in to something that's not really good for me.

If you're young enough to recover from it, go ahead and ride it out to its conclusion. It's likely to be emotionally expensive in the end, but sometimes you have to do it that way to really understand it.

you think so? I mean i want to, I just don't wanna get involved in this world and not be able to pull myself out of it (lets just say drugs, drug dealers, bar owners, club owners, the underbelly of society in general). I mean he knows he's shady but he wouldn't be half as appealing if he wasn't.

Have you ever noticed in the checkout line at the supermarket the racks of impulse items--candy, magazines, little gadgets--all saying, "We're delightful. We're inexpensive. "Buy us."

These items are frequently shoplifted by children and teenagers and adults who should know better. Supermarket management may be a little lenient with children, but not with teenagers or with adults.

In the Garden of Eden, Adam told Jehovah, "The woman tempted me and I did fall."

Neither the supermarket nor the law courts nor Jehovah accept temptation as a reason for giving into temptation.

You already know this. Apply it.

Is this coke guy? The one you talked about being yucky but all the girls were in competition for his attentions?

I think your concern about being able to pull yourself out of it is valid -- but I also suspect that the more we tell you no no no the more attractive yucky coke guy (or his equivalent) will be. ;-)

Well, I would look at it this way.

Do I want to get involved in a relationship that is a ton of fun but could ruin the rest of my life?

or

Do I pass on this one and look for a relationship that is a ton of fun and actually helps my life move in a positive direction?

Pretty clear solution if you ask me. I think people believe that relationships either have to be wholesome and boring or exciting and damaging. It doesn't have to be this way. You can have an exciting relationship that doesn't lead you down a path of self-destruction that you know you shouldn't take. Hope you make the right choice.

Ahhh, I second the reply above

If it feels wrong in any way, I'd reckon that it is wrong for you. Relationships can and -should- be positive influences in your life.

If you want to have fun and live dangerously, treat him as a friend and DON'T get tied up with him romantically (if that's possible). Don't try to love a destructive force, it can only burn you later. It could easily be something you always regret... I'd say that I spoke from experience here

The Demi Monde has always had a horrid fascination for the young and unsophisticated who have ambitions to be older and worldly wise.

One person's Glamor is another persons Sordid.

If you lie down with dogs, you get up with fleas.

Quick thought...

This guy sounds like a real peach.

Soo... if he is that tempting

1. make sure your standing on solid ground
2. look for strong branches to grab if you fall
3. feel around then pick him
4. check him quickly for any worms or other parasites
5. sniff around him alittle bit
6. if you haven't found out by now he's rotten then take a little bite. A Very little bite. (Carefull though he could be covered in pesticides that you cannot see)
7. if he tastes funny SQUISH HIM IMMEDIATLY!

Remember that in the orchard of life your are the farmer. There are many tempting fruits and once picked it only takes one rotten peach to spoil all the others.

Hope this helps! all this deep thinking makes me hungry... I think I will go to the store and purchase a pre-inspected FDA approved peach!

Re: in to something that's not really good for me.
I can't help but think you've answered your own questions here, in your descriptions of this guy. I too have dated men who were "bad", but I was just lucky in that I was never arrested, beaten, raped, shot, or cut up & put in a dumpster. We take enough risks just having a sexual relationship; why add to it?

I too thought a nice guy was a boring guy 25 years ago. I was dead wrong.

The question is, why are you attracted to someone that is bad for you?

Was there someone in your family that was the same way?

Do you link sex and danger?

We are attracted to those that we are comfortable with. Look at Whitney Houston, hooked up with that low life guy.

If she had a good role model, why would she be attracted to someone who will only cause her pain? unless she is used to that pain, and unconsciousious finds those who will cause her pain.

Flirting With DANGER
"I mean he knows he's shady but he wouldn't be half as appealing if he wasn't. "


We are often attracted to what we are NOT. We get tired of living with ourselves all the time and for a minute, it LOOKS great, but in reality We need someone who compliments us. BAD BOYS/GIRLS are just that...BAD

thanks guys my PC was in for repairs.... all your replies have been well what i know the truth (I should remove my self fats from this one)

Oh and soz your memory and insight is too good man too good yeah its the coke guy..

Well i think i learned a little too much about him the other night, friday he got so wasted at his own bar (the one he owns) he hit me once on the ass (so ahrd I stumbled) then about 3 times in the head. I woke up with a head ache which lasted the whole day. Anyway he passed out in the passage way to his own bar and selpt somewhere in the building.

I'm suprised at how much this shook me up, I'm a little scared of him now even though he apoligised and acknowledged he's out of control

I wanna help him but i believe I'm too attracted to him to really see the wood for the trees here?

Should I help him or just let him go his own suppressed emotional course?

HELP HIM? Cripes, I'd have had him arrested!

Please run from this creep, as fast as possible! You will never (trust me on this) be able to help him, no matter what you do.

That is perhaps the dumbest question I have ever heard. Did you like getting smacked in the head? If yes, go ahead and try to "help him". Contrary to popular opinion; some strains of idiocy are contagious you know? Guess which kind this loser suffers from?

Just so you; I'm not some uppity bible thumper or goody two shoes. I don't even necessarily judge people for their drug use (I've tried most of them)(well, before all the designers that is). However, habitual cokers are, and have always been, losers. And, abusive types should be avoided at all costs, in every circumstance. The combination coker/abuser sounds like a waste of oxygen who's only positive attribute is a usually short shelf life.

Go find mirror and see if you like what you see. If you do; then you already know it's past time to leave this loser behind. If you don't; grab a pen and paper and figure out what it's going to take to get you to a place where you do. Plan your work and work your plan. You never aspired to become some cokehead's easy pump, so wake and write it off as a learning experience before you become the used up trash that isn't even worthy of being the cokehead's easy pump. Choose. Choose wisely.
Good Luck to you.

jesus well that was blunt but very honest so respect that, the thing is he's been on this downward spiral and blah blah i sound like the kinda girls i hate here makign up excuses for there BF's abuse.

But truth is I've known him for 5 years, only befriended him in the last 8 months on seriuos level and can tell you know it's gotten way worse then it was. I hate seeing a great mind and potential go to waste.

Intentionally so. I'm glad you took it as intended.

Yes you do sound like that... but at the same time you sound like you might have the wherewithal to recognize it and get the hell out of it before it's too late. It really is as simple as making the decision you know. Quitting things is easy and staying quit is tedious as hell, but not really hard.

We all do. I fell in love with a druggy loser once who had all the potential in the world. Potential and about three and a half bucks will get you a cup off coffee at Starbucks. You can't fix him... and trying would be a lame, half-assed excuse for not fixing you. Get mad and get strong, right now, and never look back!

eish (sorry south african slang for like "oh my god" kinda).

It's so hard I think I know the answer to my question i am in too deep and i do feel to much for him. He's a toxic person and I'm a sucker for it, retarded.

I think it's foolhardy to try change any one I know this but I don't wanna not have had the courage to tell him to his face what i think, cos I know he respects directness. I just want a parting shot.

Excuses. Showing the strength to be gone is the very best parting shot there is. You need to worry about you. He who leads best leads by example. The day this guy's cured, he'll be someone else entirely anyway. You know that. Stop making excuses for foolish behavior.

it's just my humanity getting the better of me...

I know you right, you got realise it's only been two day since i realised this though so I need time to digest it all. It been 48hrs since i realised how somebody who i thought was so rad, I eman he managed his life I thought with complete effecincey making money while being a complete hedonist. his bar's a deli during the day. i respected this, thought wow, he may do what he does but he's still running a money making bussiness. now I see the cracks in his farcade. it's neevr cool to see those.