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Cheating ex Husband wants to get back together

 
 
LTTA
 
Reply Sat 24 Mar, 2018 05:12 pm
In 2015 I found out my then husband had cheated on me with a 40 year old stripper. He was 36 at the time and I was 24. He claims that I was never there for him and didnt show him enough love. Mind you I had just gotten hired at a bank to work and help out with the family bills. He claims I didn't have time for him when I always did, because before that job I had been a house wife for 5 years already. I gave him trust and I would let him go out with his guy friends to the bar and have fun since our relationship started, but for some reason he never trusted me and always claimed I was doing something behind his back even when I never went out on my own. So I found out he cheated he denied it and claimed he never slept with her and it was just a friend. He had made me quit my job saying the girls needed me, but it was only so he could have more time to go out w her while I was at home with my daughters. Long story short I divorced him a year later. We still lived together just because I had to get a job to get financially stable to move out. Since the incident he claimed he didn't want to lose me and the family and that he accepts his mistake and that he's a changed man. It's been 3 years since the incident and I always pushed him to leave me alone and the only reason I lived there was to keep my daughters in a home. 2 weeks ago I moved out of the house and now he claims he wants to work it out for reals this time. A week into me moving out he told me that he was moving on and he said that's what I wanted. All I wanted him to do is pay attention to our girls it's not about me. He makes excuses about getting the girls and he says I can't just drop them off to him whenever I want. I mean they are his daughters. He tells me that I chose to leave and have them so I have to figure it out. Almost 2 weeks into me moving out he is still trying to get back w me begging to come home, he moved everything of mines that was in the room, to my girls toy room. There is nothing of mines visable at the house anymore, he then calls me to go get everything out of the house. So I did. Yesterday he told me to come over and talk and so we did and he tells me he wants me and doesn't want to lose me. He hasnt been staying at his house at night. He has been out and doesn't come back til the morning. He claims he's staying at a guy friends house, which I know it's not true. I have never been the type to check his phone or be sneaking behind his back. This morning I asked him if you really want to be w me and claim you are not seeing anyone else or sleeping w them, let me see your phone. He told me no I couldn't see his phone. So I know he is talking to other woman and maybe even sleeping w them. He tells me he will stop everything if I get back w him. This isn't his 1st rodeo I'm not his 1st wife and all his other previews relationships where ruin by him cheating. I just feel once a cheater is always a cheater and he will never change. He will be 40 this year and is still doing this. Like I said it's only been 2 weeks I moved out and he is already talking to other woman and telling me he is moving on. I had thought about us maybe making it work out for my daughters but now after he basically admitted that he is talking to other woman and didn't want to show me the phone I am seriously rethinking and not get back with him. He is manipulative and really jealous, he claims he loves our daughters but every time he tries to call or message it's always about me and if I have someone else. So I really don't know I just need for someone else outside the relationship and not family to give me their opinion.
 
jespah
 
  4  
Reply Sat 24 Mar, 2018 06:33 pm
@LTTA,
Even if he wasn't cheating, he sounds exceptionally immature. He blamed you for his cheating? Sheesh. He's a big boy. That means he needs to take responsibility for whatever he does.

I assume you had a divorce lawyer? If so, see if you can pay for an hour or two to get some help with drafting a custody agreement and a trip to court to get it signed by a judge. Get all of the custody and visitation stuff in writing and signed by the court so that it has to be followed. If you follow it, then no matter what he bitches about, you're following the order. And if he wants it changed, then he gets to go to court and see if it can be changed. But that takes it out of the equation and you won't have to "figure it out" because it will have already been figured out.

You've got a new place. Stay there, at least for now.

This guy sounds like he's used to getting his way, and getting it quickly. So give it some time living apart. As in six months to a year. And then see what happens. Has he moved on? Have you? Has he changed his ways?

You're divorced. You can date and talk to whoever you want to, and so can he. But if he is giving you a line about wanting to make things work out, then he has got to show you rather than tell you that.

His actions will speak louder than his words, as they should.
LTTA
 
  0  
Reply Sat 24 Mar, 2018 09:14 pm
@jespah,
I agree with you. He is so use to getting his way that now that he sees it's been 2 weeks and I'm out, he's thinking about it. But I already know he will never change, he says I will show you with actions that I want you, but the only actions I see him doing is not wanting me and instead he is trying to hurt me by being with other woman right now mean while he's reaching out to me that he wants to be with me. That's what I'm talking about. I feel he's trying to get back at me for leaving and make me jealous , when in reality I never did anything wrong. He is the one that cheated and still blames me for everything that is happening, he feels that we could of just stayed together and none of this would of happened. So his actions are speaking louder than words to me right now. He's even told me he's moving on and that he will show me for me to see with my eyes and that by then it will be too late for me to want him. I was willing to maybe make it work before all this for my daughters so they wouldn't suffer but now I just can't see myself living miserably to make my girls happy, is that me being selfish. At the end of the day my girls will be unhappy seeing that I'm suffering and I don't want that.
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Sun 25 Mar, 2018 01:06 am
This man is no good: cheater, liar, blamer, uses his children to get his way.

Why do you want to be with him?

Why do you want your children to see all this dysfunction?

LTTA
 
  1  
Reply Sun 25 Mar, 2018 06:02 am
@PUNKEY,
I don't want that life. That's why I wanted people's opinion outside of family and friends, I think the same way.
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Sun 25 Mar, 2018 08:26 am
@LTTA,
He can't make you feel jealous. All he can do is lay out the bait and hope you'll take it.

So don't.

Immerse yourself in your new life. Enjoy your children, work at your job, decorate your new place, you know, all of the things you need/want to do.

Have a life outside of him apart from compassionately coparenting your children. You're not married anymore, and there are far better fish in the sea. You don't have to go back to him, and your children aren't necessarily suffering in any manner by your being divorced - they have noticed your unhappiness even if they can't quite express it.

Good divorces are better than bad marriages for not only the spouses/ex-spouses, but also for the kids.
0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  2  
Reply Sun 25 Mar, 2018 09:41 am
@LTTA,
LTTA wrote:

I don't want that life. That's why I wanted people's opinion outside of family and friends, I think the same way.


If you don’t want that life, than that’s it.

Strangers opinions don’t matter because we don’t live your life. You do.
0 Replies
 
 

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