first heartbreak :(

As callous as it sounds I'm afraid he's made a conquest and moved on. Heartbreak is devastating at your age. I remember. My first real sweetheart broke my heart . I still think of her once in a while and I'm 65 now. But I loved again. And just as deeply. It was different but made me just as happy as the first. They're the only ones I've ever loved. The second divorced me four years ago but I'm fine. Don't know if it'll happen again.

Find the strength to go on. Believe it or not there are unexpected wonderful things ahead. Look forward with optimism. Cry as much as you want. You never forget him but it's easier to bear the farther you get from it. I wish I could take the pain from you but know I can't. All I can do is assure you that better days will come.

Hi Shannon, I wish I had some really good advice that would fix you up in a moment, but I don't, so I'll just talk a little.

This guy was WRONG in what he did to you. He treated you badly for reasons of his own. It was definitely not your fault that he stopped talking to you, regardless of what he was thinking. A decent guy would have talked to you about his feelings instead of just quitting talking. This is not your fault! You may blame yourself for what happened....DON'T!

When I was 16, pretty much everything in my life was A LOT harder than it is now that I'm 43. I remember vividly just how much everything hurt, even little things. This is a big thing, your first love. It's OK to be sad, to mourn, to cry, etc. It's not OK to let it get you down so much that you feel you just can't go on. Try to remember that at 16, things are a lot more difficult to deal with than they will be later.

Exercise helps me a lot even though I pretty much hate doing it. Well, I don't hate DOING it so much as STARTING it. I've found the first step in almost all things is the hardest one. Remember that....once you take your first step in getting over this, the next step will be easier.

Try reading some self-help books, they always help me at least a little, and of course they're free from your local library. I like Rational Emotive Therapy or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (Albert Ellis is really good). For people like me & you who suffer from depression, this is a relatively fast solution. You can start working on changing your negative thoughts TODAY.

I also like books by the Dalai Lama, he's had a ridiculously hard life and has dealt with it in truly admirable ways. When someone asks me what people I admire, he's usually the only one I can come up with.

Keep posting on this forum, and read as many posts as you can. It's really helped me a lot. Read about my problems....the thread was called "My problems...marriage...work & equality" or something like that. I find it really helps me to know I'm not alone. You may feel really alone right now, but you're not.

I care about you and about what happens to you. Tell us how you're doing, I for one will read it all.

Congratulate yourself for every little step you take to help yourself. It was brave and very smart of you to post on this forum.

You actually sound pretty grown-up for 16, and I admire you for that. You seem to know only YOU can help yourself, and believe me, this will help you a LOT in the future. You're absolutely right, only YOU can really help yourself. I wish I was so knowledgable at 16! I've met people in their 70's who never realized this. You're emotionally smart in that way. Pat yourself on the back!

I care, Shannon, and from your post, I like you. Leave this guy behind, because you deserve better.

Oh, and if you have any pets, snuggle them a lot!

i have a little puppy (well hes not a really a puppy hes 7 but hes still a puppy in my heart ) and i find that the moment i sit down with him everything just seems to go away. too bad i cnt just put him in my backpack everyday and take him to school with me. hed make everything better. i actually do blame myself because a part of me knew that at the beginning i shouldnt have had sex with him or let it go as far as it went only because i knew he would just move on and leave me all alone. i knew that it would happen and yet i still went with it. i basically set MYSELF up for heartbreak. but then again...its not. maybe i will go to the library and check out and see if they have those books. i need to start reading some more anyways. hopefully it will get my mind off the things that arent great right now and help me focus on those that are. thank you:)

Oh, if only I could take my baby pets everywhere with me! Even today, I think they love me more than people do. BTW, I snuggle a stuffed animal every night, and I'm 43 and married. It's OK!

Boris Kitten is 2+ yrs old, and he'll always be my Little Baby Kitten.

Even if you suspected this guy would move on after sex, it's still not your fault he stopped talking to you. It is his fault, honestly. HE was the one who screwed up here, by breaking off all communication.

Now that you've gotten your first sexual experience out of the way, you won't have a "first time" again, and I think that's a good thing!

Off to the library with you! It really does help. Post more later, OK?

Shannon, I want you to find this book "How to Survive the Loss of a Love". Amazon.com carries it for about seven dollars but you may be able to find it at your local bookstore. I suffered my first big heartbreak close to 30 years ago and this little book, with just a few lines on every page, helped me cope with everything I was feeling, the heartbreak, the humiliation, the thoughts of suicide and murder, all of them. Buy this book. That's the best advice I can give you.

Everyone is right. It's ok to be sad, frustrated, hurt.... eventually the sadness will go away. And it will be replaced by anger. You will be mad that he used you and hurt you. But then that will go away and you will move on and be a better person for the experience.

Take eoe's advice and at least look at the book. You never know where your healing will come from. Write stuff down. Eat chocolate. Pet your puppy. Find what is theraputic for you.

We all set ourselves up once in a while. It is human nature to believe that we can change things or people. I spent a lot of my teenage years thinking I could change the world. My mom would tell me "You can't save them all!" but I believed I could. I took a lot of beatings to the heart.

Just keep your chin up and know that you will fall in love again and it will be better than the last.

As long as you learn from this experience you have nothing to worry about. Just remember that having sex will not make a person love you. Only do it if you yourself are ready fo that kind of relationship... and be safe if you are having sex.

As far as the hurt you are feeling... don't worry... time heals all wounds and eventually you will meet a boy who actually cares for you as much as you care for him. Stand tall and stay strong and soon you won't even remember why you were with this guy in the first place

And Welcome to A2K.

Hi Shannon,

I hope today is a little better. Each day can be a tiny bit better than the one before if you allow yourself to look forward instead of backward. I know how much you hurt and the feelings are very real. I think you'll always have a soft spot in your heart for this guy because he was the first one you felt this way about. I don't think we ever fully get over our first true love but we do manage to go on and eventually fall in love again.

Sorry it's so hard right now.

J_B...i think you posted a while ago on one of my other topics about depression...cool lol. i could be wrong but i think you are. anyways...today was a little better. alot of times during school i would talk to this guy on my phone and i think thats why many of my studies went down hill. but i dont carry my cell phone with me in my pocket anymore...its in my bag and that helps me a little bit. but coming home and being online and NOT talking to him is hard. theres that feeling that..i WANT to cry but...its just not coming out. my body wont let me. ive cried so much in the last couple months that i think my tear ducts are dry lol. the weird thing is that i wasnt even sure what love was..because well i had never BEEN in love. but the pain that im feeling now makes it more obvious to me that...i DID love him and i honestly dont think that the feelings were mutual, and thats something that i told myself but i never let myself completely believe it. this weekend i had plans to go out with my best friend and her boyfriend...but now that this has happened i think i would feel really upset if i DID go with them. but maybe i do need to go with them to get myself out and doing things to get my mind off of it. i dont know. im only 16 and im so confused about life lol. im off to the library right now to go look at some books. ill post more l8r.

Hi Shannon, I think you should go out with your friend & her boyfriend, even if you have to force yourself at first just to go. They know about this, right? If so, they should be willing to treat you gently; if not, better tell 'em!

Being with folks you like always helps, even though I can understand how you might feel a little awkward about it at first. Once you're together a bit that awkwardness will probably go away.

Lots of women know something intellectually about their men but refuse to really believe it....women way older than you who should know better. It gets them into trouble every time, sometimes Big Trouble.

I think it's really good you've had this experience now rather than later, because you can learn a lot from it and next time trust your own feelings & observations.

There has to be a first time...now that you've gotten this first time done you can sit back and review the stuff you've learned, and know how to do things differently next time.

All relationships, good or bad, teach us something. Write what you've learned down in your Instruction Manual of Life, and refer to it when you meet the next guy!

BTW, if you were 16 and NOT confused about life, there'd be something wrong with you, in my opinion. Teenaged years are the Hardest of All!

So true. Check out this thread
He Walked Out - I'm Dying

ugh. im so mad at him. im hurting this much over him when obviously by HIS actions he never really cared in the first place. WHY DID I WASTE MY PRECIOUS YEAR WITH HIM?!?!? ugh. it hurts so much that im just so pissed. this is one of those times when i wish i could take out my brain or something and take an eraser to it and erase all things that i dont want to remember...starting with him.

Shanaynay--

Don't think of it as a "wasted" year. You learned a lot. "Sadder but wiser" endures as a cliche because there is considerable truth behind the worn words.

You'll get over the sadness--the wisdom will be with you for the rest of your life.

So glad Noddy responded, and she's SO RIGHT!

I'm glad you're more angry than hurt, Shannon. That places the blame right where it belongs....on HIM.

You know, for all the pain I've been through, I never even thought of a Brain Eraser. Ha! Maybe they'll invent one someday. In the meantime, the best eraser is New Experiences. Go out and get some, they really help!

I'm still waiting for them to invent a way to both perm & color my hair....I mean, what's technology FOR, anyway?

Hi Shannon,

It's good to be angry. Anger helps you get past the sadness and time helps you get past the anger. Eventually it all goes into the experience book and helps you the next time around. Noddy is very wise and makes her point very well.

BorisKitten, J_B--

Thanks for the kind words.

Shanaynay--

Absolutely, get out of the house this weekend. Get your chores out of the way and hold a Celebration of Shannon Day. You've earned some special treats and cosseting and once you learn to treat yourself like a beloved princess, no man--particularly no little high school twerp--is going to talk you into ignoring your own instincts.

Hold your dominion.

im going to see HIDE AND SEEK tonight with a big group of my girlfriends and then i think we are giong to steak n shake or something afterwards. i feel really accomplished because i finished my homework last nigth and im not so down in the dumps right now. thanks everyone for your help.

Keep looking up, doll.