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I still love my ex after a year what should I do?

 
 
jas1234
 
Reply Fri 15 Dec, 2017 07:26 pm
I started dating this girl over a year ago after we had been friends for months and I knew right away as soon as I took her to her bus after that first date, I loved her. So we later made it official between us as 'boyfriend and girlfriend'. It was later after that we started having trouble because she started to talk of being trapped and I wasn't sure how to respond as she was my first girlfriend, and I had been solidly bullied for the past two years, so to think I was at fault is something I couldn't comprehend to have come from the best thing to ever happen to me.

It only escalated further from her feeling trapped, as she broke up with me over text while I was at a restaurant with my family, and I had never really felt true heart break until then. It was that same day that we decided to be 'friends with benefits' despite me still loving her to bits. This 'friends with benefits' dulled my pain a bit, but the thought of her with someone else intensified it tenfold. I finally let her in on all this in one rush of emotion and I think she understood so we went back to being in a relationship, which I think was her doing for my sake rather than anything to be mutually gained.

So, from there we went through a little more rough ground because I became deeply depressed and she was my little ray of sunshine in all this because she was the only thing that made me truly happy for months on end. I can freely admit I was a rubbish boyfriend as I became clingy with all that was going on and can see with absolute clarity now, that I may not have ticked all-if any of the boxes for a half decent boyfriend. Not long after that she broke up with me for a second time over text, this time during school, so me having a mental breakdown during a lesson must have been a sight to see, but I digress.

Everything I've said here was also taking place at the same time as our late night calls where we'd talk until the early hours of the morning if at all possible, never hanging up without telling the other how much we loved them. I can vividly remember the time I spent in Tenerife on the phone to her late at night, while she was trying to scrape the smallest bit of service or Wifi on her cruise.

While she was on holiday, I thought it would be a nice idea to write a little book of our memories together, through the thick and the thin. Which she then proceeded to mock with her friends, which hurt my already delicate soul.

Truth is I didn't deserve her and I was terrible in the relationship. As I reread this it appears that I have vented about her a little and that was not my intention, I just struggle to get all my feelings down in a comprehensible order.

Not long after this we started seeing other people but remained in contact, which made it worse as we talked about them pretending as if all was okay (I am still unsure whether she was in pretence or not). After some weeks of this I let out another flood of emotions to her which probably drove her away if anything else, but she responded nicely and we slowly began to stop talking.

This takes us to a few weeks from present, where I was with another girl but my heart was definitely not in it, but I couldn't work out where it was. Me and this other girl had been together for about 2 months and upon our mutual break up, I felt absolutely nothing. I tried hard to convince myself that there was an element of freedom but still felt nothing.

This now leads us to present where I often finding myself looking at photos my old girlfriend and I took together and listening to songs that remind me of her and watching videos of us laughing on the beach.

I'm sorry for this long ramble to anyone who has read to here. I would appreciate any response just to get another's opinion on my situation, and if I should act on my feelings and contact her or not. I do also see the fault in my clingy pathetic ways and have 'manned-up' a bit, so I'm convinced I could do a better job if she'd give me a third chance....
 
View best answer, chosen by jas1234
bunnyhabit
 
  0  
Reply Fri 15 Dec, 2017 11:36 pm
@jas1234,
This appears as a difficult relationship between a weak guy and strong self centered woman. You need to change your personality with her to succeed. She looking for a strong dominant partner and will bully a weak clingy lovesick soul like you.

it doesn't appear you communicate well other than displaying your weaknesses openly to her.

you need to become a strong self confident man to attain her love. most woman including me like bad boys note wimpy lovers. if you can't meet this challenge you should forget her and find someone new. having experienced only one relationship puts you at a disadvantage. it may be wise to date a few domainate women before you attempt to regain a relationship with your first love.

if you just continue to chase her as in past and allow her to bully you your future is bleak.

you need to man up and become the leader not the follower in this toxic relationship to have any success.

i would just move on to someone new but apparently you are incapable to do this.

i would be interested in your plans for the future and level of success.

sincerely bunnyhabit
PUNKEY
  Selected Answer
 
  2  
Reply Sat 16 Dec, 2017 06:45 am
@jas1234,
Why would you want to go back and try to fix something that was never right from the first? Seriously, re- read your own post.

You have changed and think you have learned how to be a better partner. Good. Now find a fresh love to try out the "new you."

Sitting around playing old songs and mooning over old photos will only bring you down. You seem stuck in the past. You may be in a depression. Talk to your Dr.
0 Replies
 
centrox
 
  2  
Reply Sat 16 Dec, 2017 07:01 am
@bunnyhabit ,
bunnyhabit wrote:
you need to man up and become the leader

No he doesn't. He needs to find a nice woman who does not have that stupid set of values. They do exist. "Man up" my ass.


0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  3  
Reply Sat 16 Dec, 2017 08:11 am
@jas1234,
Cut all ties with her; she's toxic. Once you've distanced yourself for a while, you'll be better able to see that.

In the meantime, seriously consider counseling, why you would allow yourself to be treated that way in the first place and, just as importantly, why you would think it was a good idea to try to go back to that.
0 Replies
 
CameronD
 
  2  
Reply Tue 19 Dec, 2017 04:18 am
@jas1234,
your inferiority is killing you more than your relation.
You need to gather some motivation.
go. get some good books. invest your time in building yourself. you had rather been a friend to her than the "benefit" term.
these sort of attractions only kill the person in you.
get some aim. focus on yourself. you will find a lot more better people in future. Every person is replaceable. she replaced you with someone. go, build yourself, someone better will find you more suitable.
first go and read about elon musk.
0 Replies
 
amoljoshi
 
  0  
Reply Wed 21 Feb, 2018 06:10 am
@jas1234,
This generation relationship status will be always complicated. It is so popular that even Facebook made it one of the options to select. Because the perspective of a relationship has changed. Boys meet girls they date they marry and they love happily ever after. Date part has become extremely non- committal. This is why we talk about relationship label . If your confused about your relationship status. Labeling kind of works like that it bumps you to the next expectation level, and with expectations come disappointments.
0 Replies
 
neptuneblue
 
  1  
Reply Thu 22 Feb, 2018 11:40 am
@jas1234,
You really want to know what the truth is?

The truth is, you experienced Love, and it's over now. Yes, it's clique and hurtful and feels like the pain will never end. But it does, it takes some time, but it does goes away. I think you're young. Getting rejected by text has got to be the worst and I'm sorry that happened.

I think you're being rather hard on yourself when you say you didn't deserve her and was a bad boyfriend. The purpose of dating is to see whether compatibility can extend into the future. You found out that this particular relationship won't last. Instead of dwelling on the negative, focus on the positive. You seem to be reflective on your actions to contribute to the end of the relationship.

It also seems you're making excuses for her poor judgement and actions. Seriously, breaking up by text? That's just immature and shows lack of communication skills that she couldn't face you directly to end a relationship. Continuing to use you as a fwb even though she knew you felt much more for her shows her indifference to you.

This was your first real Love. There's going to be many, many others in your lifetime. So don't sweat it. Put away the pictures, tuck the memories in and go live your life in the best way possible for you. Let go of the past and embrace the future. Vow to focus on your education, getting a job, go volunteer, take up a new hobby.

In your closing, you referred to a third chance. Make the third attempt to focusing on being a better you. Take time out of dating to find who you are and give yourself that chance. You won't regret the time.
0 Replies
 
Wabber
 
  -1  
Reply Thu 22 Feb, 2018 02:16 pm
@jas1234,
Maybe you should tell him about your feelings.
0 Replies
 
 

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