AA Meetings

Seek sobriety find serenity.

I have this strange idea that serenity is just another "high" an addiction, another drug that replaces alcohol.

It is another train... I have hopped from one train going downtown onto another train going uptown.

Serenity is another "fix".

And if I do the 12 steps, my reward will be another kind of buzz.
I am addicted to the new serenity drug.

The side effects are, a new outlook on life, a higher state of consciousness and "a new happiness".

I guess it is really the reverse of things that brings serenity.

I call serenity, "relief".

Maybe relief is not serenity and serenity is something I have yet to attain but I do feel a lot better about myself .

I do not feel the same struggle that others seem to be going through.

I don't think about killing myself, I don't think about drinking except sometimes in my sleep. I don't feel highs and lows. Just highs.

I have had terrible trauma in my life and sometimes it makes me sad and I even cry, but I feel this is a natural and necessary part of life. I would not call it "depression"... I don't feel the need for any meds. I do have a lot of back pain but I have learned to live with it.

Sometimes I just cannot relate to some of the people in AA but at other times I see myself in their personal stories and that is enough to know I need to keep going to meetings.

Some of them say they cannot remember anything from the time when they drank. Others say they never got anything accomplished while they were drinking.

I was not blacked out most of the time and I accomplished a lifetime of art with my music which I "never" created while drinking, I saved drinking for after my work was done. I raised children and they came out pretty good too. I always worked hard.

But it was the unknown that could occur every time I would drink and that was enough for me to want to quit it all entirely. The unknown progressed and got more unruly.

I did not have any withdrawal symptoms other than drunk dreams. I did not go to therapy or an institution to dry out.

But I do feel that it is the AA group that helped me to accomplish my sobriety.

I need a better drug anyway and serenity is natural and inspired by good deeds.

I do feel that I am able to focus my thoughts a lot better. When I was drinking my thoughts were all over the place. Now they seem rock solid and serenity does not really feel like a drug but more like normality is more satisfying an experience.

Still at it staying sober and living life with better options.

I really have not looked back much and I attend AA usually once a week.

I love the people there and I cross my fingers (avoiding cross talk) that I can get along with everyone there.

I find the best thing is not talk about people behind their back and that is really the only way to be safe and not have things I say twisted and used against me.

It is best to talk behind my own back and get myself right and leave others to do the same when my opinion is not requested.

Even when my opinion is requested I need to be as kind as possible and let people sometimes figure things out on their own.

It is hard to stay on the good side of friends when sometimes all they want is to get angry.

They should know themselves better than I do.

The veterans at AA sure have a lot to share even the new people share a lot of valuable lessons. I am just keeping to myself and mostly learning from others, one day at a time.

one hour and one day at a time

__

it is good to read these peaceful updates from you

Thank you EhBeth, it is nice to have something good to share.

Every hour and every day is a new chance to become more focused and learn to be more peaceful with others.

It can be useful to look back from time to time and remember the struggles but brighter days are here and still yet to come.

I am inspired by many things and I feel I have it easy at times but I do not take this for granted..

AA again tonight.

I am blessed to have this chance for happiness.

Best to you and much peace indeed!

AA tonight, always a good thing.

I got my nine month chip tonight at AA.

Sober life is good and highly underrated!

Good on you! You're doing it, moment by moment, life happening event by life happening event. You've located a path to serenity.

What a nice way of phrasing that Sturgis.

Every step is a blessing, be it a resistant thought to drinking or another day sober.

I received my 10 month chip at AA. One day at a time and I am fine; booze, drug and chem free! <3

That is lovely news.

I hope that the autumn is treating you well -that you are getting out and enjoying the beautiful harvest season.

Autumn is treating me well indeed, I hope your are enjoying this season also EhBeth. I am in the process of moving from one apartment to another so I have been busy; but all is fine and every day is even more of an improvement in my life. Take care and thanks for your encouraging comment.

I am enjoying it - beautiful apples and carrots and onions - it's my favourite time of year for markets ... and cooking.

I'm looking forward to putting together some wonderful root veggie stews

This journey you are taking is inspirational for me and others.....I'm very happy to know you have been so successful.

Good to read your sobriety update. It gives me renewed energy as well.
Much obliged, Cobbler.

Here is another update and some of my thoughts on how things are going and what I am thinking.

I have had a traumatic life in general, I will not go into details but I have spent many of those terrible times under the influence of alcohol and drugs.

They have always magnified my sorrow and caused me to do and say untoward things in trying to express my overwhelming grief and sadness.

I just last night received my 11 month chip at AA.

I informed the meeting chairperson that I would be up for my 12 month chip next month and please arrange a ceremony.

I said I would not be willing to make a speech though for personal reasons.

I overheard a person whisper to them that, that was a cop out.

I don't care what people say or think sometimes...

I recently heard the unfortunate news that a friend of mine fell off the wagon and collapsed in her laundry room they found her three days later and she stayed in a coma for a month before she died.

Her best friend (one of my ex boyfriends) died of a heroin overdose a month later.

I am so glad I am going thorough this news sober, otherwise, I would be a wreck on the verge of my own crisis...

Instead I have been dieting and lost 20 lbs in perfect health and fitness.

A friend of mind told me he does not attend AA because the people there are not very intelligent... He loves to say he quit counting his years of sobriety after ten years. I think this is why I smell liquor on his breath about once a week.

If I wanted intelligent people I would go to a democratic convention or spend an hour on Google.

I want and need "emotional intelligence" not a library of endless facts but something with a heartbeat and a feeling of belonging.

Maybe somewhere in that AA crowd is my future soul mate and I do not feel comfortable exposing myself and creating a persona that he may not want to stand beside. Sure it is me.. but some giants are better left sleeping.

Love you all!

Glad things are progressing well for you. 11 months is, as you know, a long time and huge accomplishment for an alcoholic. Especially one who is just getting started on the sobriety trail.

Good on you for not paying mind to those who say you are copping out by not speaking. I know several folks who never speak at meetings and a number of others who only say something once a year when they announce an anniversary. They have remained sober and happy.

Further, as stated in the A.A. Preamble, the only requirement for membership is "a desire to stop drinking'. It doesn't say anything about speaking in front of your fellows. You proceed in the manner in which you are comfortable and able to maintain sobriety. It's your sobriety, not theirs.

You summed it up very well by indicating that "emotional intelligence" is what you want and need. That far outweighs any level of intellect achieved through books. Some of the so called brightest individuals over the years have been unable to grasp sobriety and its amazing simplicity.

Thanks Sturgis for your words of edification...

Yesterday, I passed my one year mark of sobriety.

I will be celebrating and get my one year chip at the end of this month.

Lately the serenity prayer has been suck in my mind, it seems to me a reasonable prayer but sometimes I find that using "wisdom" to inhibit change can be defeating...

Change seems to come for the foolish-hearted who risk everything and wisdom seems only a placebo for defeat.

God grant me the foolishness needed to change what is impassable.

Where there is a will there is a way, even if wisdom seems against you.

Outside the Wall

All alone, or in two's
The ones who really love you
Walk up and down outside the wall
Some hand in hand
And some gathered together in bands
The bleeding hearts and the artists
Make their stand

And when they've given you their all
Some stagger and fall, after all it's not easy
Banging your heart against some mad bugger's wall

Pink Floyd

I'm so happy for you. I know we don't really know each other..but I find a deep sense of satisfaction seeing a familiar soul find peace. In particular from my past, I recall a terrible time when my spouse almost killed me....it was a terrible time......the only thing that shook me out of that desperate mode was when my mother called in the morning and asked "What the hell happened at your house last night" It's a long story, idiot husband showed up at my parents home with a broken hand and actually told them what happened....Mom sent him to the hospital, then called me........I really don't know if I would have had the strength to leave if she hadn't called and I had to explain it out loud...........I left and drove like a mad women to their house and never set foot under the same roof with him again......He came back to my parents house and begged me to come home.....but, it was too late...the truth had come out of my mouth and there was no turning back.....He asked me what I wanted and all I could tell him was I just needed peace of mind.....
I know this isn't the same as drinking, but that marriage was killing me and left me without hope. I was beaten, just whipped, defeated. So in a lot of ways it's the same....my life was killing me...I was always afraid...getting away from him saved my life.
What you have done is save your own life...again, I'm so pleased for you...if you can choose peace of mind over misery..you are a winner.
Good luck and peace to you.

I hope this helps, you're not alone.

I am so happy you have found peace too Glitter.

It makes me very sad to hear of your struggles, yet I am uplifted by your courage and remarkable resolve.

I have found peace leaving behind my own failures and the failures of others whom I did not have the immediate sense to get away from.

Every day is better now and I have a chance to really find a good life.

I have always been a good person who needed to "grow up"...

I feel like I have matured in so many ways; spiritually, emotionally and intellectually... Perhaps, I will look back on this time in the future and debate that assessment.

I just know that the random craziness has been replaced by calm, cool and collective rational.

I like the new me and yes, it is peace, serenity or "relief" but it goes well on me.

Thank you for your heart-full testimony...

I am truly humbled by the goodness all around that I was quite insensitive to.

Out with the bad and in with the good.

Like a heavy weight has been lifted and I have risen and can now see the clouds, blue sky and a vista of such great awe...