Reply Mon 11 Dec, 2017 04:12 am
Last night I got my red chip for one month.

Tired of trying to go it on my own and failing.

The people there are so nice.

I hope I do not drive them away like I do with a lot of other friends.

I am trying to listen and absorb what I can learn.

Maybe I will talk once I feel comfortable with that idea.

They have helped me hang on to sobriety, that is all know.

My higher power is the sun, so that is my work around on that issue.

My wish for the new year is to maintain sobriety, "one day at a time"..

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Reply Mon 11 Dec, 2017 04:19 am
For what this is worth, I sincerely wish you the best of luck in continuing with the program. I know several people who still attend AA meetings after some years of sobriety as both a safeguard against relapse and as a means of keeping in touch with people they truly like. I respect them and I respect you.
Reply Mon 11 Dec, 2017 04:33 am
Thank you Blatham.

Life is better...

Reply Mon 11 Dec, 2017 05:48 am
What a voice. I know you posted that as a metaphor for you struggle and I appreciate that. Life can be ******* tough at times, challenging, frightening, sad... all those things.

But I was also thinking as I re-listened to this wonderful Cooke song about how incredibly impoverished western culture and arts would be without the African American influence.
Reply Mon 11 Dec, 2017 07:08 am
That is very true, all the races add up to a beautiful whole.

Without our black brothers and sisters our world would be greatly lacking.

Racism is simply inconceivable.
Reply Mon 11 Dec, 2017 09:01 am
Good for you!

While in a drunken condition, someone once said to me, "Glennn, if you don't want to drink, then you don't have to." Believe it or not, as simple as that sounded, it struck me in a way that nothing else up to that point had struck me. It reminded me that I have a say in the situation that existed between me and alcohol.

On day at a time is exactly right because there is only the moment and nothing else . . . if you want it.
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Reply Mon 11 Dec, 2017 09:04 am
We got your back dude. Very Happy #supportivehugs
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Reply Mon 11 Dec, 2017 09:28 am
That's awesome! I reckon at least some of your other friends have left because of the fact you were an alcoholic once upon a time. Now that you left that behind for you, and intend to keep it behind you, you will hopefully find it easier to make new friends or even reconnect with old ones.

Good luck with it all, and stay strong!
Reply Mon 11 Dec, 2017 09:40 am
One day at a time.

Much respect to you for your first month and for working on this.
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Reply Mon 11 Dec, 2017 01:34 pm
Becoming honest with myself has been hard. I don't even realize I am in denial sometimes. I have lost friends and even closer but the few who put up with me I am sure are relieved too.

Health reasons and the prospect of what could happen and making an ass of myself online have not been helpful in my life.

I am lucky I am able to quit without too much detox. I know this does not slow the progress of the disease.

I will be 55 next month, time to make a change.

If I let it, change is gonna come.

I tried alone, I could not maintain so I tried an LGBT AA meeting and things clicked, I really do want what they have.

I over think things, so I am just taking it slow and listening for now. Too proud to speak. People bear their hearts, and this is helping me with my own honesty.

Whatever their magic is, it is working.

I feel good and the drunk dreams are such a relief when I wake up and they are only dreams.

One month seems like so little a time.

Any amount of time is progress.

I have seen people with much more sobriety who are emotionally unstable and everyone at the meetings comfort them and no one is left uncared for.

I think I have found my home.

They are part of the reason why I have quit and the other part leaves much to be considered, reasoned and evaluated in my own time.

I have no desire to drink, I hope that remains a constant.

I can't see why it won't if I keep working the program and I am allowing the program to work for me.

Every day is a relief, if that is serentiy well, I am happy for it.

Every day a new beginning.

Life is working out for the better.

Thanks for the encouraging comments all!

I will let you know of my progress.

Reply Mon 11 Dec, 2017 02:44 pm
Glad to read this! Continue along day to day, taking small steps until your footing becomes surer.

First and foremost, be good to yourself.
Reply Mon 11 Dec, 2017 10:48 pm
Thanks Sturgis,

Making amends includes righting wrongs whenever possible... It may not seem like fun at the time but pride is not always right. Pride can interfere with recovery.

It is all part of the healing process.

I am lucky, that I woke up now rather than later.

I am a tough bird but it would have enventually even done me in.

Only the best kind of people will bear the worst kind of drama.

I hope you will never have to again say to yourselves, "He's drunk again".

Thanks for the support and putting up with a me that has often been way out of sorts.

Good times ahead.
Reply Mon 11 Dec, 2017 11:13 pm
I wish you success and happiness. I have a child who struggles with this and it wasn't until a combined family vacation that my child and I realized how serious this problem is. The child is not drinking right now, but really needs a more professional support system then just his parents. I'm truly happy you connected with a compatible group, but I also urge you to stick with it when it gets rough. There are many people on the forum who have gone thru this, please allow them to help you. This might be superfluous, but you know we have some dire negative assholes who will want to taunt you.....frankly, they can go f8ck themselves. They matter not a wit, and they are no ones friend nor do they truly have friends. Get healthy and know that there are folks in your corner. I'm putting my money on you, sincere best wishes for good health. GB (glitterbag)
Reply Tue 12 Dec, 2017 01:01 am
Thanks, Glitterbag Smile

It was me who put me in this situation and I will have to endure the insulting criticism with the best of my ability.

This is why I am a speaking about it, so I can get past my pride and become honest about it no matter the shame it may cause me.

I have always hated the word shame because I have always felt myself above that emotion.

Well that again is my own dishonesty at work.

I tried to do it on my own, I told myself "physician heal thyself" this only prolonged my defeat.

I needed the support of others and AA though, imperfect, has enough of what I needed to sustain sobriety.

It is still a day at a time, but I am surrounded by people who do not judge but acknowledge the battle they also as alcoholics face. They do not take their own sobriety for granted.

I am humbled and heartened by their caring compassion.

If anyone here is thinking about their own alcoholism...

Some must seek help in quitting "don't just quit" if you have a much more serious problem than I did, you may need medical help in your recovery.

I was lucky I could just quit. I did not drink every day but my binges which were far between one another were horrid!

I gave myself time to rebound. I have been told that if I ever pick drinking up again it may be an everyday thing. (The disease progresses even when we do not drink.) I was not told this to scare me, I was told this because it is true.

I had to get rid of my pride and admit my problem. It sucked saying I am an alcoholic in front to people, but while drinking I have done much more embarrassing things.

Like the time I pulled my pants down at the gay bar and danced on a table. They loved it!

I'm told the lesbians drove me home that night.

A couple weeks later the owner who had not been there that night came up to me and said, "The next time you do that in my bar! Then he whispered in my ear. (Let me know so I can watch too.)"

So admitting I am an alcoholic should be easy.
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Reply Fri 15 Dec, 2017 08:30 am
Still sober, all is well, been tired and lots of freaky dreams.

Much better than the alternative...
Walter Hinteler
Reply Fri 15 Dec, 2017 08:50 am
I remember that I had "freaky dreams", too, in the period after I'd been sober (nearly 35 years ago).
I was falling down an endless deep black hole. When I woke up, I thought of something nice and pleasant for my next dream.
With other kind of dreams, it helped for me "re-writing the script" Very Happy

On a different note: try not to be surprised to be (stay) sober, take it as your normality. You know how the world looks like when you crossed the border, so there's no need to do it again.
Reply Fri 15 Dec, 2017 02:01 pm
@Walter Hinteler,
Do the dreams settle down Walter or do they stay intense for many months?

Do you just get used to them? It is over a month and they do not seem to be letting up. My sleep pattern is all messed up. A little sleep here and there tired a lot.

My thinking while awake is intensified, I am getting more things done.

For a few days I could not remember how to spell words well, that has passed. I felt like Donald Trump trying to give a speech on my keyboard!


I get so much help hearing people talk of their experiences thank you!

Walter Hinteler
Reply Fri 15 Dec, 2017 02:20 pm
It lasted quite some time, but I wasn't afraid anymore when I discovered how I could solve this "problem".

Sleep has never been a problem (I could/can even sllep good at night after having had a coffee).

Hearing people talk of their experiences certainly helps. But actually you must act - signposts give the direction, but never walk for you! (But several roads lead to Rome.)
Reply Fri 15 Dec, 2017 08:34 pm
@Walter Hinteler,
I quit caffeine over 20 years ago, I only drink decaf coffee and that only once a month or less because it makes me bite off all my fingernails.

I do not take any medications or mind-altering substances.

I do not even eat sugar but on a rarity and what is subtly hidden in my food.

I am lucky in that respect that alcohol seemed a logical next step.

I like the saying about signposts, it is like leading a horse to water.

Those at AA can show me the way but there also needs to be a will and desire to follow...

I have often said to myself that they are only part of the reason why I do not drink. There other part is that it has a devastating effect on my health and wellbeing.

I am on the road, I know which way to go and each day is a testament of my will and desire to be free of alcohol.

The nightmares are imagined, and I can wake up from them, but the effects of alcohol are real.

I think serenity is the sensation of "relief" but maybe it is something even more and I will never find out without putting time between me and the disease.

Many signposts in life point towards drinking. My favorite genre of shows to watch are detective shows. Sherlock Holmes was a drug addict and detectives are notorious for downing a glass or bottle of straight alcohol.

So, feeding my mind with the right directives is a first step and then carrying out these directives to their end is the action required for success. Being aware of these signposts is one step along a long road to recovery.

I just need to recognize signposts pointing the wrong way for what they are.

Some people are just looking for a reason to fail, having people in my life who are strong in commitment is a big help.
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Reply Fri 15 Dec, 2017 08:54 pm
I was your age when I quit drinking. It took three years to accomplish, because I went at it alone. But that was so long ago, now I don't have to drink, even when at family gatherings, where I am the lone sober one. I know you are going to do it and I salute you.

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