Self-help kits you wouldn't want to buy game.

Make your own violin kit

Set of strings, bow, one maple tree seed, glue. Saw mill and other tools not included.

@edgarblythe,

Patience is a virtue with this violin kit, Edgar. You'd get plenty of time to practice waiting for the tree to grow.

@coluber2001,

Hey, instant gratification is not all it's cracked up to be.

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Baseball bat with trap door.
The beady eyes of the pitcher squint with rage as he launches a ninety six mile per hour ball directly over the plate, well within strike range. Ball and bat make contact. The bat continues to move out into the field of play. Where is the ball? The batter trots around, touching all bases. Then he opens the trap door and lets out the ball. Home run!

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Writing your own dictionary made easy.

Self-help guide to creating your own dictionary. Include your own made-up words and delete words you don't like. Define and pronunciate words to your liking. For a fee we will publish a small first edition of your dictionary.

1 Reply

@coluber2001,

Writing your own dictionary is not that far-fetched. Ambrose Bierce wrote his Devil's Dictionary, a cynical dictionary. It's quite good, though somewhat outdated.

1 Reply

@coluber2001,

https://d1w7fb2mkkr3kw.cloudfront.net/assets/images/book/large/9781/4344/9781434473721.jpg

1 Reply

@coluber2001,

"Build your own safe room" kit-- for werewolves and other people with periodical difficulties. All the tools and supplies needed to build a safe room including a time-lock door. When you feel an attack coming on go into to your safe room and close the door. Door will not open for another 24 hours, well past the full moon phase.

http://www.joyland.co.uk/Images/WT's--Oliver-Reed-model-197.jpg

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Kit for cooking anything, especially if one is a poor cook.
The Poor Cook Kit
contains huge blocks of cheese

Put liberal amounts of cheese on and in everything you cook. No one will guess you don't know how to cook because all they will taste is cheese.

1 Reply

@edgarblythe,

Recommended by Denny's.

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Making lemonade from lemons: a Positive Guide for the Sociopath in Politics
With a posthumous forward by Joseph Goebbels

1 Reply

Waste not want not kit

Everything needed to recycle toilet paper.

1 Reply

@coluber2001,

Making Lemonade from Lemons is really an attack on Trump, whom some psychiatrists have labeled as sociopathic. He possibly is, but many psychiatrists have called him mentally ill. At any rate, he is definitely a demagogue, and I'm sure he would be proud of that label. A demagogue is defined as someone who manipulates people and gains power by playing on their fears, prejudices, and hatreds.

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@coluber2001,

Waste Not Want Not is a serious attack on the toilet paper industry in this country. Toilet paper is really an outmoded-- in some countries at least-- form of bathroom hygiene. It's not very effective and it's a terrible burden on water resources to produce the toilet paper and sewage treatment plants that deal with the end result. Bidets are a much more hygienic means than toilet paper and much better for conserving water and for sewage treatment management. Bidet attachments are available for as little as $35 for the blue bidet.

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WWL, EWR
Wipe with your left, eat with your right.

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Print out this certificate, get it notarized, and use it as proof of qualification to run for political office.

http://cdn.quotesgram.com/img/51/93/864791685-certificate_of_sanity_108.png

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Build your own wall with beer cans kit. Starter kit includes one six pack of Carta Blanca or Dos Equis, or other famous Mexican beer. Wall will not only keep Mexicans out, but it will help the Mexican economy. After 50 years of serious beer drinking you should have an adequate wall as well as a nice case of cirrhosis of the liver.

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You have a delectable ham sanrich, with onions and tomaters and other neat stuff, oozing out the sides. It's inconvenient to carry a lunch box. But, there is the laptop with a high case to leave room for your lunch. Just set it in there and close it up until it's time to eat.

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How to raise a mentally disturbed child.

Read this book and do the exact opposite. If you agree with any of the suggestions in the book so, then you know you're doing something wrong. Should you follow the suggestions in the book, your child may become wildly successful in a sick society, but is that always a good idea?

https://memecrunch.com/meme/AV9UB/trump-mental-illness/image.png?w=400&c=1

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Third Eye
Tired of meditating, but still want to see out that 3rd eye? Kit for drilling hole in forehead and inserting eye software. You will never need to meditate again, but you will "see" reality.

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Self-help kits you wouldn't want to buy game.

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