Should my brother spend Christmas with his girlfriend?

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So my brother is starting college and he's recently gotten a very polite and beautiful girlfriend.

If you haven't read my previous questions, he has some mental health issues like depression but he seems to be doing alright now.

She's a very nice tall blonde and he loves her a lot already, even though they've only been dating for a few weeks. He seems a lot happier now but I'm in a small predicament.

His girlfriend and her family invited him to spend Christmas with them. She lives in a student dorm but wants him to stay for a while at her other home with her family for Christmas. It's just her stepmother and her sister who'll be there.

I just live at home with my mom and brother, and I think it'd be a good idea for him to do this, as does my mother.

He is reluctant to though, and I'm wondering if I should push him to do this? I'm his only sister and I personally want to encourage him to.

His girlfriend is very affectionate towards him and he's told me he's in love with her. And I'm not sure, but I think they've slept together already a few times. I don't know if that's good or bad. But I think she genuinely loves him back.

He's said he doesn't want to impose, and he's nervous about meeting his girlfriend's mom and sister, but I think it'd be good for him.

I'm just at a bit of a loss. Should I encourage him to go? Just want to be sure this isn't a mistake.

Thanks for any feedback.

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Type: Question • Score: 3 • Views: 1,010 • Replies: 15

You don't tell how severe the depression of his is.

If he is an adult and still able to decide what he wants and doesn't want under basic normal mental health, then let he decide how to deal with his relationship.

Let him be comfortable of being himself, instead of pushing him for anything if he doesn't do anything inappropriate.

Trust him, believe him, emotionally support him, respect him, no matter he successes or falls.

2 Replies

@iclearwater,

I agree.

0 Replies

@iclearwater,

His depression isn't too severe. He was mostly just lonely, but also mildly depressed. But he seems fine now.

He's younger and in his early 20's. I was just wondering if this is something people do. I know people will say to let him do his own thing,

I just want to know if this is a good thing for him to do or If it's common practice? Or if it's seen as weird? I don't want him to be embarrassed. I've never heard of a guy spending Christmas with his girlfriend or vise versa.

But I don't see any harm in it, I'm just wondering if it'll be good for him.

2 Replies

@Sam560,

IMHO, there's no yardstick or mode about how the couple should get along with each other, as long as each of the couple feels comfortable in their relationship.

If your brother feels it is not comfortable to meet her parents during Christmas or any other time, then wait until he feels good. What would he potentially lose if he didn't? I guess no.

Obviously my responses are not what you desire. Then, let's see if other folks would offer suggestions you prefer.

All the best!

1 Reply

@Sam560,

Sam560 wrote:

His depression isn't too severe. He was mostly just lonely, but also mildly depressed. But he seems fine now.

That's not depression.

If he has got depression it can come back at any time regardless of how things are going.

Depression is not the normal feeling of being a bit down and lonely.

0 Replies

It's important that HE make this decision, so please step back and let him decide. That's how self esteem and personal confidence is created. Don't suffocate his decision process.

Are you saying Christmas day or the entire weekend holiday?

Remind us - does he have some spectrum of autism?

1 Reply

@Sam560,

If he's able to have a stable GF, and go to college, then he's perfectly capable of making his own choices/decisions whether you find them right or not.

1 Reply

@smackie9,

That's what I'm thinking smackie.

Sam 560, only a few weeks ago you were despairing of him getting out there and even asking a girl out.

Now he has a girlfriend, albeit for just a short time.

Yes, he has challenges, but let him make his own decisions.

I don't think I'd be spending Christmas with the family of someone I've only dated a few weeks.

It's not for me to decide, but you may want to take a look if you've crossed the line between guiding and supporting him in making his own decisions, and pushing him to do what you personally think is best.

1 Reply

@PUNKEY,

He is a little autistic, but it doesn't affect him very much anymore.

I'm just making sure he's getting the right advic because he always asks me and I've told him he should make his own judgments, but he still wants my advice. I do give him enough space and we have a good relationship.

He has decided not to as of a day ago. He had planned on just Christmas Eve and Christmas Day but decided it'd be better at home and his girlfriend is okay with it.

I just wanted to know if this is a common thing or if it's seen as odd because we have extremely gossipy in-laws that are always looking to ruin my family's reputation. I just wanted to know if this was a thing or not.

But either way I wouldn't push him, and it's ultimately up to him.

But thanks for your input.

0 Replies

@chai2,

I understand. I'd never push him and I let him do his own thing, I don't try to make his decisions for him. I try to help him when I can if he really needs it (asks for it) so I just wanted to see if this was a good idea or if it was odd, socially.

He decided not to anyhow, I just wanted to see what the community had to say.

Thanks for your feedback.

0 Replies

@iclearwater,

Thanks, I appreciate your input.

0 Replies

It's not unusual for a BF to spend either Christmas eve OR Christmas day with his GF.

He has decided to do neither. (Autistic view decisions made in either black or white terms)

Encourage him to consider other choices. She could even come to your house one of the days.

I hope other relatives don't have an influence on how your family celebrates the holidays.

1 Reply

@PUNKEY,

PUNKEY wrote:

(Autistic view decisions made in either black or white terms)

That's complete bollocks. My son is autistic and you don't know what you're talking about.

1 Reply

@izzythepush,

Are you saying that having difficulty transitioning, rigidity, and difficulty making decisions are NOT autistic traits?

1 Reply

@PUNKEY,

Did you not read what I posted? I was pointing out that your casual assumption that autistic people can only see the World in terms of black and white is wrong.

That's all I said, and if you have problems with such a simple concept then you shouldn't be pontificating about others' learning difficulties but checking out your own.

Seriously, get looked at, it could be the early stages of Alzheimer's.

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Should my brother spend Christmas with his girlfriend?

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