Yep.
What I got out of the statement you quoted is that she doesn't want kids, loves you, and feels badly that the fact that she doesn't want kids hurts you -- but she doesn't want kids.
Again, that's OK. She expressed her doubts from the beginning, and I tend to think that if it's that important to one or the other of the parties involved, it should be resolved before marriage. I know that's easier said than done. I have some friends who have been together since early college -- when they were 19 or whatever, they didn't KNOW whether they wanted kids for sure or not. Now, at 36, one knows he does and one knows she doesn't. I'm not sure of the latest with them -- I know they tried for a bit and it didn't happen. I was nervous about it because I knew she really didn't want kids, and I don't think a person who doesn't want kids should have them.
Folks,
She had always said that she didn't want kids considering her physical condition. She had never come out to say outright she doesn't want kids. So it was natural that I think if her physical conditions got improved, she might change her mind.
But now I think you (and to some extent me also) are right. She doesn't want kids. Period. And it is not right to puruse that subject anymore. I have to think whether as angie has challenged our love, my love for her keeps us together or I'll put having kids first.
Hmmm. I don't know about not pursuing the subject at all anymore. Have you asked, "if your physical conditions improved, would you want kids?", for example?
It still seems like there are a fair amount of assumptions being made -- I mean, maybe she doesn't know what she really thinks, either. Talking together seems to be important at this point to help decide what to do next. Quite possibly with the assistance of a professional.
Good luck.
Yes I did just recently. She has totally given up on having kids. Now I prefer to encourage her to aggressively get to the bottom of her migraine instead of harping on the topic that keeps her down.
I have to speak up to say that kids or not, as an issue, and relationship matters, as an issue, don't cause the migraines. Some people are physically predisposed to them. Many women have them in relation to their monthly cycle, though that is not true for all who get them, all the time, as men get them too and I suppose some women get them unrelated at all to cycles. Stress may be a trigger, but lots of folks have stress, and guilt for, and even avoidance of stress, seems to be counterproductive to me. She should see a compentent internist or neurologist about the migraines and get them under control, aside from whether or not you two stay together and have children or not.
