My pathetic love life...

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Quick recap in order to understand me better:

Nov 2003: Broke up with my first girlfriend. We had been together for a year and 4 months. One week later I meet a girl (L) who catches my eye.

Jan 2004: After a few dates, I ask L what are we. She tells me she likes me, but she doesn't want to be my rebound from my past relationship.

Feb 2004: A girl on my school flirts excessibly with me, she basically does everything but kiss me. I kiss her, but while our lips were together I was thinking of telling her I only wanted her for physical acts. I told her. That was it.

Apr 2004: I nerviously asked L to be my girlfriend. Didn't say anything else because words, I thought at the time, would only serve as a bribe. I wanted her to say yes not because she felt bad for me and my feelings, but for who I was. That didn't work.

May - July 2004: L gets a boyfriend, she thinks I don't want to keep going out with her (or at least that's what she tells me).

Aug 2004: L breaks up with boyfriend. I explain everything and I tell her that I do want to keep seeing her, we start going out again.

Nov 2004: Second I ask L to be my girlfriend. She responds with a "Let's see how that goes". That was good enough for me. I didn't see her for exactly one week. When I saw her again I wasn't motivated to talk, I wasn't feeling well and I thought that was the reason. The next day she tells me she didn't want to be my gf anymore, since the last time I saw her I really didn't have a good time, I said it's ok and tried to move on.

Jan 2005: Out of boredom I search profiles on an internet site. I find this girl who seems interesting and lives a 3 hours drive from here, we talk via MSN, she seems nice. I tell her I'm interested in meeting her to try out something. She responds that she'd like to meet me too, and nothing else. The next times I have found her online I have found her boring. So right now I don't know if I should go meet her or not.

It seems to me that I want what I can't have. I either:

a) find the girl boring, unintersting or not attractive
or
b) find a girl I like but think that she's too much for me

There are some theories about my situation going on my head. I would love to read something that somebody has to say.

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One could say, and one would probably be correct to say, that I often behave in a similar way. I'm interested in following this thread.

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It seems to me like your dating progression after the first girlfriend does not seem natural. Asking someone to be a girlfriend, and meeting people on the internet make it seem like you really just want someone.

You should reflect on why that is, and see if you can find more about yourself before you look for things in other people. Otherwise, you're going to continue these short term stints of finding flaws in everyone, or potentially chasing girls away by being too forward with a relationship (unnatural to a degree).

Good luck to you.

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Are you gentlemen looking for a succession of evenings, an lta or a lifetime?

By the by, why are you talking about "girls" as opposed to "women"?

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Joe's pretty young, himself.

Seems like something's up with L -- you're still hung up on her, you've idealized her to the point where regular interaction doesn't happen, you're scared of your feelings for her, something.

So while I agree with DestinysDad to a point, if you've gone since November 2003 without a girlfriend, I think you're comfortable enough being alone. I don't think your desire to have a girlfriend needs to be pathologized in that context.

One failed internet connection doesn't signify anything in particular, IMO -- sometimes they work, sometimes they don't, nothing wrong with the attempt.

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smog wrote:

One could say, and one would probably be correct to say, that I often behave in a similar way. I'm interested in following this thread.

Neither of you are alone in that! It seems all too familiar - that sense of trying to achieve something you want but getting all lost and tied up in an attempt ot get there!

KP

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Joe how old are you?

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When I was younger I rejected many men because I thought they were boring. I've discovered since that nobody is all that boring. I'd dump some "nice guy" for a "bad boy," and usually regret it later.

I also thought my husband was boring, maybe just shallow, for the first 6 months or so of our relationship. He was more shy than anything else, and once he felt more comfortable, he became intensely interesting to me.

I think you may as well meet the "boring" internet girl. If you still find her boring after meeting, you can chalk it up to experience, and maybe be more confident next time. If she turns out to be interesting, so much the better.

I think it's a good idea to use the internet to meet people. If nothing else, it should help you build confidence when meeting new people. And if you think a girl (woman?) is too much for you, keep in mind she may well be thinking the same thing about you. You never know.

I say, Go for it!

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Re: My pathetic love life...

JoeFX wrote:

Feb 2004: A girl on my school flirts excessibly with me, she basically does everything but kiss me. I kiss her, but while our lips were together I was thinking of telling her I only wanted her for physical acts. I told her. That was it.

Congrats on being honest......most guys will just do it and end up hurting the girl in the end. It's better to be upfront. Even if you didn't get the action this time.

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Was just getting ready to say what Kristi said.

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roger wrote:

Was just getting ready to say what Kristi said.

The rat and the green, gay guy think alike. Very Happy

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I totally disagree with what Kristie said.

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I'm 19 so I'm not looking for a lifetime relationship. I want a partner.

I have days in which I'm pretty comfortable being alone. But sometimes I get desperated or just plain horny and that's when the problems seem to start. If I haven't had a girlfriend since more than a year ago, it's because L has turned me down twice.

That's why I was interested in internet girl (M) in the first place, I don't want a long distance relationship.

sozobe's hit right on target with L's assumptions. All of them are correct. We haven't talked since a month or two and I'm still thinking of her.

Kristie and Roger:
Thanks. I intend to continue being honest even if that doesn't help most of the times.

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Of course. But you do want a partner, so don't make it sound like you're looking for a toy. Be honest, but don't overstate the case, either.

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kickycan wrote:

I totally disagree with what Kristie said.

WHAT??!!

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After L!

Find her, talk to her, come to some sort of resolution, go from there. The resolution might be that you'll give it another try -- and this time you'll be more honest about your feelings -- or the resolution might be nope, not gonna work, absolutely not, and then you can close that chapter.

(Is she the girl in that cool pic you took, laying on the car?)

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JoeFX wrote:

I'm 19 so I'm not looking for a lifetime relationship. I want a partner.

I have days in which I'm pretty comfortable being alone. But sometimes I get desperated or just plain horny and that's when the problems seem to start. If I haven't had a girlfriend since more than a year ago, it's because L has turned me down twice.

That's why I was interested in internet girl (M) in the first place, I don't want a long distance relationship.

sozobe's hit right on target with L's assumptions. All of them are correct. We haven't talked since a month or two and I'm still thinking of her.

Kristie and Roger:
Thanks. I intend to continue being honest even if that doesn't help most of the times.

Well Joe, I am twenty and I have some friends (that are women) that don't want serious relationships either but are lonely... wink wink... hehe :wink:

Seriously though, I like a guy that can approach me but that isn't cocky, say something funny and you'll get any girl intruiged in you (well most girls)_

ALSO about L, if she hasn't come around yet, most likely she won't or you will be waiting awhile till she does, try not to think of her as much and go out and meet new people (not online, you need that eye to eye connection) you will find someone who gives you more of an amazing feeling then L does..

Good luck!

Good things come to those who wait! Laughing

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Kristie wrote:

kickycan wrote:
I totally disagree with what Kristie said.

WHAT??!!

Yeah, I disagree. Maybe not totally, but here's my take. Honesty is great, but there's a difference between being totally honest, and sabotaging your chances right from the start.

Joe was flirting with this girl, and getting somewhere with her. Then he decides to open up and tell her he only wants sex. If she asked, then I might say yeah, go ahead and tell her, but he went out of his way to bring up this information. Would Joe also be right in describing how he likes to masturbate, and the color and texture of his latest dump? That's honest too, isn't it?

All I'm saying is that you don't have to volunteer something like that until it comes up, and even then, you don't have to put it in such a way that it makes you look bad.

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But all he wanted was sex. Point blank. Had they dated a bit, gotten jiggy and THEN he told her, she would have been hurt and felt used.

In situations such as this, it's best to just say, "listen, I'm just lookin' for no stings attached sex."

And why wouldn't she want to know the color and texture of his last dump? That is every girls dream guy....

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hey my boyfriend tells me in detail about his bowel movements and I am still with him! His last one was watery diahrehha (jk) yummy

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My pathetic love life...

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