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How would you feel if your boss/someone told you this?

 
 
Reply Sun 28 Jan, 2018 12:04 am
I work closely with my boss, its a small, casual home business.

We were talking while working one day, she mentioned that her friend was interested in selling her company to my boss, we then got talking about what makes a good employee in our specific job, and she mentioned that it takes a long time to learn not to care whether people like you or not (referring to the customer service aspect of our job). She then said to me "you were lucky that you weren't bullied at school, you're such a shy girl. You must have had a good group of friends." I was a bit taken back by it, its like implying that I should have been bullied and why wasn't I, and that my friends must have defended me from any bullies meaning defending myself is something I am incapable of doing, and that I am in the wrong for simply being myself.

Basically I want to know how you would feel if someone said that to you? Is it a bit harsh saying that to someone? Or am I thinking to much into it?
 
centrox
 
  2  
Reply Sun 28 Jan, 2018 02:51 am
You are maybe thinking too much into it, but I think her remarks sound patronizing.
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  3  
Reply Sun 28 Jan, 2018 09:45 am
@Ed with questions,
I agree that the remarks sound patronizing. Small, intimate companies like yours can give rise to all sorts of conversations you would never have in larger working environments.
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PUNKEY
 
  2  
Reply Sun 28 Jan, 2018 12:08 pm
Could mean:

"You were lucky that you weren't bullied at school since you're such a shy girl and shy people often become victims of bullies. You must have had a good group of friends who would have never let that happen. "

Back-handed compliment!

0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Sun 28 Jan, 2018 12:14 pm
@Ed with questions,
I'd have thought it was a compliment on my selection of a good circle of friends.
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Sun 28 Jan, 2018 01:07 pm
@ehBeth,
First part.

(You're shy (a defect) and it's a wonder you survived)
centrox
 
  1  
Reply Sun 28 Jan, 2018 01:28 pm
Sound to me like the boss is making assumptions. How does she know whether the OP was bullied at school, or not? She might have been bullied mercilessly and risen above it, or at the opposite extreme, never bullied, but would have collapsed if she had been.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Sun 28 Jan, 2018 03:36 pm
@PUNKEY,
That is your interpretation.

It doesn't match mine.

<shrug>
0 Replies
 
Finn dAbuzz
 
  1  
Reply Wed 31 Jan, 2018 01:51 pm
@Ed with questions,
Way too much

Did you ever tell her you weren't bullied in school? If not why would she assume you weren't?

Are you not shy?
0 Replies
 
Turbine
 
  -1  
Reply Fri 2 Feb, 2018 12:25 pm
I'd be very confused if someone said that I was a shy girl, what with being a man and all. I think your boss just meant that you aren't coarse and hardened by from experiences of being treated poorly by others. The weird implication is that it requires that background to be good at customer service. Must be a strange industry where a home business requires such a stern approach toward its customers.
0 Replies
 
ekename
 
  1  
Reply Sat 3 Feb, 2018 07:44 am
@Ed with questions,
Your boss may be a fwit and under no circumstances should you say," I'm sorry you were bullied and had no friends".
0 Replies
 
 

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