Dead Baby Jokes

Quoth the Panzade: Nevermore

I know yer young there, Child of the Light, and I grew up on sick jokes, but I daren't post any more of dem dead baby jokes here. Maybe I'm getting old...I will offer this slightly more politically correct baby joke:

Why are test tube babies the most beautiful ones?
Because they're hand made.

I think they are hilarious, but I'm kinda twisted...

The wife and I are trying to have kids...I'm not supposed to laugh at these sort of jokes, heh heh. Hey, if you want to check out a seriously twisted but funny move, in a dark sort of way, you should check out Man Bites Dog, in French with subtitles, but worth getting. Amazon has it selling cheap. Here is the link to IMDB: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0103905/

Awesome, I'll definitely check out Man Bites Dog. Most people are uptight when it comes to Dead Baby Jokes, which is understandable, but it is good to encounter that special breed that enjoys them.

Man Bites Dog is one of those movies that makes you laugh, and then go ****, that was just brutal and disturbing. It's also and interesting statement on the obsession of the media with heinous crimes, and making heroes out of serial killers. A must see.

Hah, Man Bites Dog was banned in Ireland. Awesome.

I'm still not sure if the original director's cut is availible in North America, but the theatrical release is good enough.

Okay....i don't really like dead baby jokes....but i can't resist......

What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a sports car? I don't have a sports car in my Garage.

Why did the dead baby cross the road?

It was stapled to a chicken.

I'm not sure how I feel making the dead baby thread go to two pages but as long as I'm here...

Whats red and silver and crawls into walls?

A baby with forks in its eyes.


I'm going to hell. <sigh>

Shock horror. I have heard of blonde jokes, wife jokes, senior citizen jokes etc, but I have honestly never heard of dead baby jokes before. Am i missing out? I must admit, i think not.

This is sooo wrong.

MUUAHAHAAHAHAAAA!!!

How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ?
Nail its other hand to the floor.

What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs hanging on your wall?
Art.

What's blue and flies around the room at high speeds?
A baby with a punctured lung.

How do you know when a baby is a dead baby?
The dog plays with it more.

What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs in a swimming pool?
Bob

What's blue and thrashes about on the floor?
A baby playing in a plastic bag.

How many babies does it take to paint a house?
Depends how hard you throw them.

What's purple, covered in pus and squeals?
A peeled baby in a bag of salt.

What's the difference between a bucket of gravel and a bucket of baby guts?
You can't gargle gravel.

What gets louder as it gets smaller?
A baby in a trash compactor.

What's the difference between a Dead Baby and a tree?
One is legal to hit with an AXE.

What do you get when you have sex with a pregnant woman?
A baby with a black eye!

How do you get 100 babies into a bucket?
With a blender!

How do you get them out again?
With tortilla chips!!!

What's more fun than strapping a baby to a clothesline and then spinning it around at 200km/h?
Stopping it with a shovel.

What's the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of dead babies?
You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.

Why did the dead baby cross the road?
It was chained to a bumper

What's the difference between a Cadillac and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a Cadillac in my garage.

What is pink and red and sits in a corner?
A baby chewing on razor blades.

What is green and sits in a corner?
The same baby, six weeks later.

What is red and creeps up your leg?
A homesick abortion.

What's red and lies in all four corners of the room?
A baby that's been playing with a chainsaw.

What does a blind, deaf, quadriplegic baby can get for Christmas ?
Cancer.

How are babies and the elderly alike?
Both are fun to throw out of moving cars.

How do you prevent a baby from exploding in the microwave?
Poke holes in it with a coat hanger.

What is red and pink and can't turn round in a corridor?
A baby with a javelin through its throat.

What's red, bubbly, and scratches at the window before exploding?
A baby in a microwave.

What has 4 legs and one arm?
A Doberman in a children's playground!

What's harder to do than nailing a baby to a tree?
Nailing it to a dead puppy.

What do you get when you put a dead baby in a blender?
Hold on. I'll tell you in a second.

What's the difference between a dead baby and an onion.
You don't cry when you chop up a dead baby.

What sits in the kitchen and keeps getting smaller and smaller?
A baby combing it's hair with a potato peeler!

How do you make a dead baby float?
Two scoops of ice cream, one scoop of dead baby.

What's bright blue, pink, and sizzles?
A baby trying to breast feed from an electrical outlet.

Why did the toddler drop it's lollipop?
It was hit by a truck.

The one that made me laugh the hardest:
Why did the baby fall out of the tree?
Because he was dead!

Damn, I hadn't heard a few of those, they never fail to make you feel hellbound...

And the most disturbing one of all:


What is the difference between an apple and a dead baby?

I dont cum on an apple before I take a bite out of it.

What's the difference between a dead baby and my girlfriend?

I don't kiss my girlfriend after sex..

Hmmm, I get railed for posting an article about a man who has sex with calves and you get to post horrifying jokes like this and no one says a word.

Nice world we live in. Perhaps it is me. Hm. Now THERE is a thought!

How dare you try to initiate that railing...

Here's a thought, people see the horrible title and assume the jokes are horrible and stay away, but you on the other hand, came in to stir the pot. If the title thing isn't enough, I prefaced the jokes with a bit of a warning.

Again, how dare you...