Lady Lost in a Tomboy

I love happy endings.

I am glad that you straightened that out. I still think though, that even if your husband meant well, he did not go about it the right way. If his family is "show-offish", IMO, playing "I can do anything better than you" is NOT helpful. Being dressed to the teeth does NOT equate with being as good as them.

OK, he tried. I had a relative who was like your family. She only was impressed if something was "bee-you-ti-ful". Between you and me, the reason that she did that was because if you took away her gorgeous clothes and jewelry, you were left with a pretty inane, vacuous person.

Just be yourself, and don't allow yourself to get caught up in their superficialities!

It's great that you talked to him, DBritches. Sounds like a discussion after the visit with the inlaws might have prevented this shopping trip.

Sounds like you've got yourself a really great guy. He's not a mind-reader, neither are you, so keep talking to him about stuff like the visit with the relatives.

And it might not hurt to go shopping together - a sort of date afternoon/evening. Shopping for both of you - drinks - dinner - a movie - some fun and some talking.

Wow, that was thoughtful of him. :-)

Agree that you've got a real sweetie, Devious. So cute!!!!

He might have though that he was bringing you a present, and never realized that you would not like it.

You must examine his motive. If he was giving you a gift, then you should at least appreciate his motive, even if you do not like the gift.

I like the idea of going together and picking out something that you like. Sexy can be simple, pretty in pink. Ask him what he thinks is sexy.
If you like sex, and want more, then I would at least move in his direction some.

My ideal woman is a tomboy, that enjoys camping, sports, can pick up a box and carry it into the house, and can still be beautiful and feminie.

THIS MAY NOT APPLY TO YOU, BUT,
I wish that wives would realize that a wrinkled teeshirt and jeans is not sexy or attractive. Too many wives/and husbands, get fat and lazy and fall into a rut. If they were still dating, they would never allow themselves to go to pot.

In fact, as soon as they break up, they start spending tons of effort on their looks, exercising, dieting, new stylish clothes. They are saying loudly, that my spouse is not important enough to look good for, but a new boyfriend is.

A beautiful wife is just a treasure. When you are beautiful, you are giving us a gift.

Aww how cute.

Re: Lady Lost in a Tomboy


if you don't mind hearing from a husband with a similar situation. First, you obviously need to have a serious conversation with your Mr.. Second, people change. It's really difficult when they do but it's better to deal with it in the open than let it stay in the "resented gift" stage.

In the beginning (1977) I was very comfortable with my wife being non feminine because of an inappropriately close mother. After much work, I was able to shed most of mom's influence and came to realize that I really liked seeing women in traditional feminine accoutrements. So naturally, I asked the one I care about if she could change a little bit and add dressing feminine to her repertoire.

Given that she is someone who does not believe in change, it has not gone well and she has been very disturbed by my getting more healthy (treating depression & abuse). I have tried to be kind but being a clueless male gets in the way at times.

like your case, this too sucks but we are talking and working it out. not as fast as I would like and too fast for her :-) so talk, talk, talk. don't be afraid of change and you don't need to go all his way. there is a middle ground where you both can be happy and learn to feel safe (I like to think :-).

best wishes.

I am having the same kind of problem with my husband. I was a huge tom boy all my life and through most of high school. All my friends are guys and I only wear a dress if I was going out somewhere nice. My husbad is my best friend and we were high school sweethearts. Once my tom boy phase started to die a little bit and I wanted to explore other areas of my life things started going wrong. I started to like the feel of the attention I got being a girl and I wanted to be treated like a girl. Of course that upset my husband because he liked me as a tom boy. He refused to treat me like a girl because he said I was one of the guys, but any time he wanted to be with the guys he would tell me that Im not one of the guys, I am his wife and a girl. It turned out to be a no win situation. Thats why I feel I am stuck in this median phase where Im not a girl and Im not a tom boy..I am really not anything at all.

Phoenix,

Funny, Mom said something like that to me years ago. I had to do it on my own.

Girlyness has to do with more than clothes and may or may not be linked at all with sexuality, meaning both are true sometimes, I guess.

I have this osso theory after a lifetime of watching friends and myself. Girls often take after their mothers as role models, even if they distance themselves philosophically and in other ways some time later.

Thus my friends who use their hands gracefully tend to have mothers who did that or early school friends who they admired who did that. Their voice patterns, slow and throaty or quick and precise, often intonate Mom. Those of us who had sort of straightlaced modest mothers might have had to learn to have more expressive selves, if we ever wanted to go there and do that. And so on.

Someone earlier, Boomer, I think, talked of her hard day as a girly child dressed by her girly sister and her fashionplate sister. Perchance their mother was the same person, so my theory doesn't pan out all the time.

Makeup? I stopped with the eye bit, except for eyebrow enhancement once in a while, long long ago. Lipstick or lipgloss - sometimes, fairly random. Liquid gloppo, not much. Hey, my face is all right. Usually.

Whatever, we have our own levels of comfort which - sometimes we need to get to on our own - or we started out with and are rested in.

Think of me then as a crazed mix of Jil Sanders or Armani clothes appreciation, that is a combo of tailoring and style that is fairly mainstream cleanlined with, get ready, a wild attraction for sequins and ruffles and silky and tattered and clashing materials that still work together in my own view..

but I've always looked like hell in ruffles. Reminds me of the time I coveted this ruffley thing in Bullocks Department Store. It was expensive to me. I finally went in and tried it on. Wrong.

I handle this strange flash neediness by shopping at thrifts, generally picking out tailoredbutstylish (yes, I've bought Armani at a thrift store) and then going bonkers on earrings and the odd velvet thingy.

Jeans, a shirt, clogs, earrings, my mode.

I'm not always in dresses and skirts, usually I dress for what I'm doing and for comfort. However, once in a while I love to get dolled up. It makes Sam appreciate me more. I don't use much make up, usually just lipstick, eyeliner if it's a special or I know that I'm going to see someone that I can flirt with.

Osso, I agree that clothing has no gender, many women wear slacks, jeans and even pant suits. Some men that I've seen in kilts look great , others don't. It' depends on the individual.

I remember seeing few women wearing pants suits as a child. Lauren Bacall, Kate Hepburn and a few movie stars wore them, but very few. That was back when there were school dress codes regarding length of hair,"appropriate attire", length of skirts and the like. I'm glad those days are over for today's generation.

He married the tomboy, not the "lady". Simple as that.

Um, Sam is a "she," Bella.
(It can be confusing! )

I'm confused.... who is Sam?

you dont have to weir heels and a ton of make up every day to be feminin. for make up you can just dust on alittle pressed powder sweep a suddle shadow over your lids and follw with alittle mascara. I know i would want to be stuck in a dress all day. just acsesorize casual clothing. theres amilion ways to dress up nice fitting jeans and a t-shirt. dont compleitly change your self.

This is from one who is at 19 and too tomboyed to care about what other boys think about me - and hey: I think its great! We all have a million priorities and the fact that they don't care about me means that I have time to focus on my studies and on world politics - as for the parents and married couples on A2K - well, your children and work!

Be cool with who you are. I like Phonix's attitude!!

What's confusing? I'm Billie, she's Sam. I always thought it was simple, except for a neighbor that almost always gets our names mixed. Besides, I'm a petite 6'2" and Sam, whom I look up to, is really 5'4". There, I hope that clarifies things.