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Sat 22 Jan, 2005 03:10 pm
Hi guys,
Wanted your input on something. I've known a girl for over 1.5 years now and I do not know what to make of her actions. I should be old enough to know how to approach someone but this is really hard so I thought it would be handy hear some women's opinion.
I got to know her since we're majoring in the same field on my campus, and met through a mentor program (her and another student being mentors for us freshmen). So the first time I saw her she did this peculiar thing, she kept looking at me, always returning and holding her gaze. I didn't think much of it back then, I wasn't interested but it happened again during a lab session she assisted, she kept staring at me. And, well, interest sparks interest so I eventually started going to our mentoring meetings to see her.
When we (student repr and teachers) went away for a day (I'm involved in study administrative stuff too, so is she) for a conference and well, we got together and were talking so we came onto the topic that she was going abroad later that year, with her boyfriend. I was seeing someone else at that time so I didn't really mind, but since she had said that the conversation died. Peculiar that.
Same at the term start, running into her at the supermarket and she seemed so happy to see me, and offered a hug. She's always like that, so smiling, lovely and pretty and whenever it's me and her and not the regular people around she is warm like that but as soon as we're with the other students, at meetings, lectures and parties, she almost acts as if she didn't know me at all. This makes me very unsure of what to do or what to assume.
Refering to the subject, I could have misunderstood all of this and maybe she just wanted to be friendly, all this time.
She's also hanging out with a male student her year, they're friends or more, if he's her ex or whatever, I don't know. It's hard to say.
But there are all those details, like she mentioned how she would consider staying at campus to study for a PhD like it was something she mentioned for me to take notice or how she picks the seat next to me the times we've had dinners related to our work on the board or when we talk with others around how she is so intensive on it, like she spent energy, just being happy to talk to me.
So what could I possibly say or do to find out if there's any such interest returned? To make matters worse, she'll be out of town for the next four months so I won't be seeing her at all I guess.
She seems confused herself so the other day when I saw her I smiled as usual and was as I usually am around her, and also as a way of showing I still have that kind of interest. Maybe I should wait for her to come around. What do you guys think?
Been in a similar situation before with someone who had a bf (I don't know about this girl above) and we had something mutual but it never turned into anything, which I regret, and she's married now to someone else now (dammit!).
(I'm a male, so take it for what it's worth)
Sounds like there's definitely some attraction there, and she probably didn't want to act on it when she had a boyfriend.
Keep in mind that most women will wait for the man to make the first move.
However, you should just act flirty with her without being sleazy about it. Joke around with her, tease her about little things, get her to loosen up around you. Ask her indirect questions to find out if she has a boyfriend....or just ask her to get together with you for a drink/coffee/whatever.
You're attracted to her, so you may as well act on it before it's too late and she loses interest because you don't do anything about it.
Thanks for replying. So you think there's something real going on here? I have no idea whether she is still with someone or not.
I guess I should do something about it, I just don't see her that often and she's leaving in a week. Asking by email seems stupid. Guess all I can do is to hope I'll run into her before she leaves (slim chance that!).
Edit: Realizing now I do have her phone # so I could call. Would that be OK and not too intrusive?
over_the_edge, sounds like she's interested in you. I wonder if she's embarrassed to be seen with a younger fellow around her friends? That might explain some things.
Call her! She'll probably be happy to hear from you!
Actually, it's not age, we're the same age and she knows that, I'm just studying for my second degree while she's finishing her first.
Her odd behavior makes me think she has reasons she hasn't been more forthcoming, maybe a relationship or something else.
over_the_edge wrote:Actually, it's not age, we're the same age and she knows that, I'm just studying for my second degree while she's finishing her first.
Her odd behavior makes me think she has reasons she hasn't been more forthcoming, maybe a relationship or something else.
Well, so much for the "you're too young" theory.
I agree she does have some reason(s) for her behavior. She may be emotionally unstable, or have a Bad Secret you'd rather not know, or it could be something simple & harmless to you both.
You'll never know unless you ask. I still say, call her. One call doesn't make you a nuisance, and won't hurt anything in the long run.
If you have a gut feeling she's weird, esp. after your call, run! Plenty of other fish in the sea, as my grandma used to say...
Sorry but I'm male. Nevertheless I'll offer an opinion. She's got a boyfriend. She's been seen with another guy. Options are open. She's window shopping. There's nothing wrong with that. Don't try to commit to anything as you'll probably notice her checking out other guys as well. As long as your eyes are open go ahead and have fun.
Emotionally unstable, maybe but I doubt it. Just unsure what to make of her actions and it's awkward when you misread these things. Still a relief when you have actually asked.
First off, it's not weird to ask for her email, it's actually a good method...very non-foward, and the chances of her replying to an email rather than a phone call is greater. I absolutely wouldn't call her out of the blue unless you tell her you're going to call.
Look, don't come out to her and say a "I like you...do you like me?" type of thing. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO is ask her out for a beverage, very casual get together, and take it from there.
LOL! I got her her email addy already, it's a sure method but it seems rather stupid. Calling out of the blue seems weird too, I agree.
Last time I emailed her to set up a meeting (formal) it took her over a week to reply so I'm hesitant to do so again. But I've never called her before so it would be even more of a surprise. She's leaving on Thu but will be back here from time to time during the next four months so I guess I could email and tell her it would be cool to meet up when she's in town again.
It does sound a bit cheesy, emailing rather than calling, but think of it: which is easier to respond to? Listen to me man, I've f'd up more times with women than anyone, but that means I try.
Slappy he asked for a woman's opinion.
Wearing a dress and blowing strangers in the bathroom at the bus station doesn't qualify. Sorry to break it to you. By the way, my cousin Elmer says thanks.
Thanks.
I've come to realize a woman's opinion on what a woman thinks is absolutely worthless. That part of their brain doesn't function.
Anway, I have a message for Elmer: a considerate warning pat on the head would have helped. I almost choked.
So I should just email her and ask her out for a drink or coffee some day?
But I don't really understand the reason why email is better than calling. Harder to answer a phonecall... I don't get it. Either way works but it's kinda weird to call someone just like that.
My ex was a woman who took initiatives, makes things easier.
Here's the email/phonecall breakdown:
If this girl gives you her phonenumber, and knows you're going to call, by all means call.
Sounds like you just HAVE her number from a while ago, so a call is more intrusive than an email. Not that it's a BAD thing, calling, but...
If you email her, she's more likely to respond. It takes more guts to return a phone call than an email. It's a live conversation, a little more nerve-racking. An email is more informal.
If you do email her, and she gets back to you, don't turn it into a chain email for weeks. Email her once or twice back, use that to ask her out, or as a transition into a phone call where you can say "hey, Tuesday let's get together for a drink."
Make sense? Maybe I'm wrong, but it sounds like you're starting fresh with this girl even though you've known her for a while. That's why the email makes sense to me.
Yes, starting fresh or just reconing. I've been involved with someone else previously, after I get to know this girl, and I haven't felt like I wanted to act on it until now.
Whatever I do I think I should be careful. I think she wants me to act, she's done things that make me believe that, like being rather forthcoming and then done the opposite when I haven't acted in the manner she expected. It's just a hunch I have and I have learnt to trust my hunches. They are usually eerily accurate.
So stop reeking of wussiness and go for it.
You don't need any more female "friends," so stop acting like you do. Nothing wrong with hitting on someone.
Alright then. Wish me luck.
She's moving in with her boyfriend so I was totally off the hook. Surprising how you can misread things. My usual luck, or lack thereof. But thanks for the encouragement guys!
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