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Fri 10 Aug, 2018 12:10 pm
Hello dear Forum members,
I'm new here and its my first question. It's been making my mind busy for a while. I just moved a new country (Germany) and making a Language Course and then i'll study here in University. I'm 19 so im not an experienced person when it comes to those relationship-flirting stuff.
So there is this guy, i saw him first in February in tram, he was staring at me. Not smiling and when i stared, he kept the eye contact. I saw him a couple of times more, just staring. He was already looking at me when i noticed. One time, in the tram, i saw him staring at me but a grandma came between us and he clearly moved a little and leaned and looked at me. No shame! Anyway I saw him in the supermarket near my dorm. He works there. He always stared at me, stopped doing his work.
But then finally, i don't know how that happened because im an extremely shy and also an introverted person, but when i saw him, after eye contact, i smiled. He smiled back. We stayed like that for a weird couple of seconds. And then, after that, he always smiled when he saw me, on the street, near library (hes probably a student), etc. Even though he was with his friends.
But there was no a real opportunity to approach for me, because we are on the road of different directions or surrounded by friends. But in the street for example, there are a lot of people but he is directly looking at me. But he is looking at me, directly. But im the one who breaks the contact after 5-6 seconds. Anyway, one time i said him hi from a lot of far away in a chaotic market environment but i don't know if he heard it. And i walked so fast to get away.
But the last part, really confuses me. I went near him in market, he looked tired a little maybe but he smiled. I hanged around the shelves near him like a couple of minutes, usual eye contact moment, smiling, holding a few seconds and he went back to his work. It was like a really good opportunity to approach you know. And i felt a bit disappointed.
I was sure that he was staring at me for months but i don't know if im exaggerating it. I don't know why he isn't making a move! Or did i just made that up that he is interested talking to me? What is he thinking? What do those signals mean? Should i force myself and approach him? Please help me! This curiosity is killing me for months.
Thank you!
@marceline,
You go up to him. You say, "Hi, I'm Marceline. (or whatever your name is, if it isn't that)." And you stick your right hand out and shake his hand.
Smiling and calling out from a distance doesn't do you a damned bit of good. I recognize you are shy but you have literally nothing to lose here. You'll be in a public place. You won't give him your last name. You won't show him where you live.
Most people will shake your hand and say, "Hi, I'm Mike (or whatever his name is). It's nice to meet you." And you might make small talk about the weather or sports or wow the food at the local restaurant is so great or whatever.
You're shy. He probably is, too.
If neither of you do the approach, you will never know anything.
Don't live your life like that, letting yourself be passively buffeted along by everything.
Take charge of your destiny.
And - pro tip - the more you do something like this, the easier it gets.
Life belongs to those who make it known that they want or need or like something. And life also barely acknowledges those who don't.
You don’t know anything about him, so ask some other same-age person on staff at the store: ”Do you know that guy? I think I went to school with him, but Im not sure...”
And continue the conversation, maybe even finding out if he lives nearby And and if he’s dating someone.
Thank you to all those answers. But i don't know if he is interested in me so i don't wanna push it, i wanna know the reason(s) of his actions! And I have another problem. Maybe I'll see him again but I'm so so shy to do a smooth move, or even a basic move without being funny. I'd really be easier to get a signal from him that I'm welcome.
@marceline,
He stares at you and smiles. What else do you need?
Apparently both of you have become “stuck” at this stage of flirting. Are you willing to find out if there’s ever going to be more to all this? Boys are more immature socially and verbally at your age, so it might be up to you to break the ice.
Decide if he’s worth it before another girl goes up to him at the store and asks him where the peaches are.
@marceline,
You don't have to know for sure he's interested in order to just say hi.
Waiting for conditions to allegedly be perfect or to know the full reasons for what he does is avoidance behavior.
Why does he stare at you? #ProTip - it doesn't matter.
Ever. When you say hi, it'll become clear, anyway.
Thank you all. I hope I beat my shyness and make a step, a real step. Not only in this situation, in general.
How about this - you say he works at a market. It sounds like you go to that particular market. Why don't you go up and ask him something about the market - like Hi - could you help me I am trying to find this .... whatever item you think makes sense. Something not obvious to find or unsure if the market carries it?
I could be reading this wrong and he just has been in the market where you go to or maybe because of cultural differences you mean something other than a market where you shop for something? If that is the case - think of something of where you usually see him that you could ask him something - ask for directions even if you know how to get somewhere for example.
Then he would be in a position to answer you -- it would then be a bit easier to say something like - Hi my name is ---. I have seen you around do you attend --- University?
The idea is to get a conversation started
@Linkat,
Yeah i get it but if i start a too casual conversation, maybe he wont continue. It would make a lot of disappointment. And i just can't ask questions, how can i get over it. For example, i was in this Supermarkt today, there is this cashier boy thats always super friendly with me. Today it was no one on the queue and he asked for my id (for beer) and said, i've asked before sorry but still. And i gave it naturally. And it costed like 9.01 Euro but he said ahh no problem i'll make it 9 (so untypical german). I could've ask if he is a student for example. It was a good opportunity. But I just can't. I don't know how to force myself or am I trying too hard?
@marceline,
marceline wrote:Yeah i get it but if i start a too casual conversation, maybe he wont continue. It would make a lot of disappointment.
if you start a conversation and it doesn't go anywhere then you try again with someone else on another day
do you have difficulty speaking with women as well? children? pets?
__
today's cashier - did you say hello when you arrived at the cash? were you at all socially appropriate?
@marceline,
marceline wrote:And it costed like 9.01 Euro but he said ahh no problem i'll make it 9 (so untypical german).
did you smile?
did you thank him?
did you laugh?
did you have any reaction that would let him know you heard him?
@ehBeth,
Yes i smiled, thanked but didn't laugh. But glanced 2 times more (with a smile) after that and when i put all the things in my bags like a little while later, he was cashing another person, i said bye! he said bye! too. Did I make enough?
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