Tue 17 Apr, 2018 03:56 pm
22M here. Was dating a girl for about 5 months, first GF. Things are great. We’re BOTH talking about how happy we are, we’re BOTH talking about stuff to do this spring and summer.
This past weekend I stayed there Thursday and Friday night and was gonna go with her up to her parents house for Easter Saturday night. Saturday midday I leave thinking I’m gonna see her in a few hours when she’s done working. About 30 min after I leave I get a text with a very thin excuse as to why I should maybe “take a rain check” on going to Easter. I immediately get a pit on my stomach and think somethings not right, but I hold onto hope that maybe I’m just over thinking it.
So Saturday night and Sunday morning I say I love you and she doesn’t say it back. At this point I’m driving myself crazy, so I just ask, “Are we still good?” No reply for like 3 hours, I send another, “Hello?” Then I get the reply, “No I don’t think so, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately and idk what I want in life, I don’t think we’re gonna work out, I’m sorry”. I’m completely blindsided by this. I’m sitting here falling more and more for her and then this happens. I text asking to “Call me please, I don’t get what’s happening” I never get a reply and she removes me from Snapchat and Facebook by the next morning still with no contact.
I spend the rest of Sunday numb in front of the TV. Yesterday at work was possibly the worst day of work ever. Couldn’t just sit at my desk, had to keep getting up and just walking around the office. So after 2 days of feeling the worst I’ve ever felt, I decide to just send what I’m feeling to her just to get it off my chest, not really expecting a reply. She does reply with something like “I’m sorry, I’m just really confused and don’t know what I want in life, and I realized we actually don’t have anything in common. Its not fair to you if I’m not in 100% and I cant” I ask if she thinks she’ll get past this confusion, if she thinks we’ll ever work? She says, “I’m sorry, I don’t think so”. I say “well I can’t make you want to be with me, I’ll always remember our time together and I hope you find what you’re looking for.” She says, “thank you, don’t think this was an easy decision for me, I just need to do this for myself”. I end with well have a great life.
I do feel a lot better having gotten those closure texts from her versus being left in the dark, but its kinda like being punched in gut 4 times instead of 5. I’m just struggling to sleep or concentrate at all at work. Any plans I had or things I was looking forward to were with her. The smart, logical part of brain knows I need to work on getting over her and moving on, but that dumb, emotional part of my brain in the back of my head keeps saying, “Maybe she’ll change her mind, maybe she’ll get over this confusion she’s having, maybe, maybe, maybe….”
I’ve talked to some people on other sites and I’ve gotten some mixed opinions. First of all, this was hers and my first relationship, so there’s no ex resurfacing. I know she’s almost done with college and interning so has to find a “real” job now…I know she has a lot of tests to take to finalize college. I know she doesn’t know if she wants to stay in the area she’s in for college or go back to her hometown, which is only an hour away. So I feel like with all those things she had no control over, breaking up with me was something she could control. I had already met her parents before so it wasn’t the stress of that on Easter.
I feel maybe my intensity just overwhelmed her and I just need to back off for a bit and maybe she’ll change her mind. Things she did in the past week tell me that she’s conflicted. On Wednesday she said, “I’m so damn happy!” and invited me to her Uncle’s wedding. Friday night she leaned over and initiated the kiss goodnight. Saturday we laid in bed all day cuddling. She was the first one to say "I love you" about a month ago.
I'm 16 days No Contact and its honestly the hardest things I've ever had to do.
@BradSchnad,
Give yourself permission to feel lousy. It's okay - this is a big change and it has ripples which affect your immediate and more distant future. So go ahead and feel sad for a while. It's totally normal. I know it's not fun. But you kind of have to feel these feelings.
Right now, do something positive for you. Not for her. Not for anyone else.
Just you. Want to get in shape? Then do it for you. Want to take a class? Get a tattoo? Adopt a kitten? Volunteer at a homeless shelter? Take up painting? Learn geocaching?
Whatever that "me time" project is, do it.
This is a part of what having a good life is all about, to nurture your inner self. So have that good life. Maybe it'll be such a good life she'll be fascinated and wonder what she's missing. Or maybe it'll be such a good life that some other woman is fascinated and wonders what it would be like to be with you.
It will also make this time just a little bit easier, to have something going on which isn't lamenting your lost relationship. Every day, it'll take your mind off it just a tiny bit more.
Eventually, you'll get some perspective. And you might see issues which right now are invisible. Or maybe you'll go back to trying to win her back with renewed zeal. None of us can predict the future. But some time has to pass.
In the meantime, treat yourself well.
Thurs and Fri you spent the nite and she ends it abruptly Sat afternoon?
Sounds strange. Especially how you say she was days before that.
Had you ever seen this kind if flighty behavior before? Maybe this was in front of you all this time but you just didn’t see it. Blind to her real personality.
Sorry for the heartache. I know it hurts especially when you didn’t get closure - but a vague sendoff, instead.
Be good to yourself.
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