Let's see...you think she's "completely beautiful, inside and out". You don't know where she stands right now, and you want to. You have a telephone. She has a telephone. I think I see a way out of this...
I mean, call her if you want to. She's obviously not aggressive.
Thing that sucks, is you know she's got some serious insecurities...and a girl like that is no fun in the long term. Think of it...if she was your girlfriend, and you take her to family functions, and she just sits there like a doll, not saying a word. Or think of how her insecurities will come out in other ways, jealousy, ect.
It's one thing to be quiet and reserved, but when she can't simply carry a conversation, or open up at all because she looks down on herself, and nothing she does is good enough? Red flag.
That's just me, I've figured out I can't be with a girl like that.
I think you should lay your cards on the table. Tell her how you feel, ask her how she feels, ask if she'll ever feel more comfortable communicating as she gets to know you better.
Then again, I was pretty self-defeating when I was 17, so that's probably normal.
Being shy, desperate, awkward, lonely, and confused are all perfectly normal, in my opinion, for folks in their teens.
Kicky's right--call her. You can't know how she feels unless you ask.
Good luck to you both!
Okay, so I called her. After alot of random talking, I told her how I felt, and I told her that I kind of 'missed the point' so to say on Monday when we went out. She said "I don't know" a grand total of about 90 times during this conversation. She said that she still did have feelings for me, BUT she sees us as friends...
I asked her if she wanted to come out with me and she said that she's really really busy, which is true, I mean our exams are coming up very soon... She didn't say no, I'm pretty sure she meant it.. So we could probably do something small like after school go somewhere, but I'm pretty sure about one thing.. I have to make my intentions clear from now on I guess.. .
Mozaiik, give her time and don't push her to fast. I know its hard to be around someone that is shy, I have trouble with that myself. I'm open, blunt and never meet a stranger, so when I come across someone that doesn't talk, its hard. I agree with Panzade, just keep steering the conversation her way. Ask her what her favorite songs are...etc. Point out things to talk about...take her for a walk, ask her if she'll let you hold her hand. Just be patient....if it was meant to be, it will be.
Yeah... The majority of me (
) is telling me that okay, she has feelings for me, and she is a bit confused as to HOW we stand, so I should make it clear now.. I'll give her a big, warm hug next time I see her and go from there.. let her know that we're still friends, but I am willing and ready to venture further.. This has been discussed verbally a few times between us but the physical intimacy hasnt really been there, because we're always in school and neither of us are fans of gossip, and you know how it can get when you're in school. This is part of it anyway, but it does go deeper. ugh. But then some of you guys are telling me to take it really easy and slow.
Well Mozaiik..my definition of slow is give her a few weeks and see if she warms up. If after a month, things haven't progressed, I'd probably just leave it at a friendship level and push no further.
It seems you entered into this friendship gracefully, sooooo if it doesn't go any further,...stay the gentleman you have been.
Oh man.
I'll respond later.
I'm kind of getting sick of this. I've liked her for such a long time, and I'm beginning to get a bit frustrated. We have feelings for each other, so why aren't we together? This is too complicated. I think about this situation too much, like during the day I think about this SO much. I'd like for it to settle down, you know? I'd rather be thinking about other things during the day, like actually enjoy myself instead of wondering what is going to happen.
Thank God I found this thread! I am having a similar problem...
Same type of deal, but this girl lives a street over from me. We see and talk to eachother on the bus everyday. One day I decided to ask her out, she said ya. About a week later I broke it off because she woulden't say ANYTHING to me.
Now a week later, she writes me a note, gets on the bus, hands it to me, then literally runs away. It explained how she liked me and wanted to be toether and how she was sorry for being shy. So OK, we went back out.
Now jump to now... we've been together a few months and things are ok. She's not as shy as your girl, but she is still shy. It's hard to get her talking, and she has an annoying habit of starting to talk then turning away from me and talking... so I can't hear a word she's saying.
One day I asked her if I made her happy. She said "I dunno". Later I asked her if she thinks she picked a good first boyfriend... she said "I dunno". I mean wtf kind of answer is "I dunno"? I'm not sure if she knows what I feel like when I ask her things like that and she tells me she doesn't know.
Another thing she is shy with... after a few months of being together I'm still not allowed to be alone with her. This is mostelly because of her mother, but it seems as if she doesn't want to either. She always wants to go out somewhere and that's fine, but she can't show any type of compassion. I mean really what teens don't want to be "close" to eachother? I don't mean like sex... but anything else. I so badely want to sit there with her in the dark, just giving eachother tender little kisses, etc. I was previouselly in a 2 year relationship and i'm used to quite a bit of compassion, but with this girl she won't show any compassion.
It's like I try to give her loving hugs and kisses and she seems to not really like it. I asked her one day and once again "I dunno".
Another factor I must consider with her and the above situation is that when she was young she was molested by her dad, and her mom has had 5 husbands/divorces and goes out with a TON of guys. I'm not sure exactelly how much this effects her self image and how comfy she is letting a guy close to her (physically and emotionally).
My advice to you... play it out. I know it's hard, i'm doing it right now, but I know that breaking it off won't do any good, playing it out can't hurt. I know EXACTELLY how you feel, thinking about it everyday, but you gotta try to hang in there and do all you can if you really want to be in a comfy relationship with her.
About a month's passed since our date and im still thinking of her. She said that she was confused as to what our relationship exactly was after our date. It was my first, and i wasn't used to that whole ' making moves' thing. It seemed so false to be doing it at the time so i avoided it. Every once anda while I find myself saying, "ugh you idiot" because that exact thing i wanted to do so badly is what was missing. i hATE regret. Whatever... I've learned that some girls have no idea what they want, and half the time there are 39483498 different factors that ultimately decide what they tell you, so I'm gonna just give it one more try, with boldness this time. I dont have anything to lose. .
wont open up to me
It seems to be a common problem. I recently hooked up with an eighteen year old at this party, (it's ok I'm only 20) and at the time we were both totally hammered and we totally clicked. I've been talking to her regularly now for a month, but she is sooo shy, I feel like I've only known her for a couple of days. She is a really sweet and sexy, but I don't want the only time we click to be when we're faded. I put a lot of effort into making this work, and I receive no effort from her. She just got out of a really nasty relationship, and I know she likes me. I don't know how much longer I can put up with this. I think the best thing to do for us guys w/ shy girls is to lay it all out on the table, and let them know that a relationship consists of two people, both need to give a little for it to work. I'm human too, I need a little feedback every onceinawhile.
I figured if I give it time, she will gradually grow more comfortable with me. A month has gone by now and we've only seem to grow apart. If I don't call her she would probably let this die out.
Girls aren't mind readers. Contact her out-right. If she is shy, she might feel as though she is bothering you.
Its easy for a woman to get mixed messages.
