I still love my ex after a year what should I do?

I started dating this girl over a year ago after we had been friends for months and I knew right away as soon as I took her to her bus after that first date, I loved her. So we later made it official between us as 'boyfriend and girlfriend'. It was later after that we started having trouble because she started to talk of being trapped and I wasn't sure how to respond as she was my first girlfriend, and I had been solidly bullied for the past two years, so to think I was at fault is something I couldn't comprehend to have come from the best thing to ever happen to me.

It only escalated further from her feeling trapped, as she broke up with me over text while I was at a restaurant with my family, and I had never really felt true heart break until then. It was that same day that we decided to be 'friends with benefits' despite me still loving her to bits. This 'friends with benefits' dulled my pain a bit, but the thought of her with someone else intensified it tenfold. I finally let her in on all this in one rush of emotion and I think she understood so we went back to being in a relationship, which I think was her doing for my sake rather than anything to be mutually gained.

So, from there we went through a little more rough ground because I became deeply depressed and she was my little ray of sunshine in all this because she was the only thing that made me truly happy for months on end. I can freely admit I was a rubbish boyfriend as I became clingy with all that was going on and can see with absolute clarity now, that I may not have ticked all-if any of the boxes for a half decent boyfriend. Not long after that she broke up with me for a second time over text, this time during school, so me having a mental breakdown during a lesson must have been a sight to see, but I digress.

Everything I've said here was also taking place at the same time as our late night calls where we'd talk until the early hours of the morning if at all possible, never hanging up without telling the other how much we loved them. I can vividly remember the time I spent in Tenerife on the phone to her late at night, while she was trying to scrape the smallest bit of service or Wifi on her cruise.

While she was on holiday, I thought it would be a nice idea to write a little book of our memories together, through the thick and the thin. Which she then proceeded to mock with her friends, which hurt my already delicate soul.

Truth is I didn't deserve her and I was terrible in the relationship. As I reread this it appears that I have vented about her a little and that was not my intention, I just struggle to get all my feelings down in a comprehensible order.

Not long after this we started seeing other people but remained in contact, which made it worse as we talked about them pretending as if all was okay (I am still unsure whether she was in pretence or not). After some weeks of this I let out another flood of emotions to her which probably drove her away if anything else, but she responded nicely and we slowly began to stop talking.

This takes us to a few weeks from present, where I was with another girl but my heart was definitely not in it, but I couldn't work out where it was. Me and this other girl had been together for about 2 months and upon our mutual break up, I felt absolutely nothing. I tried hard to convince myself that there was an element of freedom but still felt nothing.

This now leads us to present where I often finding myself looking at photos my old girlfriend and I took together and listening to songs that remind me of her and watching videos of us laughing on the beach.

I'm sorry for this long ramble to anyone who has read to here. I would appreciate any response just to get another's opinion on my situation, and if I should act on my feelings and contact her or not. I do also see the fault in my clingy pathetic ways and have 'manned-up' a bit, so I'm convinced I could do a better job if she'd give me a third chance....