Relationships where one person is WAY more attractive.

the flirtation factor


Flirting! My honey (of several years) flirts with me constantly! I love it. I eat it up. I flirt back. We are laughter and smiles all the time. He makes me blush like a teenager.

I think both of you guys have insecurity problems, or self estemm ones, whatever you want to call them. But let's face it, we all have them. That's why we're all neurotics. It's not a disease to constantly question yourself about who you are. Now, if you're insecure about a possible cheating landscape from her, then I have an answer for you: please her in every way possible. Satisfy her sexually and she'd never think about cheating. Then you can be very proud of being able to share your life with your hottie and she will be happy about having a sensitive and caring partner.

rodbogey--

Fact of Life: One person in a relationship cannot control the actions of the other person in the relationship.

Good women and good men have both had their trust abused by unfaithful partners.

You can only control your own actions, not your partner's.

I'm with you on that one. But I think that you can alwaysdo something to charm your partner so she/he can think twice before cheating. To have great sex is the best way I know to avoid cheating.

Doesn't bother me when a girl I'm with draws a lot of attention from guys...it's flattering.

Guys look a lot. You're not going to get the exact same attention from women.

Good point. But women have a discreet way of looking without looking. Guys would never know it .... now if only us males could pick up on this talent, we'd all seem like much more decent people without the staring, whistling, honking of horns, etc...

I've always wondered about that. Often at the mall, you'll see a young couple and the woman is clearly dressed to get attention, showing lots of skin, being ogled with every step and unless the guy she's with is her pimp, I've always imagined it to be an uncomfortable situation.

I've read that the girl can be beautiful, and the guy homely. She is happy, until

family and friends start making comments, then she feels like she hasn't gotten a good deal.

There is love and there is honor.

Hopefully, you do not have to ask her if she loves you.

Ask her, what her values are about cheating. If she would ever consider doing it. If she says no, then I would never worry about it again.

Interesting thread. Looks like [EDIT:] DestinysDad got a lot of unrequested advice about what all was wrong with his marriage - with the poster making all the assumptions about how wrong it was. I hate it when that happens, myself. Not to say that some of the advice wasn't wise! Some of it, anyway ;-)

Anyhow, DD asked for people with similar experiences <raises hand, grins>. I've usually been with girls who were prettier than me (not all of 'em, but most), some way prettier than me.

Of course, thats my perception - and I dont think of myself as all too handsome, so that probly plays a role. (And already provides a clue about what the bigger problem can be - her beauty or your lack of self-confidence.) Anyway, couple of my girlfriends I know they were very pretty, just judging on the reactions of others.

Those come good and bad. Good, to just start off with an egocentric one: beauty opens doors. Must be that unconscious primal instinct peeking through. When you're (with someone) beautiful, people are nicer, more welcoming, more open, less distrustful or evasive. I mean, on (broad, sweeping) average. (But they did actually do research on that, I remember reading in the paper, about instinctive reactions fuelled by people's beauty).

Mixed: family members (you know, uncles or cousins or something) going nudge, nudge wink, wink eh you didnt do bad here heh? <insert rolling eyes>

Bad: "assertive" guys sailing right past you and ignoring you while making a blatant move on your gf. OK, that only happened the literal once or twice. I remember an American guy, like - you know - oh, you dont really wanna be with that guy, look at me I'm more your level! <insert double rolling eyes>

Good: what Slappy said. You're proud of your gal! She's a beauty, and she knows it / she doesnt even know it (both work), and look at all those guys and how they react! Too funny, too. Of course, its only funny or evoking of some sort of replacement pride (proud for her), if you're solidly secure inside about that she really just goes for you. Which I was, at the time when I thought it was funny ;-).

Good but lowly: proud of yourself. Hey, thats my woman here. Look at that. (The latter message apparently expressed subliminally in a literal fashion too). This, of course, is how you always should feel about your woman. But, the world is tough, you just dont, always. Of course, your loved one is always beautiful to you. But yeah, er, love isnt all that blind, not over time - I could tell the difference ...

Which brings me to another egoist and un-PC point. Beauty matters. Of course everybody you love is beautiful to you. Of course somene who loves you, someone you share minds and passions with, will radiate a kind of beauty to you, always. But, yeah. There's also just physical beauty - the face, the hair, the body - its just a fact. And a really beautiful girlfriend is just a happiness to behold - like - I would look at my gf and her hair and - it evokes an instantaneous pleasure, like really good chocolate or watching Victoria Falls or a beautiful sunset - and the sunset is right beside you, every day! Theres just something about that.

Wait, there's more ... ;-)

NIMH, you really threw me confusing DrewDad, the new daddy, with DestinysDad, the author of this thread.

Oh Lord!

<doublechecks>

<blushes>

Oops ..

OK, my embarassment about that ef-up notwithstanding, I was still babbling on so I guess I might just as well post the rest too ... perhaps I'll entertain someone ...

What else. Insecurity. Yes, happens. Thinking, she'll never stay with me, she'll move on - too many amazing guys taking a shot at her, eventually there'll be one I wont be able to compete with. The competition - and in nowaday's world, competition doesnt cease with marriage - just gets stiffer when your partner's really pretty.

This insecurity comes up especially if your partner is still young and without much experience - I'm thinking of the one I was with for 6 years. When I met her she was - really green. Hadnt ever had a steady bf yet really. And she was totally unaware of her own beauty. Had been the inconspicuous one next to her best friend in high school, cause her best friend had big breasts and you know high school boys ... but now she was blooming - hey, perhaps even cause she was happy with me - and suddenly attracting a lot of attention from men - very flattering if you're not used to it - and, she'd never been with another guy ... was still changing a lot ... No, I cant recommend being a girl's first bf. She'll never know whether there isnt a better party out there, cause she never tried - and you cant help wondering ...

Yeah I remember being mostly insecure about that - the curiosity, the sense that it'd be unavoidable she'd move on in the end. Was there an element of self-fulfilling prophecy? I guess. I know that I worried about that (her wondering about whether there wouldnt be someone better) before she ever actually did. And confident men are sexier. If you're just into starting to feel sexier yourself, a man who's not so confident can drag you down, when what you want is someone who's up there with you. But all in all that wasnt the biggest of my problems. If I hadnt cheated on her, she probably wouldnt have eventually cheated on me. Something had just broken in her. Chickens, roost, all that.

Which reminds me - another thing someone said: someone can be really pretty and you can fall for that, and then it turns out she's boring or superficial. Well, not more of a chance than someone who's not pretty turning out to be boring ... but yeah, perhaps more of a chance of "overlooking" that in the beauty-fanned rush of falling in love? I mean, with this one girl I guess I was kinda under-challenged, lessay, in the conversational/intelligence department ... she didnt understand much of what I was talking about, so I didnt - talked with other people, instead, spent my time with her cocooning or being cozy or, you know. Well, a challenge is overrated in a relationship anyway - being over-challenged is a lot more of a nuisance than being under-challenged. At least you can relax. But if I hadnt gotten a little ... dare I say bored, perhaps, I wouldnt probly have strayed, its true.

Oh, and what about the sex/beauty nexus someone mentioned? Like, handsome guy with not-so-pretty girlfriend, but I bet she's good in bed? (Vice versa, that'd mean I'm really good in bed? ) I dunno ... three best lovers I had were two of the most beautiful ones, and the least pretty of 'em. And the other way round, pretty much. Kinda random. So tho the theory of over-compensating ugly ducklings sounds good, its probly bull.

Anyway... all in all ... I think the pros and the cons kinda balance each other out ...


(oh and ive been with less than a dozen girls so dont you start wondering ;-))

At one time, back when I was single, I went out with a very attractive
woman. Cute as hell, dressed to the nines and - as they say - well
endowed. One look at me and you had to think "She must be dating him
out of pity." She got a lot of admiring looks. I got a lot of puzzled looks.

It didn't bother me when other guys looked. It didn't bother me that she
knew they were looking and liked it. And I really enjoyed it when some
stud tried to move in and got shot down. She was quite capable of
handling the situation and only once did I have to step in.

So why didn't it bother me? Because the relationship was not really
serious or going anywhere. She was rebounding and I was safe -
undemanding, just good-looking enough to be presentable, and not
cheap. I was rebounding as well. She was safe because, God bless her,
she was fun to be with - but not forever.

I believe that if we were seriously interested in each other, we'd have
reacted quite differently.

Well, I hope nobody minds my saying so (yet again)....but for a woman to be "picking up men right and left," she has to be TRYING to pick them up, no matter how she looks.

George makes that point rather well in saying, "She was quite capable of handling the situation..." Fact is, most women are. I can point out my wedding ring and, 99 times out of 100, the man backs down (unless he's drunk, which is a special, nasty case).

In my experience, unless it's a gay couple, one of them is always way more attractive than the other.