You could be ace, you know.
Or maybe you haven't met a man or woman who interests you.
Or maybe you're bi or ....
Does a label absolutely, positively matter?
Let's say you are a lesbian. Okay, fine. You seem to be of the opinion that this means you need to dress a certain way. That's not how it works. That's not how any of this works.
But let's start with the basics.
You have randomly hooked up with some guys and had sex with them ... and then you wonder why you don't feel anything? Why would you feel something for someone you don't know at all? Magical penises do not suddenly make you feel things if there is nothing else there. I'm not saying you can't have fun and, yes, people of all genders and sexualities can have sex with no commitment and even have a rollicking good time doing so.
But you're apparently not one of those people.
Here's an idea.
Spend time with people of all stripes. Male, female. Gay, straight, bi, trans, ace. White, black. Old, young. Single, married, committed relationship, etc.
That is, have a social life. It doesn't have to be parties and alcohol. A social life can be getting together with friends to play table top games or go to the movies or hiking or whatever floats your social circle's particular boat. And you can (and should, I might add) hang with more than one kind of social circle. One group might be into reading, another into running. Both are perfectly valid groups and membership in one doesn't cancel the other one out. These are not mutually exclusive interests.
And ... get to know people. Not just as potential sex partners, but as friends as well. Give this a few months - 3 at the absolute minimum, I'd say, and at least 3 - 5 get-togethers at minimum. Getting to know a person is not an overnight thing.
Then, when you find someone you like, regardless of gender or what you or they are wearing or anything like that, ask them to go for a coffee or a soda. Something light, nonalcoholic, preferably during the day. Be the one who pays (the person who does the inviting does the paying
). One on one, and talk and laugh and hang out together. This is not Netflix and chill. This is Starbucks and talking about rug hooking or thrash metal or philosophy or art or whatever it is you want to talk about.
When that coffee or soda is done, if you enjoyed yourself, say so. And ask, "Can we make next time a real date?"
And see what happens. Maybe they say, "Sure!" Or maybe they say, "Sorry, I'm seeing someone." Or, "Sorry, this is not my sexuality." Or, "Sorry, I don't feel that way about you." Let them off the hook for any or all of those potential rejections, because they do happen. But this is someone who you have gotten to know and they are your friend. That means the last thing they want to do is hurt you.
If you succeed with asking this person out, awesome. If you don't succeed, then stay friends and jump right on back into the socializing pool. Also, there is nothing wrong with asking someone you struck out with if they know someone.
It's 2018, not 1958. You can ask out anyone you want to, so don't sit and wait for it to happen. Make it happen! But make it happen the right way and you'll feel better about all of it. Plus you'll become empowered along the way, which is awesome and sexy and it will thrill whoever you find yourself with, regardless of the look of their wedding tackle.