He Walked Out - I am Dying

You get over it with time

...... and getting seriously pissed.

What a creep to do this to you and your kids.

But girl, you need to hold it together for those kids. They really need you.

One pulls oneself up by the boot straps and says enough is enough!

What this guy did to you and your kids is awful but your kids need you now more than ever! Laying around and feeling sorry for yourself will not bring him back. Nor will it pay the bills and put food on the table. Sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do and pulling it together might not be what you want to do but something you have to do.

I don't want to sound harsh but being sad and hurt is one thing; completely abandoning life is another. If you cannot pull yourself out of this alone, perhaps you need to seek help.

I wish you the best.

I have sought help. Anti-depressents are not going to help this overwhelming grief. I am working. He was always there to put the kids on the bus. I had my 80 year old neighbor coming over the last few weeks, she volunteered. She had a heart attack in my front yard yesterday morning and it does not look like she is going to make it. I work 6 am to 3 pm. I have to leave at 5:30 am, it is darn hard to find a sitter for that hour.

I know he is a creep. He tells me I can't stand on my own two feet, but I own the $185,000 house, pay the bills. My car might be 15 years old, but it runs. All he is harping on is that I have to learn to stand on my own two feet when he has never even paid rent anywhere.

He did not like having to get up in the morning at 7:30 to put the kids on the bus. He worked from home all day, never had to leave.

Hi Karen,

I'm sorry you're in this sad position but you need to look ahead a bit. Pain in sadness have there natural place but food and shelter come first. I'm glad you've come here to post. It shows me that after two weeks of being alone with your pain you're ready to get some focus.

Are you employed? When you said all he paid was the utilities do you mean that there are other things that were left unpaid or that you were already covering the other things?

You need to contact everyone that you owe money and explain the situation to them. They will work with you to pay it back over time if you are upfront with them. There are no-cost credit counseling agengies that can work with you to set up a budget so that you are taking care of your needs and those of your kids. Don't be afraid to ask the ex bf to contribute to the payoffs. If you had an arrangement with him to help pay the bills and he skipped out you can ask him to help get everything caught up.

I'm sorry the kids are so sad. Two weeks doesn't seem like very long, or perhaps it seems like a lifetime but it really is time to take a deep breath and get a true assessment of your situation and make a plan to move forward. You'll be ok. It might be hard, but you can do it.

edit: we cross posted so I see you're employed. Sounds like you need to show him how wrong he is. Get mad, get focused, get motivated and I have no doubt you will succeed.

How old is your oldest child?

My kids are 10 and 7. I am fine financially, I am a squirrel by nature and have enough money in the bank to pay all the bills and not owe. Money is not the issue. I thought this guy was truthful and considerate. Every night at dinner he would say the prayer and thank God for his wonderful family. I just have no idea why he snapped. We never even had a fight in five years. There is no other woman. I need to understand what goes through someone's mind to want to hurt me so bad.

What went through his mind.... People often want clean floors, but they do not want to sweep. They want to be Judges, but they don't want to go to law school.

Responsibility looks easy from the outside to those who never had it.

People often want something for nothing. Nice Girl, Nice Family, Nice House..He could not handle the responsibility. IT HURTS TO BE TRICKED.

Often we believe what we HEAR and not what we see. I love you's are nice, but a man with HIS OWN JOB, CAR, ROUTINE, HOUSE, etc shows me he can handle the responsibility of these things not just that he "wants" to have them.. People have to demonstrate their abilities.

It feels good to be NEEDED, do not mistake that for LOVE. I'm sorry your guy did not work out. IT'S HIS LOSS.

Re: He Walked Out - I am Dying


This doesn't explain it all but it's appearently all you have to go on. Did he feel like he was being 'kept' because you were supporting him financially?

The real question you need to start asking is not only why he did this but if he decided to come back would you want him to?

nice post duce.

I think it's almost hilarious that he said he wanted to stand on his own two feet so he moved home to his mother and dad's house.

Karen (welcome to A2K, BTW) maybe you could see about changing your shift at work to allow you to be home in the morning with the kids.

duce said it all.

Take care of your children. They need you more than this clown needs you or you need him. Show them that you all will be just fine without him. Better even. And remember to never again hook up with a man who has nothing to bring to the table.

One thing. And I speak from painful experience. You will probably never understand why he did what he did. It's tough to accept that, I know, but it's truth and the sooner you realize that, the sooner you can let that part go. It's useless.

That is so sad about your neighbor. Do what you can for her, as she tried to do for you.

Is there any way for you to rearrange your work hours to accomodate your new situation?

Cripes, what's he talking about, YOU need to learn to stand on your own two feet? This sounds like classic "projection," where really HE is the one who needs to stand on his own darned feet & he's accusing you of it instead.

I don't think this guy actually meant to hurt you. I think he's seriously messed up and is trying (in really crappy ways) to fix himself. I don't think his moving in with his parents is going to help him at all.

Given his financial situation, we have to guess he did NOT work from home all day when he said he was. It sounds to me like you deserve a better man. How I hate lies!

If I were you, I'd be looking forward to a Better future wih a Better man. Your kids may love him, but he's a bad example for them. It may take some time, but my thoughts, based on what you've written, tend towards NOT trying to get him back. He may have done you a really big favor here, though it'll no doubt take some time to see things that way.

Be kind to yourself, please, if at all possible, and remember, he's messed up, and probably didn't really TRY to hurt you. Let him go, and look to your better future.

Whatever shift I work, I will need a sitter on either end. The plan was he was to be paying off his loan and getting our business built up so by next year I could quit work and consult with him full-time. For some reason he views himself as a victim, that I kidnapped him or something for five years when he could have been buying a house (?) He hasn't filed tax returns in five years, I am not sure who would give him a mortgage.

Yeah, duce and BorisKitten both have good points.

If you could work a later shift, it might be easier to find childcare in the afternoon. For instance, most schools have extended day programs that you could probably take advantage of.

I'm really sorry to hear that you're in pain over this, but everyone here reading your posts can see that you will be fine. You've clearly got your act together. This incident was a shock but as soon as you get past the shock of it you will be able to pick up and move on. Oh, and sorry to hear about your neighbor, poor woman.

Can we be very honest here?
He sounds like a big fat LOSER.
Fall on your knees and count your blessings, girlfriend, that you didn't get tied up with him financially. How was he making money to pay off his loan? Was he working? Can you get in trouble because he didn't file taxes?
Protect yourself.

Karen,

He is the source of your pain. I think it is unwise for you to be talking to him and seeing him. At least not right now. Give yourself time to work through your emotions. Sadness has a natural duration. That duration is different for each individual.

Crying is just one way to "heal" through expression. I just think that if you are crying all the time, some of that is due to the fact that you really can't begin to heal the way you need to.....if he is still partially "around."

Also, spending time with friends or occupying your mind with something new can be of benefit.

It sounds like he is very immature. He needs to take care of his own problems before he can be of any good to you. He needs to grow up and stop blaming everyone else for unfulfilled dreams. Get off his arse and make them happen. He reminds me of someone that is unhappy inside and he is looking for someone to point his finger at, that will take the blame.

My opinion.........you are better off without him. There are plenty of wonderful men out there. :wink:

Great idea, FreeDuck! Even our local Vocational/Technical school, in Nowhere, FL, has an excellent child-care program. People who are taking classes in the childcare field get hands-on experience, closely supervised by their instructors. Another avenue worth checking out.

Best of luck to you! I like you, and I wish the very best for you. I truly believe your future can now be brighter!

I feel especially sorry for the kids. They've lost their "dad."

Karen, you need to sit down with them and tell them, very simply, that you made a mistake letting this man into your lives. Yes, apologize to them...because someone should, and it won't be him. Tell them that from now on, the three of you will have to look at people a lot closer, because you were tricked. And make sure the kids know that he tricked YOU, too. Shared pain is always easier to handle. The three of you can band together from here on out.

The fact that you never married this guy speaks volumes. Be thankful...for yourself and your kids...that you didn't.

Meanwhile, make it very clear to the loser that he has hurt your children immeasurably, and it is best for him to stay away (FAR away!) from them from now on. They deserve at least that.

Absolutely. He'd never have the privilege of seeing my children again.

He walked out on you--leaving a mess of his possessions behind.

He left the utilities unpaid for three months (and is blaming you for taking all his money).

He is advocating that you stand on your own two feet--while he's living with Mommie & Daddy.

He's on the telephone crying the blues to you that he is so unhappy.


You miss him?

That's a start.

Now let your anger out.

You have every right to be angry with this feckless, self-centered SOB both on your own behalf and on your children's behalf.

You have two children to take care of--and he wants your support for walking out on you!

You're angry with yourself because you didn't suspect that the man you loved was a no-good user and liar.

Why is his stuff still strewn around your house? Do you want him back? Put it all in boxes--and don't do his laundry first, either. Pack his cruddy clothes dirty!

Then tell him to make arrangements to get out of your house and out of your life.

I grant you, you feel like a wrung out dishrag and wrung out dishrags find it difficult to be assertive, but pactice will make perfect.

Remember, you're the wronged one here--not Lying Boy.