance might have theirs. Cav was able to help and talk to so many people here. I am so proud of him for being able to do so. But I know, if the situation were reversed, and Cav was sitting in front of a computer, he would have hacked my e-mail, or called one of my online friends, and made sure that my board friends knew that something had happened to me.
It's kinda like having your own separate group of friends, but when you are together, you are together. We talked about some of the things that Cav discussed on here, like the music for funerals line (by the way, our copy of Metal Machine Music was lost when our hard drive died, so unfortunately, we can't play that tomorrow -- yes Mrs. Cav inherited some of the Cav sense of humour), but not in an in-depth way, and whenever he was online and I came into the room, I never tried to read over his shoulder unless he gave me permission first. I would usually leave, or sit far back on the other side of the room. And Cav would do the same for me, though I would tease him and say "hey, stop reading over my shoulder".
I have just written a short Eulegy for our Cav. I know that ehBeth wants to read his poem, and we would love her to do that at the Shiva tomorrow night. ehBeth and BoGoWo, we hope you can both come by for Shiva, and break bread with the Parents Cavfancier.
Thank you all so very much for doing this for our Cav. Mezzzie and I cannot tell you how much it means to us.
**hugs round the world**
And hugs to all of you. Thanks for coming back to us, Buttercup.
Ah, Mezzie is here. Hugs to you too, Mezzie.
We'll all be there in spirit for Shiva and for the funeral. We'd love to see your eulogy when you feel ready to share it, Buttercup -- I'm sure it's beautiful.
Mezzie is Cav's brother, Gus.
